MIL vs. Me - Is it wrong to tell an 11yo and 7yo how much luxury items they desire cost?

[Anonymous]

Wow, there is an almost unanimous consensus on this in DCUM. That's rare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up not understanding how much things cost. I had issues with money ever since and as an adult have finally mastered the art of living within my means and budgeting.

My 11yo child asked for the pink Nike Dunk sneakers that were released the other week. I explained to her the cost. We entered the raffle, she didn’t get a spot to claim them. It was like $135/$145 something around there. She does have other Nike’s she selected in the end. But only one pair and she’s of course already slightly creased them and melted down with herself over them. These shoes are as they were when I was a teen, pretty popular.

My 7yo wants a PS5, I’ve explained the cost to him as well. $700-$1000+ depending.

Is it wrong to explain to kids the magnitude of how much things cost and how to splurge, save, budget when they want expensive items.

You are raising a monster! Kidding, sort of. Are your 11yo on social media? Goes to a school with a bunch of spoiled entitled kids? I would take a look at their environment and why they are asking for these type of things in the first place. And yes, I would absolutely tell them how much they cost and that they aren't getting them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids this age should absolutely know how much things cost. They are probably looking at prices at the stores and online already anyway.

What I would caution about is not to make a big deal out of money. Don't make your kid feel bad for wanting something expensive or make them feel stressed about money. It might be that your MIL is reacting to not wanting to make your kids feel stress regarding how to afford things. It generally isn't good for kids to shoulder the responsibility on things like that (especially if you are comfortable enough to afford what you need and some additional things you want).

Also wonder if MIL is referring to things that are gifts? In that case, I do think it's a little distasteful to emphasize how much something someone gave you cost (at least in front of them).

But you can talk about cost without making it a big deal.

This exactly.
Your examples are fine, OP. It is rude to tell the kids the cost of gifts that your MIL gets them. And you shouldn’t make them feel guilty or worried that you all are struggling financially when you aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes absolutely our kids know what things cost. We make 300k + but still have a budget and have to make choices. My 14 year old wanted $68 Lulu athletic shorts when the Nike ones at Dick’s are $30. I told her she could have the Nike ones or pay the difference with her own money, which is what she chose to do.

I think this is a good strategy. I remember specific brands being very important when I was in middle school/high school. Much more than at any other time if my life.
I understand now why my parents wouldn’t buy $70 jeans, but I would have appreciated the opportunity to get them myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not any of your mother-in-law's business, first of all.

Second, your kids absolutely should know how much things cost, and if it's over your allocated budget, they should be contributing to the cost.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

I absolutely teach my children that there is a cost to the things they want, and give them opportunities to earn money, open a bank account, and budget. They are 11, 9, and 6 (and we start this when they're 4 or 5).

But when they ask about how much our house costs, or a vacation, I don't think that's really appropriate. Not their business, and I wouldn't want them talking about those sorts of things with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re too young, but I also lean toward thinking that talking about money is vulgar, so .. shrug. I’m probably closer in age to your MIL though too.

Talking about cost and budgeting with your family is not vulgar. Your notion is antiquated.

[Anonymous]

Yes, kids need to understand relative cost, wealth, etc. Not knowing this leads to misunderstandings and inadvertent offensive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL they need to know that when their friends pressure them into shoplifting, the felony level is $1000 dollars, so they need to know to grab the cheaper item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re too young, but I also lean toward thinking that talking about money is vulgar, so .. shrug. I’m probably closer in age to your MIL though too.

Talking about cost and budgeting with your family is not vulgar. Your notion is antiquated.

+1. This is a basic part of raising kids who understand how to function in the world. It's not comparable to mentioning what your car cost at a dinner party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they’re too young, but I also lean toward thinking that talking about money is vulgar, so .. shrug. I’m probably closer in age to your MIL though too.

Talking about cost and budgeting with your family is not vulgar. Your notion is antiquated.

It’s such a weird notion, “vulgar”. How can one teach their children about good money management practices without talking about money?

[Anonymous]

Main issue here is that MIL doesn’t get a vote or input into how you choose to raise your kids. She already raised her kids. It’s your turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you crowdsourcing this, OP? You get to tell your kids the prices of items if you want. You don’t owe anyone here or your MIL an explanation.

The entire point of this website is to crowdsource advice.

OP, I am with you. Kids should know what things cost (or at least, it is perfectly valid to tell them). They shouldn't ask grandma how much she paid for their Christmas gifts, but it's fine for you to talk to them about how much things cost that you buy for them (or choose not to buy for them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. My kids have no concept of money. They see us spend $100-$150 on groceries each week and think that a $100 Lego set should be no big deal. They broke the TV - an accident, but preventable if they had been following our rules. We took them to the store to look at TVs and they saw how much they cost. We could afford a new TV if we wanted one, but it seemed like a bad lesson for them. We offered then a new TV in lieu of Christmas presents or they can wait until we feel like buying a new one. They chose to wait.

Kids need to know what necessities cost. Make them aware food, doc visits, gas, car repairs are necessities. Even if you can well afford something your child needs to know there's a difference between spending $$ on food and shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does this have to do with your MIL?

Op here. My MIL is against telling kids the prices of items. She thinks that only adults should know how much something costs. She’s now brought this up in front of the children that they shouldn’t know how much things cost.

What an idiot your MiL is.