How does your Catholic School treat non binary/trans student?

[Anonymous]

there was one at our parish school. He/they wanted to wear the girls uniform; school said no and he/they ultimately left the school. i think the student was accepted/treated kindly by the school admin (as they should), but the boys tended to make fun of the kid. the girls were nicer -- b/c the boy presented as a girl. I just don't think the child or family was a good fit for the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade DD goes to a fairly progressive Catholic school. They are the only student in their year group that they know who identifies as non binary, although they are friends with a few gay students. They would like to ask the school to use their gender neutral name when they start back for 8th grade after the summer. I am wondering how this is going to be received... I know Catholic school is not ideal for LGBTQ kids so we are going to make a change for High School but they are adamant they want to stay for 8th as they have so many good friends at the school.

Are you at a k-8 diocesan Catholic school?

No a 6-8 middle (Los Angeles Diocese)

Not being in the DC area is a key element you left out of your op. I don’t think this is the best place to ask for guidance.

Agree. Wrong forum.

Ok, sadly there is no equivalent forum in LA.

The thing is that the Catholic Church is, for the most part, extraordinarily conservative in this area. Our church doesn’t even have girls serve at the alter. My home church back in the NY suburbs let girls serve back in the 1970’s!

I would talk to the administration and see how they respond. But I’d also talk to your child about the trade-offs of staying in that school. If it’s important to her to finish next year with her friends, maybe it would be worth it for her to delay a name change until she gets to high school.

For someone knocking the Church as being anti-women+LGBTQ+, you sure aren't using the correct pronouns for this child.
It's "altar" BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"They" is plural, btw.

No it isn’t. APA says it’s both.

Greivient went to the store, they love to shop.

Greivient went to the store; she loves to shop.

Greivient went to the store; he loves to shop.

Who the hell would name their child Greivient?

[Anonymous]

This is just for one year, and the OP isn't asking the school to make some significant change - they are asking to call the kid a different name. This could be the case for any kid, not just a kid changing their gender identity. A kid named Samantha may decide they want to go by Sam, or a kid named Christopher may decide they want to go by Chris, a Daniel may want to go by Danny, John's go by Jack, etc. Maybe someone decides they prefer their middle name. Doesn't have to be about gender - it's just using the name they prefer, like we all do for the people in our lives, every day.

As for the previous comment about having to stay on top of "bespoke pronouns" - I'm kinda old, and when I was a kid, some people got all out of sorts about women going by Ms. instead of Mrs. or Miss. Just call someone what they want to be called and get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"They" is plural, btw.

No it isn’t. APA says it’s both.

Greivient went to the store, they love to shop.

Greivient went to the store; she loves to shop.

Greivient went to the store; he loves to shop.

Who the hell would name their child Greivient?

Seriously, WTF is a Grevient?
IAH, I would probably end up saying this person's name over and over prior to meeting them because gender isn't clear. I wouldn't just slip to "they" though, as "they" is plural and I'm only referring to one person.

Grevient went to the store. Grevient loves to shop.

[Anonymous]

Love these nonsense hypotheticals!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk with the principal. In my opinion, this is exactly the situation where they can embrace what it really means to be Christian. But I would not have high hopes for that in actuality in the DC area. Hopefully LA Catholic culture is different.

Not sure why you think this. I know of several Catholic high schools with trans kids. I know one student chose to leave a school because it was a single sex of the gender that the child no longer identified with, but for years it was fine, and the school used the child's preferred name and pronouns. I wouldn't say this is common, as it clearly doesn't seem to the best choice among great options in the area, but the actual human beings in the administrations of these schools are not monsters, and they care about the kids as individuals, even as the community debates the fundamental issues it poses.

I agree high school is different. OP is talking about elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk with the principal. In my opinion, this is exactly the situation where they can embrace what it really means to be Christian. But I would not have high hopes for that in actuality in the DC area. Hopefully LA Catholic culture is different.

Not sure why you think this. I know of several Catholic high schools with trans kids. I know one student chose to leave a school because it was a single sex of the gender that the child no longer identified with, but for years it was fine, and the school used the child's preferred name and pronouns. I wouldn't say this is common, as it clearly doesn't seem to the best choice among great options in the area, but the actual human beings in the administrations of these schools are not monsters, and they care about the kids as individuals, even as the community debates the fundamental issues it poses.

I’m curious what Catholic high schools in the dc area have openly trans students? Oconnell?, PVI? Ireton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just for one year, and the OP isn't asking the school to make some significant change - they are asking to call the kid a different name. This could be the case for any kid, not just a kid changing their gender identity. A kid named Samantha may decide they want to go by Sam, or a kid named Christopher may decide they want to go by Chris, a Daniel may want to go by Danny, John's go by Jack, etc. Maybe someone decides they prefer their middle name. Doesn't have to be about gender - it's just using the name they prefer, like we all do for the people in our lives, every day.

As for the previous comment about having to stay on top of "bespoke pronouns" - I'm kinda old, and when I was a kid, some people got all out of sorts about women going by Ms. instead of Mrs. or Miss. Just call someone what they want to be called and get over it.

Come now. OP doesn’t say how long her child was at the school - but it is hard for people to switch names etc and expect everyone jumps on board with calling the new name when they have called their person “Julie” for 3 years. The best advice is the most honest - wait until 8th grade is over and start new at high school. So much easier. OP child is in for a world of disappointment - not because people want to hurt her child - but because our minds go to familiar and her new name will be a tough change I. 9 short months of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7th grade DD goes to a fairly progressive Catholic school. They are the only student in their year group that they know who identifies as non binary, although they are friends with a few gay students. They would like to ask the school to use their gender neutral name when they start back for 8th grade after the summer. I am wondering how this is going to be received... I know Catholic school is not ideal for LGBTQ kids so we are going to make a change for High School but they are adamant they want to stay for 8th as they have so many good friends at the school.

Are you at a k-8 diocesan Catholic school?

No a 6-8 middle (Los Angeles Diocese)

Not being in the DC area is a key element you left out of your op. I don’t think this is the best place to ask for guidance.

Agree. Wrong forum.

Ok, sadly there is no equivalent forum in LA.

The thing is that the Catholic Church is, for the most part, extraordinarily conservative in this area. Our church doesn’t even have girls serve at the alter. My home church back in the NY suburbs let girls serve back in the 1970’s!

I would talk to the administration and see how they respond. But I’d also talk to your child about the trade-offs of staying in that school. If it’s important to her to finish next year with her friends, maybe it would be worth it for her to delay a name change until she gets to high school.

For someone knocking the Church as being anti-women+LGBTQ+, you sure aren't using the correct pronouns for this child.
It's "altar" BTW.

I’m not knocking the church. I’m pointing out the fact that the church in this area is very conservative. Is what it is. And I disagree, I am using the pronouns that are factually correct. I can feel compassion for the op and her child, and at the same time think that denying the reality that the child is female is not truly beneficial to the child. It’s like the old Elvis Costello song, sometimes it’s cruel to be kind. Reality matters. I wouldn’t want the church to tell an anorexic that they are actually fat, much in the same way I don’t think the church should tell a female child that they are actually male. I would hope the church would be compassionate and loving, and at the same time remain grounded in the truth.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the school, not us.

[Anonymous]

Cruel to be Lind was not Elvis Costello - it was Nick Lowe.

[Anonymous]

SoCal is a lot less conservative than the DMV OP. Just ask + see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SoCal is a lot less conservative than the DMV OP. Just ask + see what happens.

Not Orange County and San Diego

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cruel to be Lind was not Elvis Costello - it was Nick Lowe.

I love that someone is calling this out.