How can I get him to stop doing this, or train myself not to be bothered?

[Anonymous]

my situation is not exactly like yours, but similar.

i just serve the dinner as planned. i might even put it away. he can fend for himself when he gets home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you op but it would’ve set me off because
1. I hate warmed up food
2. It is important to me that our family eats together. It sets a tone for the kids and keeps us all in one spot for at least 20 minutes each day

By showing up late to a family meal he is also setting the tone for the kids who as teenagers will be harder to corral to
The table. He is also subtly sending the message that family meals together aren’t important.

It is old fashioned but that is the way I feel about it.

I would tell him all that and see if he can cook once a week so it isn’t always you.-

Hello 1960’s.

[Anonymous]

Just start asking him if he stopping somewhere. Every time he calls, just ask "are you stopping or doing any errands?"

Sometimes, he might just want some time to himself. So maybe every Wednesday he can do his errands or even just stop and get a drink and read for a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP needs some more important stuff to worry about in her life. If this was a DH complaining like this everyone on here would call him a controlling a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

Did you read the OP? He calls her every day when he is leaving work so that she can time the meal so that it’s hot when he gets home. She WANTS to do this. All she is asking him to do is tell her that he is planning to run an errand when he calls after work. Or send a text if he was stopped in the parking lot, so she knows to time it a little later.

Np here. I did read. It's twice a month. If he's late and doesn't call he can warm up his plate.
Drama over nothing

[Anonymous]

Planned family dinner only on weekends. During weekdays, you cook when you can and family members eat when they can. Otherwise, it’s too difficult to coordinate and just not worth it. Choose your battles - this one definitely is NOT it.

[Anonymous]

Do you work outside the home? Sometimes you just want 30 min to yourself between office stress and home stress, especially if you’re the kind of person who flips out over this.

[Anonymous]

Should say *married to

[Anonymous]

You know there are ways to hack your own iPhone location to make it appear you are somewhere else,,,you can even move it along the way. I know cheaters that did that.

[Anonymous]

This would royally p**s me off too, op. It’s difficult nd frustrating to have a meal ready only to have your husband not be there especially wen if it was a hot date, a work meeting, a sports event, you know and he knows he’d manage to be there on time. He’s doing this because he can and you really can’t stop it, it’s not like you can say “Kitchen’s closed, come back at breakfast” and mean it.

To the people who call you psycho for checking his location, op probably mentioned this so all you turkeys wouldn’t come on and say “he’s cheating” or “you just never know” or “It doesn’t take that long to f**ck the secretary”.

First, does he stop to do things you ask him to do like pick up dry-cleaning? Do you tell him “When you get here, don’t plan on going out again tonight, I need your ass at home so get whatever you need to do done before you get here?” Only you know this.

As for what you do, that’s up to you. If my husband was doing this in my marriage, and it was the only issue, it soon wouldn’t be mostly because the lack of consideration isn’t isolated, it will creep into other things.
IF it were me, I’d not get him a plate or wait for him, dinner is whenever you want dinner. His food preferences would no longer matter, if I wanted tuna and he wanted chicken (my husband won’t eat tuna) we’d be having tuna. I’m not going to cook for someone who literally can’t or won’t be bothered to show up to the table. I’d also tell him that take-out is what you want and he will be bringing it home for you and him. This won’t work every night but it will take the pressure off of you some evenings. If you want sushi for dinner one night, tell him he needs to bring it home. If you want Mexican, tell him he needs to bring it home. Let him know that he is depriving you and the kids of family time and you of adult conversation. I’m assuming that you talk about things at least you and he like that the conversation isn’t all about the kids all the time. I’m assuming also that you have stuff to tell him that you like not a list of complaints, or that he understands when you say “That b**ch at the library” or whatever, he does need to be aware when it’s conversation and when it’s complaining. You can also say Dinner happens every night but sex won’t if you aren’t home on time”
I get it op, everybody needs to eat, and a husband who thinks so little as to not be home for supper would infuriate me. I might even go so far as to cry and say I feel like a single mom, because sometimes tears are the only way men seem to know when we’re fed up.
I’ll also add that you aren’t wrong to want this, everybody telling you that you are is conducting their marriage in the way they see fit. You can do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

Did you read the OP? He calls her every day when he is leaving work so that she can time the meal so that it’s hot when he gets home. She WANTS to do this. All she is asking him to do is tell her that he is planning to run an errand when he calls after work. Or send a text if he was stopped in the parking lot, so she knows to time it a little later.

Np here. I did read. It's twice a month. If he's late and doesn't call he can warm up his plate.
Drama over nothing

But he DOES call. He calls and says that he will be there at 6pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP needs some more important stuff to worry about in her life. If this was a DH complaining like this everyone on here would call him a controlling a-hole.

If a man asked this question, he would sound like a girl, and she would sound like a shrew.

“You guys, every day, I time it so my wife has a hot meal on the table when she gets home from work. She calls on her way out of the office and has a one hour commute, so I know that I have one hour to get dinner on the table. Twice a month, she decides to do something else on her commute and just doesn’t come home. I know this is my fault. What can I do so I don’t get upset when she blows me off?”

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to let this go. If you only have family dinner most nights, this is great. Let him be. My DH has a completely unpredictable schedule, although he's always worked from home, it's still hard sometimes to get off a call to come to dinner at exactly the pre-appointed time. We eat without him, and I put his aside for when he is able to eat. Really, it's fine. You can't control him, you can only control yourself.

[Anonymous]

You lost me a "twice a month".