Dressing nicely when companions aren't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's like this. If I wear a casual dress and sandals, I automatically look more dressed up than DH in khaki shorts and old running shoes and polo and DS in the same, minus a plain t-shirt.

But I'm too overweight to wear shorts and even when I wear jeans, I stick out. Know what I mean?

Can you show us an example of the kind of dress you're wearing, and what shoes you'd wear with it? I'm just having a hard time picturing what you are wearing, that you feel so out of place with your family.

Something like this: https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/afternoon-dress-in-gathered-floral-block-print/BI600?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=batik-block-with-lurex&colorProductCode=BI600 with this: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Italian-Shoemakers-Womens-Cruise-Wedge-Sandals/926006618

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's like this. If I wear a casual dress and sandals, I automatically look more dressed up than DH in khaki shorts and old running shoes and polo and DS in the same, minus a plain t-shirt.

But I'm too overweight to wear shorts and even when I wear jeans, I stick out. Know what I mean?

Can you show us an example of the kind of dress you're wearing, and what shoes you'd wear with it? I'm just having a hard time picturing what you are wearing, that you feel so out of place with your family.

Something like this: https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/afternoon-dress-in-gathered-floral-block-print/BI600?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=batik-block-with-lurex&colorProductCode=BI600 with this: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Italian-Shoemakers-Womens-Cruise-Wedge-Sandals/926006618

Ahhh - so that's the issue. That's a great dress and you can easily make it look more casual by wearing more casual shoes. Those wedges are a little dressy - more dressy than you need with that dress. If you don't mind your feet being covered, get some canvas sneakers - that'll dress it down. If you don't like your feet being covered, then maybe something like this:

https://www.madewell.com/the-noelle-slingback-sandal-in-leather-99104952140.html?source=googlePLA&noPopUp=true&srcCode=Paid_Search|Shopping_NonBrand_SSC|Google|MWGGBS00002_99104952140_13612185313_126900886987_295613137580_c__online__9012124&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjwsJ6TBhAIEiwAfl4TWI3xKkdZzr5yhpA-PYZup25HzIDO8yX6XOPrsdYeYZbrKWBgVzIbfBoCU6IQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Other people probably have good sandal suggestions (I mostly wear clogs, myself).

But yeah, this one is easy to solve. New shoes that are less dressy. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

I'm interested in how you dress because I'm fat and always look sloppy and my brother and his wife and their kids always are dressed up nicely and look neat. I just ignore it. Everyone likes me despite how I dress so I don't really worry about it. They do what feels right for them, and I do what feels right/comfortable to me.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH not pick up on the fact or do you not call him out for being undressed?

[Anonymous]

I refuse to burden myself with this doubt, since my husband and son routinely dress like slobs, and I dress nicely. Too bad. I dress for myself!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. If we’re going out to eat, DH puts on a polo with a collar even if it means me turning him around at the front door. He has a personal rule that he won’t wear shorts without a fly and belt unless he’s at the gym or the pool. I feel like that fixes most casual summer wardrobe issues. And I iron like a weirdo, because everything looks more decent with a quick press.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you probably look really nice! If you feel out of place, perhaps do as a pp suggested and wear more casual shoes. And perhaps you could get your family to dress a bit nicer. Or, really, you could just own it! Embrace the way you love to present yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's like this. If I wear a casual dress and sandals, I automatically look more dressed up than DH in khaki shorts and old running shoes and polo and DS in the same, minus a plain t-shirt.

But I'm too overweight to wear shorts and even when I wear jeans, I stick out. Know what I mean?

The answer is to buy your DH a pair of nice sneakers and say that you got him a nice pair of fashion sneakers to wear when he goes out to eat etc. or just replace his full sneaker collection since it sounds like it is time. Maybe he needs new shorts too. There is nothing wrong with fashion sneakers and khaki shorts in 80% of situations so I’d guess the issue is rattiness/old clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'll be blunt: how do I not look overdressed when DH and DS just toss on a t-shirt and old running shoes? I'm overweight and really have to make an effort if I don't want to look sloppy, but lately I'm either dressed to their level of casualness and sloppy or looking decent on my own and overdressed when they're next to me. Surely I'm not the only mother/wife with this issue???

I dress for myself. Comfortable but cute and presentable.

Here is an example:

https://www.macys.com/shop/plus-size-clothing/plus-size-tops/Occasion,Top_style/Casual,Blouse?id=34048

I don't always shop at Macy's but these are the looks I go for. You can pair them up with some over the knee shorts too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if we are going somewhere and my people are not dressed appropriately, they get sent back to change. you could tell them ahead of time what you would like them to wear, thus avoiding the anger they may have from being sent to change.

Does "your people" include your husband, or anyone out of college and living on their own dime?

mostly, "my people" is my husband, but sometimes it includes my daughter who lives elsewhere but is here sometimes. she will usually ask what i am wearing and dress accordingly, my husband, not so much.

[Anonymous]

OP, from your description, your husband and son dress appropriately for the occasion: errands, out and about, touristy places. They opt for comfort and casual, which is fine. As long their t shirts are clean, not too visibly wrinkled, I don't see what the problem is, and I would not call them slobs. You can dress nicely and still look fit for the casual occasion. Choose cotton dresses that fit well, for example.

My uniform in the summer is cotton dresses or cotton tops and eyelet skirts. I dress down my outfit by wearing comfortable slip on shoes or keens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, from your description, your husband and son dress appropriately for the occasion: errands, out and about, touristy places. They opt for comfort and casual, which is fine. As long their t shirts are clean, not too visibly wrinkled, I don't see what the problem is, and I would not call them slobs. You can dress nicely and still look fit for the casual occasion. Choose cotton dresses that fit well, for example.

My uniform in the summer is cotton dresses or cotton tops and eyelet skirts. I dress down my outfit by wearing comfortable slip on shoes or keens.

Yes. They are not slobs. I just don't know how to dress down so I don't look extremely overdressed without wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looking sloppy. Will try to dress down the dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, from your description, your husband and son dress appropriately for the occasion: errands, out and about, touristy places. They opt for comfort and casual, which is fine. As long their t shirts are clean, not too visibly wrinkled, I don't see what the problem is, and I would not call them slobs. You can dress nicely and still look fit for the casual occasion. Choose cotton dresses that fit well, for example.

My uniform in the summer is cotton dresses or cotton tops and eyelet skirts. I dress down my outfit by wearing comfortable slip on shoes or keens.

Yes. They are not slobs. I just don't know how to dress down so I don't look extremely overdressed without wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looking sloppy. Will try to dress down the dresses.

As you describe it, i would hardly call you "extremely overdressed". You're not wearing a prom dress. You look fine, they look fine. No one is noticing or judging.

[Anonymous]

But why does it have to be a "battle"? Unless it is literally a funeral or a wedding, I would never comment on what my grown-ass adult husband chooses to wear. If he looks underdressed at the restaurant? Oh well. If he fails to meet a dress code and a country club or whatever asks him to put on a tie or leave, welp, maybe it will be a table for one and I'll Uber home! I have never understood women who feel the need to yap about what their husbands wear.

Same. My DH is pretty good about restaurants, but out running errands - anything goes. I might let him know if there are large amounts of food on his too small shirt (many shirts "shrank" during the pandemic) or cover him if he forgets his belt and his butt crack is showing when he bends over in the grocery store. Seriously, I otherwise do not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about how they look. Dress in whatever makes you feel comfortable and presentable. They probably don’t notice what you’re wearing anyway if they are the type to dress so casually.

+1