MIL vs. Me - Is it wrong to tell an 11yo and 7yo how much luxury items they desire cost?

[Anonymous]

I always tell my kids things are too expensive. I thought that was normal. Sounds like your MIL is one of these strange old fashion women caught up in silly ideas.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL doesn't get a vote in how to parent your kids.

Yes, teach your kids the costs of everything and how to plan for big expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does this have to do with your MIL?

Op here. My MIL is against telling kids the prices of items. She thinks that only adults should know how much something costs. She’s now brought this up in front of the children that they shouldn’t know how much things cost.

Etiquette says that kids (and other people) shouldn't ask other people the cost of things they own. So it would be rude for your child to ask Grandma how much she spent for her new shoes. (If she's curious she can just google it like the rest of us!) But it's very important for kids to know the cost of things they want, and gradually they can learn more specifics about things they might want in the future (e.g. an expensive house) and what it would take for them to be able to own that.

This is exactly right. It's okay if MIL doesn't want to tell them how much SHE paid for something, but your involving them in the discussion of what you will or won't spend for your own family is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL doesn't understand the kids can easily find out how much items cost, you know the internet.

I do think for gifts, the price shouldn't be thrown in a kid's face. My mother would do that, "You really should like those boots I got you for your birthday, they cost xxx."

[Anonymous]

Why are you crowdsourcing this, OP? You get to tell your kids the prices of items if you want. You don’t owe anyone here or your MIL an explanation.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely talk to my kids about how much things cost. They are 10 and 13 now but this conversation isn't new to them.

[Anonymous]

I think they’re too young, but I also lean toward thinking that talking about money is vulgar, so .. shrug. I’m probably closer in age to your MIL though too.

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely our kids know what things cost. We make 300k + but still have a budget and have to make choices. My 14 year old wanted $68 Lulu athletic shorts when the Nike ones at Dick’s are $30. I told her she could have the Nike ones or pay the difference with her own money, which is what she chose to do.

[Anonymous]

I definitely let my kids know how much things cost and if something is unreasonable. My teenage daughter pays the difference if she wants something pricier then I am willing to pay (she has plenty of clothes - this is like the previous person's example of Lululemon vs Nike shorts).

The one thing I don't know is hold it over them - my father was very strict and would always let us know how much we were costing him in food, utility costs etc. We were not allowed to express an opinion that was different from his views because his house, his rules. He really alienated some of my siblings who moved out the minute they could and limited contact with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up not understanding how much things cost. I had issues with money ever since and as an adult have finally mastered the art of living within my means and budgeting.

My 11yo child asked for the pink Nike Dunk sneakers that were released the other week. I explained to her the cost. We entered the raffle, she didn’t get a spot to claim them. It was like $135/$145 something around there. She does have other Nike’s she selected in the end. But only one pair and she’s of course already slightly creased them and melted down with herself over them. These shoes are as they were when I was a teen, pretty popular.

My 7yo wants a PS5, I’ve explained the cost to him as well. $700-$1000+ depending.

Is it wrong to explain to kids the magnitude of how much things cost and how to splurge, save, budget when they want expensive items.

No. They should know. When my two oldest kids were in middle school, we sat them down and explained our financial house and that they could not have Michael Jordan sneakers because we could buy shoes for all them and younger brother for the price of one pair of MJ shoes. Like you, I had no financial knowledge and I had to learn to manage money. Congratulations. I think you are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does this have to do with your MIL?

Op here. My MIL is against telling kids the prices of items. She thinks that only adults should know how much something costs. She’s now brought this up in front of the children that they shouldn’t know how much things cost.

That is completely nuts.

Keep in doing it your way, OP. Of course kids need to learn the value of a dollar. We are raising them to be adults.

[Anonymous]

Huh. I talk about price all the time. At the grocery store, I'll say to myself/preschooler "This one is on sale, let's get it." or "This jam is $10! We aren't getting that. That's way too much." And I do it for toys too. For gifts that other people buy for my son, of course not.

[Anonymous]

Kids this age should absolutely know how much things cost. They are probably looking at prices at the stores and online already anyway.

What I would caution about is not to make a big deal out of money. Don't make your kid feel bad for wanting something expensive or make them feel stressed about money. It might be that your MIL is reacting to not wanting to make your kids feel stress regarding how to afford things. It generally isn't good for kids to shoulder the responsibility on things like that (especially if you are comfortable enough to afford what you need and some additional things you want).

Also wonder if MIL is referring to things that are gifts? In that case, I do think it's a little distasteful to emphasize how much something someone gave you cost (at least in front of them).

But you can talk about cost without making it a big deal.

[Anonymous]

We’ve always talked about the price of things with DD, which I thought was important to do. But it’s backfired a little because now she gets mad if anyone spends too much money on her, and has even started telling us not to buy certain things for the household! I pity her future spouse ☺️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not any of your mother-in-law's business, first of all.

Second, your kids absolutely should know how much things cost, and if it's over your allocated budget, they should be contributing to the cost.

+1