Please tell me what you would do in my situation because I am at a loss (childcare)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple issues at hand.

I took Humira throughout my pregnancy and my son could not receive live vaccines for the first year of life. He was not able to have rotavirus vaccine and is more susceptible to infection. His pediatrician discouraged us from daycare saying that was likely the only place he would pick up rotavirus and he would likely get very ill and need to be hospitalized. I took a paycut and a completely remote job so I could be close to my son if needed.

We went through 8 nannies in the first two years. A couple issues were our fault - we would hire without a contact or clear duties. We now have a nanny and have had her on/off for over a year. We pay her $20/hr for 40 hours/week plus sick and vacation leave. The issue is she is constantly late and shows up with coffee in hand. She feeds our son convenience meals that we keep for treats, (like frozen pizza, chicken nuggets), she will rarely prepare fresh food for him and if she does it's pickles or bananas. I have to constantly remind her to take him for a walk or to the park. I try to encourage her to take him to stimulating activities like the library or toddler classes but she just doesn't. The house is constantly a mess, I have to ask her every single day to clean up his toys at the end of the day. I have reminded and asked her multiple times to do what's in her contact, (please take Larlo to the park today, please wipe down Larlo's highchair, please don't feed him fruit snacks all day or let him just let him watch TV).

Do I throw out the chicken nuggets? Do I pull the plug on the TV so she can't turn it on during the day? I've been a little lax on the TV and letting the nanny let my son watch a bit of TV while she prepares lunch, but my son will just end up watching TV for 45+ minutes while he's supposedly "eating lunch."

We actually gave our nanny 2 paid days off last week to trial a new nanny but she caught COVID and will not be able to return for 2-3 weeks. We've looked at the pool of candidates for nannies and the pay is just out of our reach at $25-30/hr. The nannies we have interviewed at $20/hr seem barely better than our current nanny and do not come with CPR, First Aid proof of vaccination or 3 references.

We have also looked at nanny shares, the families we have encountered usually have at least 2 kids, want to host at their home and split the costs 50/50. That really doesn't work for me. The two daycares in our area have long waitlists. Our next best hope is part-time preschool.

At this point i'm kind of at a loss. I can't afford to hire a nanny at $25-30/hr. I earn 6K/month after taxes and am paying 4K/month for childcare right now and am SO RESENTFUL to be giving up 2/3rds of my salary for someone to just keep my son alive and do the absolute bare minimum. We are not able to contribute as much as we'd like to savings or college funds because of childcare costs. I can't keep my son with a nanny who offers no stimulating fun for him and leaves me huge messes to clean up at the end of the day. I can't find a small, in-home daycare that can take him. My only other thought is maybe an au pair or quit my job. The issue is we have a small 3bedroom house and if we hired an au pair we would not have any privacy. We would likely need to sell our house and find a house with a basement bedroom and en-suite. I feel like I am in an impossible situation and maybe need to take a leave of absence from work to find childcare.

OP, some of this is petty. Why don't you just quit and SAH if you are doing more of your salary than not?

If she is buying coffee, buy a Kureg and some of her favorite coffee and a special mug so she can make it when she gets there. Precook a few lunches so all she has to do is reheat them. No one is going to cook a toddler a gourmet meal. You can also do the leftovers from dinner the night before. Just cook a bit extra With covid, I don't get why you'd want her to take your child to a library or other indoor facility as that defeats the purpose of keeping them at home.

You can offer to pay for first aid and cpr. Vaccines at this point will not stop transmission, just symptoms so if anything offer to pay for weekly or twice weekly testing or get lots of free kids and have her (and your family test).

Put your name on the day care lists.

If you are buying the frozen food, stop preaching you feed your child better when the reality is you want nanny to cook a meal and child to eat that for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the share option work for you? It seems like the best one so im not clear on the barrier.

Menu should she pay 50/50 when she has one kid and the other family has two?

she can always negotiate with the family. and anyway, 50-50 is better because it is very awkward if one nanny family pays more - you want to have equal relationships with the nanny. and some people prefer the share to be in someone else’s house. I know I did! I didn’t have to worry about keeping my house super clean, room for both babies, etc. The only downside is you have to schlep your kid to the other house, but it’s generally easier to find a nanny share partner close to you than a daycare. And of course with WFH, it’s much better to have the share in the other house!

If they have two kids, OP has one, OP should pay 1/3.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your plan for when he gets to school age?

Also, have you discussed this recently with his doctor? Because a 2.5 year old's immune system is vastly different from an infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

Agree, plus all the other kids at a licensed, regulated daycare center will be vaccinated for rotavirus -- this is one instance where "herd immunity" really works. Same with measles, etc.

This is a great and important point.

[Anonymous]

You might just be one of those people who likes having a dramatic crisis all the time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you stated that you took a large part cut in order to work remote.

I would consider reversing that decision. Go back to a higher paying job so that you can afford a better nanny. If you have a good one, you shouldn’t have to be home watching over them all the time (and, in fact, it’s probably better for everyone if you aren’t).

[Anonymous]

I don't understand taking a pay cut if the plan was to have a nanny. Can you go back to earning more and hire a better nanny? $20 really is low around here.

I also don't fully understand your child's current health status. Is daycare still a serious risk? If not, get on lists. Of course you shouldn't expect anywhere to have availability at the drop of a hat, but you can get on lists now. If your child's health is still a serious concern, and you can't hire a better nanny, I think whoever earns less should probably be a SAH. But I would not plan to keep this nanny. Even if you can implement restrictions like taking away the frozen food and TV, do you really want someone who appears to be lazy and unwilling to follow directions watching your kid?

