In laws don’t wash hands

[Anonymous]

With both my parents and my ILs, and other relatives, I often feel suspicious about eating, especially cold food from shared platters and stuff.

There’s this thing in gymnastics, figure skating and dance called “marking your program.” Basically, you run through your routine without doing all the difficult elements—a skater warms up and does a single jump to “mark” where the triple jump will be in the performance.

I apply this to eating in weird situations. Like when I once attended a neighborhood holiday party that was planned for months in advance, but we showed up and the house was filthy—I mean their guest bathroom had visible feces on the toilet lid. As in the kind of dirty you might expect from frat boys. I knew there was no way I was eating amid all that pet fur and grime. So I took a plate, put a few items on it, pushed it around a bit, left the plate on the counter, did have half a glass of wine from a middle-of-the-pile plastic cup…and went home and ate popcorn and cheese.

So when you know you might feel that way, fill up beforehand, or bring a granola bar or other supplies in your purse/luggage, and mark the meal. It’s one meal, you can eat later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With both my parents and my ILs, and other relatives, I often feel suspicious about eating, especially cold food from shared platters and stuff.

There’s this thing in gymnastics, figure skating and dance called “marking your program.” Basically, you run through your routine without doing all the difficult elements—a skater warms up and does a single jump to “mark” where the triple jump will be in the performance.

I apply this to eating in weird situations. Like when I once attended a neighborhood holiday party that was planned for months in advance, but we showed up and the house was filthy—I mean their guest bathroom had visible feces on the toilet lid. As in the kind of dirty you might expect from frat boys. I knew there was no way I was eating amid all that pet fur and grime. So I took a plate, put a few items on it, pushed it around a bit, left the plate on the counter, did have half a glass of wine from a middle-of-the-pile plastic cup…and went home and ate popcorn and cheese.

So when you know you might feel that way, fill up beforehand, or bring a granola bar or other supplies in your purse/luggage, and mark the meal. It’s one meal, you can eat later.

+1

Well said. OP, my IL's are this way, too - and the people who married in actually call them on it, which is the beautiful part. Sorry they are slobs, it sucks.

[Anonymous]

^^I wrote the above. For longer visits, DH and I bring our own food “to share,” like nice cheeses and pears and stuff, but it’s really so that we know there is something we can get for ourselves at any time. We offer to help with cooking, always, and we also insist on taking everyone out to dinner and/or getting takeout at least one night. And we always pack snacks. We’ve been known to run out on a fake errand and eat before returning.

[Anonymous]

Make it a new, Covid-clear requirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are also blowing nose without washing hands.

Op here, yes they do that too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With both my parents and my ILs, and other relatives, I often feel suspicious about eating, especially cold food from shared platters and stuff.

There’s this thing in gymnastics, figure skating and dance called “marking your program.” Basically, you run through your routine without doing all the difficult elements—a skater warms up and does a single jump to “mark” where the triple jump will be in the performance.

I apply this to eating in weird situations. Like when I once attended a neighborhood holiday party that was planned for months in advance, but we showed up and the house was filthy—I mean their guest bathroom had visible feces on the toilet lid. As in the kind of dirty you might expect from frat boys. I knew there was no way I was eating amid all that pet fur and grime. So I took a plate, put a few items on it, pushed it around a bit, left the plate on the counter, did have half a glass of wine from a middle-of-the-pile plastic cup…and went home and ate popcorn and cheese.

So when you know you might feel that way, fill up beforehand, or bring a granola bar or other supplies in your purse/luggage, and mark the meal. It’s one meal, you can eat later.

+1

Well said. OP, my IL's are this way, too - and the people who married in actually call them on it, which is the beautiful part. Sorry they are slobs, it sucks.

Op here, that’s what I plan on doing from now on. It’s nice seeing others can relate and understand what I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

It's kind of obvious when sharing close quarters and you hear a flush and the door opens immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

It's kind of obvious when sharing close quarters and you hear a flush and the door opens immediately.

Op here, yes exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make it a new, Covid-clear requirement

PP who wrote the essay about “marking the program here.” Believe me, I tried this. MIL was good for a day or two before going to old ways. FIL basically told DH and I that God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, and still licks his hands all the darn time. So I do what I need to do to feed myself and my kids, I have no expectations of cleanliness from my ILs, and when FIL “insists” on putting my bagel in the toaster and will not leave my food alone even when directly asked to do so, I go get a granola bar and eat it in front of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

It's kind of obvious when sharing close quarters and you hear a flush and the door opens immediately.

Some people wash their hands, and *then* flush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make it a new, Covid-clear requirement

PP who wrote the essay about “marking the program here.” Believe me, I tried this. MIL was good for a day or two before going to old ways. FIL basically told DH and I that God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, and still licks his hands all the darn time. So I do what I need to do to feed myself and my kids, I have no expectations of cleanliness from my ILs, [/b]and when FIL “insists” on putting my bagel in the toaster and will not leave my food alone even when directly asked to do so, I go get a granola bar and eat it in front of him.

[b]

Love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

It's kind of obvious when sharing close quarters and you hear a flush and the door opens immediately.

Some people wash their hands, and *then* flush.

Lol sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make it a new, Covid-clear requirement

PP who wrote the essay about “marking the program here.” Believe me, I tried this. MIL was good for a day or two before going to old ways. FIL basically told DH and I that God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, and still licks his hands all the darn time. So I do what I need to do to feed myself and my kids, I have no expectations of cleanliness from my ILs, and when FIL “insists” on putting my bagel in the toaster and will not leave my food alone even when directly asked to do so, I go get a granola bar and eat it in front of him.

I am one of the PPs and I will raise you one - last time we were with my husband he suggested we all get Ethiopian food. I love Ethiopian food. But boy I tell you what it really challenged my love knowing that we would be sharing platters of stew that are eaten by hand.

Stomach acid. I'm telling you. Focus on the stomach acid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

It's kind of obvious when sharing close quarters and you hear a flush and the door opens immediately.

Some people wash their hands, and *then* flush.

NP. LOL. Then some people are doing it wrong. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you known they don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? Are you standing next to the bathroom with your ear pressed to the door?

the venn diagram of "not closing the bathroom door when using the toilet" and "not washing hands after going to the bathroom" is a circle.

for you OP, i offer my condolences, and this recent article from mcsweeny's: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/enough-with-the-hygiene-theater-i-want-to-take-a-shit-without-washing-my-hands