Please tell me what you would do in my situation because I am at a loss (childcare)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny should be on time but I would allow her to bring a coffee and a breakfast item. Yes, get rid of the convenience foods and prepare food for the nanny to give him for the day’s breakfast and lunch each night. Tell her to clean any messes she and the baby make each day. I’d allow one child’s program while he was eating. She should take him for a walk or outing every day unless the weather is bad.

Op told all of this to the nanny already ^^^. Nanny is ignoring it

[Anonymous]

Are DMV rates higher than in NYC? Because there are plenty of better Nannie’s out there in nyc for $20- I just interviewed a bunch. Sure, you will have more options at $25 but $20-22 got me some really good candidates still.

[Anonymous]

8 nannies in 2 years?! That is extreme and points to something more than a miscommunication issue with the contract.

Your nanny now sounds awful.

Buy a 2nd fridge to hide the treats in.

Ask your pediatrician if daycare/preschool would be Ok now.

[Anonymous]

Can you do a smaller in-home? Best of both worlds. Can you mask your child? I'm not in favor of toddler masking generally but for an immunocompromised child it might make sense.

Maybe find a daycare that is strict about teachers masking and vaccination schedules. Some pediatricians, imo, are overly conservative about daycare and give you the "best practices"/perfectionist recommendation. Get a second opinion from another ped and be very explicit that you can't afford a nanny and need to find another solution.

I agree your rate is a bit low, but try to find an older nanny, maybe a retired grandma who wants to be around kids but doesn't need the money. Your issue is common in nearly all the nannies/sitters I've hired who are young (<25), even the engaging ones who are great with children. Never had that issue with older nannies, who are proactive, neat, conscientious and don't require hand holding.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, this sounds like a very frustrating situation. While yes, $20/hour is on the lower end in the area, being on time and picking up messes while working should be an automatic. Talk to her again. As a pp mentioned, I'd let the TV part go. Your son will be okay with 45 min right now. Wish you well.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Mom now but used to be a Nanny. I wouldn’t have an issue with her bringing coffee to work. I’m currently drinking coffee at work. Being late is an issue but I’m wondering if you are working from home if she feels like you don’t actually need her as early as you said. She should still be on time but you should make yourself scarce when she walks in…. If her start time is 8 and you are fussing around the kitchen where the child is until 830 that might be why she’s coming later. Talk to her but be prepared to disappear when she shows up. Tell her he needs a fruit or veg with every meal. If you have nuggets and pizza in the house she’s going to give them to him. Decide whether this is worth fighting on. If it is then get rid of them and give her a list of suggested foods. If not then you need to let him eat them in her care. Chicken nuggets once or twice a week with some sliced veggies is not the end of the world imo. Yes she should take him for a walk or to a park everyday, what does she say when you ask her to do this?

[Anonymous]

My mother would call this champagne taste and a beer budget. Also, 8 nannies in 2 years - yikes. You need to do some serious self-reflection, OP.

[Anonymous]

At this point i'm kind of at a loss. I can't afford to hire a nanny at $25-30/hr. I earn 6K/month after taxes and am paying 4K/month for childcare right now and am SO RESENTFUL to be giving up 2/3rds of my salary for someone to just keep my son alive and do the absolute bare minimum. We are not able to contribute as much as we'd like to savings or college funds because of childcare costs. I can't keep my son with a nanny who offers no stimulating fun for him and leaves me huge messes to clean up at the end of the day. I can't find a small, in-home daycare that can take him. My only other thought is maybe an au pair or quit my job. The issue is we have a small 3bedroom house and if we hired an au pair we would not have any privacy. We would likely need to sell our house and find a house with a basement bedroom and en-suite. I feel like I am in an impossible situation and maybe need to take a leave of absence from work to find childcare.

Sure you can pay more - you are just choosing not to, so you can keep funding retirement and college. While it's great to sock away money for college ASAP, it's silly to do so when you are so deeply unsatisfied with your current child care. Get on the list for daycare, hire a more expensive nanny, and re-evaluate as needed. Also, your expectations with a nanny share are out of whack.

[Anonymous]

You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are DMV rates higher than in NYC? Because there are plenty of better Nannie’s out there in nyc for $20- I just interviewed a bunch. Sure, you will have more options at $25 but $20-22 got me some really good candidates still.

Is this on the books or off? $20 after taxes is not a lot. Back when we were looking we struggled to find anyone good at $30 (on the books). Honestly I think the career Nannies who are the best tend to work off books and I hated missing out on that. I had to pay more for less experience and spent a lot of time training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

Agree, plus all the other kids at a licensed, regulated daycare center will be vaccinated for rotavirus -- this is one instance where "herd immunity" really works. Same with measles, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

I don’t know anything about OP child’s health condition and it’s a super personal decision. But OP

1. No one will think you made a bad decision if you send your kid to care and your kid gets sick. Everyone just had to make this calculus and it’s a scary crappy decision but it’s a reasonable one. Let me relieve you of any guilt box.

2. If you want to keep nanny model, you need to view the payment as an actual investment that will return profit in the future. An investment in your future career earnings, your mental healthy, your family’s health. View that as an actual future cash stream like retirement savings. It’s all related. A temporary hit for a couple years that ultimately gets you to a better place is worth it. If you’re talking credit card debt that’s a different issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the share option work for you? It seems like the best one so im not clear on the barrier.

Menu should she pay 50/50 when she has one kid and the other family has two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

I don’t know anything about OP child’s health condition and it’s a super personal decision. But OP

1. No one will think you made a bad decision if you send your kid to care and your kid gets sick. Everyone just had to make this calculus and it’s a scary crappy decision but it’s a reasonable one. Let me relieve you of any guilt box.

2. If you want to keep nanny model, you need to view the payment as an actual investment that will return profit in the future. An investment in your future career earnings, your mental healthy, your family’s health. View that as an actual future cash stream like retirement savings. It’s all related. A temporary hit for a couple years that ultimately gets you to a better place is worth it. If you’re talking credit card debt that’s a different issue.

Yep. Keep in mind nothing - even a careful nanny - is zero risk. My DD caught her first horrible virus from a nanny (and I didn't blame the nanny - it happens!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't the share option work for you? It seems like the best one so im not clear on the barrier.

Menu should she pay 50/50 when she has one kid and the other family has two?

she can always negotiate with the family. and anyway, 50-50 is better because it is very awkward if one nanny family pays more - you want to have equal relationships with the nanny. and some people prefer the share to be in someone else’s house. I know I did! I didn’t have to worry about keeping my house super clean, room for both babies, etc. The only downside is you have to schlep your kid to the other house, but it’s generally easier to find a nanny share partner close to you than a daycare. And of course with WFH, it’s much better to have the share in the other house!