[Anonymous]

We had a communication book with suggested healthy, menus our child liked for lunch that the nanny could make. Have you tried something like that?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but I do NOT understand why your child not being rotavirus vaccinated is a big deal. Your pediatrician doesn't sound like they know what they are talking about.

If you go to a daycare--either in home or center--that requires vaccines, every other kid will be vaccinated. And the oral rotavirus vaccine that is currently given is one of those where it provides basically 100 percent immunity in those who go have completed the full cycle of vaccination, which is done before they are one year old.

(By the way rotavirus vaccine was not even introduced in America until 2006-2008 for the current type, yet very few children died of it in America before that. Outside of America, the deaths from it are because of lack of access to medical care for rehydration. It's also way, way, less risky once a child is no longer an infant and is a toddler.)

[Anonymous]

8 nannies in two years is an employer issue. The problem is you. My guess is it is both low pay and you are difficult to work for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 nannies in two years is an employer issue. The problem is you. My guess is it is both low pay and you are difficult to work for.

Especially since OP WFH. Can you imagine working for someone like OP while she is hanging over your shoulder 24/7 in a small home? For 20 bucks an hour?

[Anonymous]

OP during COVID our daycare stopped providing snacks, and they've never provided lunch, so we would pack up all her food the night before. It was not a big deal.

Agree that your post doesn't make sense:
- If you're open to in-homes what is wrong with a nanny share and what is wrong with splitting the cost 50/50? Who wants a a nanny and two babies in the house while they are WFH?
- Why did you take a pay cut and then hire a nanny?
- It's unclear if the rotavirus thing is something you have discussed with your doctor recently but if it was when baby was a newborn you need to discuss with your doctor again and maybe get a second opinion because this is clearly greatly impacting your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are DMV rates higher than in NYC? Because there are plenty of better Nannie’s out there in nyc for $20- I just interviewed a bunch. Sure, you will have more options at $25 but $20-22 got me some really good candidates still.

NYC Nannie’s charge less and many of them want to be paid under the table:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are DMV rates higher than in NYC? Because there are plenty of better Nannie’s out there in nyc for $20- I just interviewed a bunch. Sure, you will have more options at $25 but $20-22 got me some really good candidates still.

NYC Nannie’s charge less and many of them want to be paid under the table:

Interesting I had no idea. Why do nyc Nannies charge less? Thought it would be the most expensive market

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple issues at hand.

I took Humira throughout my pregnancy and my son could not receive live vaccines for the first year of life. He was not able to have rotavirus vaccine and is more susceptible to infection. His pediatrician discouraged us from daycare saying that was likely the only place he would pick up rotavirus and he would likely get very ill and need to be hospitalized. I took a paycut and a completely remote job so I could be close to my son if needed.

We went through 8 nannies in the first two years. A couple issues were our fault - we would hire without a contact or clear duties. We now have a nanny and have had her on/off for over a year. We pay her $20/hr for 40 hours/week plus sick and vacation leave. The issue is she is constantly late and shows up with coffee in hand. She feeds our son convenience meals that we keep for treats, (like frozen pizza, chicken nuggets), she will rarely prepare fresh food for him and if she does it's pickles or bananas. I have to constantly remind her to take him for a walk or to the park. I try to encourage her to take him to stimulating activities like the library or toddler classes but she just doesn't. The house is constantly a mess, I have to ask her every single day to clean up his toys at the end of the day. I have reminded and asked her multiple times to do what's in her contact, (please take Larlo to the park today, please wipe down Larlo's highchair, please don't feed him fruit snacks all day or let him just let him watch TV).

Do I throw out the chicken nuggets? Do I pull the plug on the TV so she can't turn it on during the day? I've been a little lax on the TV and letting the nanny let my son watch a bit of TV while she prepares lunch, but my son will just end up watching TV for 45+ minutes while he's supposedly "eating lunch."

We actually gave our nanny 2 paid days off last week to trial a new nanny but she caught COVID and will not be able to return for 2-3 weeks. We've looked at the pool of candidates for nannies and the pay is just out of our reach at $25-30/hr. The nannies we have interviewed at $20/hr seem barely better than our current nanny and do not come with CPR, First Aid proof of vaccination or 3 references.

We have also looked at nanny shares, the families we have encountered usually have at least 2 kids, want to host at their home and split the costs 50/50. That really doesn't work for me. The two daycares in our area have long waitlists. Our next best hope is part-time preschool.

At this point i'm kind of at a loss. I can't afford to hire a nanny at $25-30/hr. I earn 6K/month after taxes and am paying 4K/month for childcare right now and am SO RESENTFUL to be giving up 2/3rds of my salary for someone to just keep my son alive and do the absolute bare minimum. We are not able to contribute as much as we'd like to savings or college funds because of childcare costs. I can't keep my son with a nanny who offers no stimulating fun for him and leaves me huge messes to clean up at the end of the day. I can't find a small, in-home daycare that can take him. My only other thought is maybe an au pair or quit my job. The issue is we have a small 3bedroom house and if we hired an au pair we would not have any privacy. We would likely need to sell our house and find a house with a basement bedroom and en-suite. I feel like I am in an impossible situation and maybe need to take a leave of absence from work to find childcare.

8 nannies in 2 years tells me a lot about you, OP, and it's not good.

Your nanny sounds awful if she is ignoring things you ask of her. Have you given her a schedule? M- Library T-read along at the X, W- the zoo, etc.

If you find a good nanny with out the certifications, consider paying for them so she has them.

I'm not clear as to why daycare is not OK but pre-school is. You do know germs don't differentiate between the two.

8 nannies in two years.... it's probably not a nanny issue.