Am I too mean to say that even though it is true?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to do a hard reset on your understanding of child development, reasonable expectations and discipline.

https://pepparent.org/

Jesus. My heart breaks for your kid.

[Anonymous]

I have been on DCUM a really long time and this is truly one of the worst parenting behaviors I've ever seen an OP describe as doing themselves (not counting behaviors that an OP says their spouse, ex-spouse, or own parents do). It's on par with the time a mom posted asking for advice about why her 3 month old would not stay happily on a blanket on the other side of the room all day while she worked.

Your expectations of what a 6 year old can understand are WILDLY out of whack, OP. If 6 yo doesn't appreciate what he has, it's your fault for spoiling him and not teaching him to be grateful. You need to support him as you teach him to do more for himself, not threaten him. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s mean. My kid is 9 and adopted and we’ve told her our home is her home forever. Yes we want her to be an independent adult but if she wants to go to college locally and live at home and save us all thousands of dollars that would be awesome. You can teach your kid independence without telling him he’s on his own at 18, that’s just cruel.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you had a kid. We all want our kids to be great adults eventually but you sound like you don’t even like him. I feel sorry for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, honestly this is cruel. It sounds like you are doing this because YOU are worried that he will not be independent enough as an adult. This is not good parenting. Please get help and stop this behavior immediately. In fact I could apologize and explain to your kid that you didn’t mean it, you are sorry for causing confusion, that we all grow up and develop independence as we grow up, and that you are hear to help him and support him.

If you keep doing this it will be a big big mistake and you will not be able to go back and redo it.

[Anonymous]

I hate to pile on, but I have agree with PPs that this is very, very wrong and will damage your child in many ways.

A six year old doesn’t have a real concept of time, or of how far away 12 years really is. It’s an abstract notion to him, and that unknown will drive an extreme amount of anxiety. You may as well be telling him that you’re going to kick him out next month.

Threats will not give him the drive to be independent. It will make him anxious, which will make him more clingy. You need to model good behavior, teach him, remind him consistently but gently. Reward good behavior: if you finish this task by yourself, we’ll have time to play your favorite game before bed. If you need my help, I’ll help you, but then we won’t have time for the game. It does take time; don’t expect him to change overnight.

- Parent of a formerly whiny ultra-dependent 6yo who is now a fiercely independent and very helpful 11yo

[Anonymous]

I really hope OP is a troll because if not, that poor child!

[Anonymous]

I try not to talk about things more than 5y ahead. It’s too abstract for any kid.

Think about the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” It took us a long time as adults to settle in that question. Going 12 years into his future is meaningless.

[Anonymous]

You need some therapy, OP. Def. mean and you need to figure out why.

[Anonymous]

When I was a teenager my closest friend’s mother told her frequently that she would kick her out when she hit 18. It was absolutely shocking to me even as an older teenager- I can’t imagine someone using those words with a young child.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow, OP. I don't even know what to say. I agree with everyone else.

This is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is not a troll, and I come from a culture that many over 18 adults still live with parents to save money. I just could use better words but he really relies on me to do many things that he could.

Probably I am using this as a threat to push him to do things on his own because I have been using reminders and nice words to ask him to do it and he whines a lot. Of course I would wait at least he finishes high school but I tell him that he needs to find a part time job in high school. He is spoiled with many things that he does not treasure, and can you believe that there are still some of his christmas gifts unopened in basement, has $1k casn his piggy bank (from grandparents), and so many toys. He does not treasure what he has and he takes it as granted. I am like his servants sometimes when he asks for help. He is a bit self centered, selfish and poor manner.

He has asked me if little brother will be kicked out at age 18 as well, and he is happy and satisfied with answer when he hears "yes" from me.

HE. IS. SIX.

ALL 6 year olds need help with tasks. ALL 6 year olds whine. ALL 6 year olds show no “gratitude” because they have zero concept of what money actually is. ALL 6 year olds are selfish because they have to be in order to survive.

If your child needs help bathing or using the toilet, help them! Teach them! It doesn’t make you a servant! This crap of “wipe your own ass or you’ll be kicked out of the house!” needs to end NOW (and yes, that’s exactly how it comes across to him).

Why did you even have children if you expect them to be entirely self-sufficient by kindergarten?? You know that teaching your kids is a huge part of parenting, right?

You are treading very dangerous ground. By 15/16, he’s going to hear your threat of kicking him out, decide he may as well leave now, and run away. Or as soon as he turns 18, he’ll leave and you’ll never hear from him again.

somehow I think that would be totally fine with OP

[Anonymous]

This is a troll. DCUM is being invaded by them.

[Anonymous]

OP i will say this as an immigrant who comes from a culture very different than the one we live in now. just because your parents raised you a certain way, doesn't mean it was right or good. My parents yelled, hit, used scared tactics, gave me the silent treatment, etc. i knew they loved me and it's just what they knew. IT WAS WRONG! You can break the cycle and not repeat the mistakes your parents made.

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for this poor child. I have a similar aged child and I can’t imagine treating him this way. Your child must live in anxious misery all the time, being treated this way by his mother.