How can I get him to stop doing this, or train myself not to be bothered?

[Anonymous]

2 out 30 times isn’t a big deal. If this is the worst problem in your life, count your blessings and so some volunteer work. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

[Anonymous]

What's so wrong about asking him to heat up his own food whether he comes back at 6:10 or 7?
I don't get the issue. That's always what I do.

[Anonymous]

I get that it’s annoying. But it’s pretty amazing to me that he can time his arrival home every day. My commute is so unpredictable and my spouse works in healthcare and gets stopped by families and staff in the parking lot. It never works so well for us.

Anyway if it were something like being late for childcare pick up or something like that, I’d be mad. But for the occasional dinner, NBD.

As for how to not get upset, reset your thinking about how nice it is to have some time alone with your kids and enjoy it. Maybe he’ll even clean up - that’s what would happen in my house.

[Anonymous]

You’re trying to control the only flex time he has. Stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

+1000

[Anonymous]

Does he work near the clocktower Gold's. A certain Bureau's customer is notorious for surprise "stay-lates". Eat at 6 with your kids no matter what. Have him call you when he leaves. Monitor the GPS tracker on his phone (or put a burner in his glove compartment) using the Lookout app. Tell kids you'll be sharing a bedtime snack with him since his schedule is fickle. Find out how long his contract is-half it as the more "stay-lates" you have the poorer the project is coming along. If your GPS phone tracker is not showing out of the parking lot, don't believe him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

Yeah…none of this is good.

[Anonymous]

I think your DH just wants to dodge home responsibility— dry cleaning is less work than helping with homework.

It’s rude and disrespectful of your time and if my DH did it I would expect him to make it up to me and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are psycho and controlling. Twice a month he isn’t home for family dinner because he is running an errand, for the family and you are upset? When is he supposed to do what he needs to do when he gets off at 6pm? Twice a month is nothing… then you automatically think he is cheating so you have to check his location? My oh my…

Did you read the OP? He calls her every day when he is leaving work so that she can time the meal so that it’s hot when he gets home. She WANTS to do this. All she is asking him to do is tell her that he is planning to run an errand when he calls after work. Or send a text if he was stopped in the parking lot, so she knows to time it a little later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he work near the clocktower Gold's. A certain Bureau's customer is notorious for surprise "stay-lates". Eat at 6 with your kids no matter what. Have him call you when he leaves. Monitor the GPS tracker on his phone (or put a burner in his glove compartment) using the Lookout app. Tell kids you'll be sharing a bedtime snack with him since his schedule is fickle. Find out how long his contract is-half it as the more "stay-lates" you have the poorer the project is coming along. If your GPS phone tracker is not showing out of the parking lot, don't believe him.

You sound unhinged

[Anonymous]

Pick one day a week that you make a nice meal and ask him to be home by 6pm that day. Otherwise, plan to eat something simple with the kids, and he can join you if he’s home.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the DH gets off at 5pm and has an hour commute before he stops off anywhere I’d say planning dinner at 6 in not reasonable on a good day. Forget everything else.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you need to make family meal time just on the weekends, for workaholics, traffic and other unpredictables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Dinner is at six”.

He rolls in at 6:10.

“Hi! Want a plate?”

New poster. This, OP, and yes, it applies even if it's 7:00 and not 6:10.

Here's why: "Twice in the past month." So...two days out of 30. If that is the usual rate at which this happens, I think you have lost perspective here. Yes, OP, I agree, it is thoughtless, but does it warrant this type of language?

"My blood pressure goes through the roof"
"We've discussed this until I'm blue in the face"
"It feels like blatant disrespec

That's pretty catastrophizing language for something which you, yourself, refer to as "sort of small potatoes." Something that happens (if this is the case) maybe once every other week or so, right?

I am not defending him. But I think the ironclad adherence to "be here at 6, and if you're late, I start checking your location" -- that's perspective that's out of whack. Why check his location to see if he is where he says he is? That is the action of someone who is assuming on some level -- can we admit this here? -- that she thinks he's lied to her about other things, so she's generally suspicious, and/or she is so angry she acts out like someone who's suspicious. Neither is a good thing on your part, OP. Have you thought through why this one small thing is SO disproportionately irritating to you beyond your DH and dinner?

Again, I think it's impolite but not "blatant disrespect" in neon letters. It's not worth how angry it seems to make you. I am asking seriously -- Were you raised either to put high value on everyone eating together at a set time, or were you conversely raised in a family where no one ever managed to be on time or eat together? Either could help account for the emphasis you have on that part of things. Of course it's a good thing to be consistent with dinnertime and eat as a family, I agree, but can you see how the level of your upset and anger, to the point you text him, track him etc., are out of proportion to the offense? Especially as he's otherwise, your words, "wonderful"?

Just one thing to keep in mind -- if your kids are fairly young, a set dinnertime works now but will not always work. If kids start having extracurriculars, dinnertime all together, at the same time daily, may go out the window. You're possibly going to find in a few years that you and kid one have to have dinner at 5 and get out the door to a dance class or ball game, and dad has to come in, grab kid two and get to a school event with dinner late, afterward. Some days of course there can be dinner at the table together at 6. But this will change especially by middle and high school, so bear that in mind. I don't say that as a way to let your DH off the hook now, but to give some perspective for the years to come.

I just wanted to highlight this incredibly thoughtful response. Most of us who have been married for a long time are rolling our eyes over OP’s over-the-top response, but we probably have forgotten what it was like when we were still trying to figure out what’s really important and what’s not.