My DD keeps yelling that life isn’t fair

[Anonymous]

Does she yell because you are not listening?

I mean, life isn’t fair. I just had this conversation with my 10 year old yesterday. Her older sister has profound special needs, which means our life just doesn’t look like other families. We talked about how, yes, it sucks that we sometimes cannot do things that other families can do. It sucks that we have to still babyproof for a 12 year old. It sucks that her sister cannot tell us her favorite color or communicate. But, we also talked about how we are very, very lucky that we have enough money to hire sitters so we can still do lots of things, that we have plenty of food to eat and that lots of people love them and no one is hurting them.

But if I just kept blowing my kid off or punishing her when she says “this sucks and isn’t fair,” she would likely escalate.

[Anonymous]

I tell my kids life is not fair. Bets to learn it young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oooooh is she a Libra? It's clear justice is an important value to her. That's a great trait to have. You might try acknowledging that and asking her how she would change things to make them more just.

Such an interesting statement. I am a libra and it is very important to me. Remind her that fair doesn’t mean equal. But if she keeps complaining about her seemingly privileged life, maybe taking things away will help clarify her view of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're going to match an 8 yo’s tantrum? That sounds very mature of you.

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Power struggles, tantrums, Suffering Contest (someone will always have it worse than you), etc.
Op - I'd take a step back and try to understand her perspective from an 8yr old perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need ages of her and the siblings. As for meal choices, ask for input from all the kids when planning your weekly meals. Maybe she needs some 1 on 1 time with you.

Her little brothers are 4 and 6. They probably do get more attention; especially the 4 yr old. But the screaming is over the top.

Screaming usually happens because a child feels like they aren’t heard otherwise. It sounds like there’s a negative reinforcement cycle going on where the 8 yo is largely ignored in favor of her siblings when she’s behaving properly, so the only way she can get attention is by acting up. Negative attention can be better than no attention for a kid who’s starved for any attention.

+100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lecturing her when she's already being unreasonable won't work. I'd work in those conversations when she's relaxed and you're having a nice chat.

If you have cleaning staff, given your statement about your million-dollar home, I'd still work towards carving out daily chores. She's pretty privileged, so she doesn't have the best perspective.

Yes, she will definitely feel like life is more fair when she’s sent to clean up after her siblings while they get to do the fun stuff with mom.

Well having the siblings also working on their own chores is also important. I would have thought that seemed obvious, but thanks for clearing that up.

I suspect it’s not obvious to OP, who already admitted to catering to the younger siblings at the expense of her oldest.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lecturing her when she's already being unreasonable won't work. I'd work in those conversations when she's relaxed and you're having a nice chat.

If you have cleaning staff, given your statement about your million-dollar home, I'd still work towards carving out daily chores. She's pretty privileged, so she doesn't have the best perspective.

Yes, she will definitely feel like life is more fair when she’s sent to clean up after her siblings while they get to do the fun stuff with mom.

Well having the siblings also working on their own chores is also important. I would have thought that seemed obvious, but thanks for clearing that up.

I suspect it’s not obvious to OP, who already admitted to catering to the younger siblings at the expense of her oldest.

+1

There is absolutely nothing about this in the OP.

[Anonymous]

This song. Just play it when she says it! https://music.apple.com/us/album/thats-not-fair/6409786?i=6409772

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lecturing her when she's already being unreasonable won't work. I'd work in those conversations when she's relaxed and you're having a nice chat.

If you have cleaning staff, given your statement about your million-dollar home, I'd still work towards carving out daily chores. She's pretty privileged, so she doesn't have the best perspective.

Yes, she will definitely feel like life is more fair when she’s sent to clean up after her siblings while they get to do the fun stuff with mom.

Well having the siblings also working on their own chores is also important. I would have thought that seemed obvious, but thanks for clearing that up.

I suspect it’s not obvious to OP, who already admitted to catering to the younger siblings at the expense of her oldest.

+1

There is absolutely nothing about this in the OP.

From a later post by OP:

“Her little brothers are 4 and 6. They probably do get more attention; especially the 4 yr old.”

[Anonymous]

My mom always told us that fair us by always equal. For example, if one kid needs new pajamas but the other kid still has some that fit, just the kid that needs them gets them.
Also, any complaints by my siblings or I of “that’s not fair!” Were met with a shrug & “life isn’t always fair.” I highly recommend this. You will drive yourself crazy trying to make everything fair/equal all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's in for a big shock when she goes out in the real world high school, college, and getting and keeping a job. One whine about job and she would be fired on the spot. I hope you have enough money to keep her for life.

HAHAHA. Absolutely not. You’re ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, can’t get past the salmon and vegetable omelet. I wouldn’t call it unfair though so much as a textural nightmare and a crime to people with tastebuds everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because I ended up as a single mom after having a very VERY over sheltered childhood and was absolutely unprepared for life as an adult, I didn’t want my kids to have a shock when confronted with that reality. While trying to be as loving and supportive and understanding as I could, I did say to my kids at times, life is hard, get used to it. You can have a good life but it won’t always be easy one.

[Anonymous]

"Lots of things aren't fair. We can talk about it when you stop yelling, and your siblings are in bed."

Then follow through, giving her your undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's in for a big shock when she goes out in the real world high school, college, and getting and keeping a job. One whine about job and she would be fired on the spot. I hope you have enough money to keep her for life.

HAHAHA. Absolutely not. You’re ridiculous.

I have a small business and I fired an employee for constant whining and complaining. I hire you to do a job not to complain and there a lot of employers who feel the same.