Child is likely going to fail a class—-what would your reaction be

[Anonymous]

Sometimes kids fail when they take hard classes, shrug.

They usually won't be passed along in college, if the college is any good. Hopefully your dc can go to their advisor and figure out what they should do...still time to drop the class? Take an incomplete and retake it? Fail and retake? There are options, usually. Being angry because the class is hard is not the optimal choice.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Okay my child probably isn’t going to get an actual F but they said they may get D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay my child probably isn’t going to get an actual F but they said they may get D.

Do you earn credit with a D? I know that my Alma Mater you had to earn at least a C to get credit. I have a deal with my kids that they owe me $ for any classes they don't get credit for (they show me their grade report at the end of each semester). I think it is very normal to be disappointed. College tuition is expensive. I'd prefer my kid take less credit hours and do well, then struggle through a full load.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay my child probably isn’t going to get an actual F but they said they may get D.

Do you earn credit with a D? I know that my Alma Mater you had to earn at least a C to get credit. I have a deal with my kids that they owe me $ for any classes they don't get credit for (they show me their grade report at the end of each semester). I think it is very normal to be disappointed. College tuition is expensive. I'd prefer my kid take less credit hours and do well, then struggle through a full load.

OP here. They’re in 15 credits. Its not a major required class so they can probably just take a different class next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay my child probably isn’t going to get an actual F but they said they may get D.

Do you earn credit with a D? I know that my Alma Mater you had to earn at least a C to get credit. I have a deal with my kids that they owe me $ for any classes they don't get credit for (they show me their grade report at the end of each semester). I think it is very normal to be disappointed. College tuition is expensive. I'd prefer my kid take less credit hours and do well, then struggle through a full load.

OP here. They’re in 15 credits. Its not a major required class so they can probably just take a different class next time.

If they retake it and improve their grade, would it wipe the F off their transcript?

[Anonymous]

You have described your kid as a hard working student .

Imagine how they feel right now.

Stop thinking of yourself and try to help them figure out what went wrong.

They need support, and a reminder that this is not who they are. You sound pretty useless in the parenting category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God my parents never knew college grades.

You're a lunatic.

If parents are paying, they should definitely know about a failing grade. That is the kid's job for 4 years.

My parents always said they wouldn't pay past 4 years. And if you came home--you had to have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends a lot. My stepdaughter failed classes every semester for 3 semesters. She would just procrastinate, get behind, and then avoid it and skip classes. She has ADHD but her mother is in denial about it and has convinced her she doesn’t need medication of coaching. It was just community college so hit a fortune, but still a considerable amount of money to just be throwing away.

The last two times she has asked for money for classes, we have said she can pay ahead of time (she has plenty of money in her savings of very generous birthday and holiday money) and that we would reimburse half for any passing grade (presumably, her mother would pay the other half.)

Unfortunately, she decided this wasn’t a good risk for her OWN money so she hasn’t tied to enroll again, nor has she made any changes to address why she failed over and over. It’s a shame because she’s a bright woman.

Anyway, I’d want a young adult to have some skin in the game if I had the sense that he/she was just blowing off glass.

To be clear, I don’t believe parents have a right to access to their adult children’s grades unless they are paying. If I’m funding my son’s college, I expect him to show me his grades at the end of every semester.

You just said that your "skin in the game" advice caused your kid to drop out of college...so perhaps you should not be mentoring others on this topic.

I feel bad for your daughter. Again, by your own admission, her mother is in denial about her disability...so perhaps you did the best she could, given her condition.
Why don't you pay for therapy or an educational specialist who can help her figure out how to move forward, instead of holding money over her head.

[Anonymous]

Make them pay you for the class cost.

This is what I hear many parents doing as a threat to make sure their kids don't slack off on college classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make them pay you for the class cost.

This is what I hear many parents doing as a threat to make sure their kids don't slack off on college classes.

Sometimes, people fail or get a poor grade in a class not due to “slacking off.” I hope you realize that.

[Anonymous]

“I’m so sorry dear, that must be so stressful. Is there anything I can do to help?”

The end.

She’s an adult. She’s clearly nowhere near failing out or need to take extra semesters. There’s no mention of merit aid that requires a certain GPA. Let her figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a class that is not related to their major or to any gen Ed requirement they haven’t already met, so just # of credits. Would you be angry? Child is generally a decent student, has never failed a class before in hs or college. I’m pretty pissed honestly.

I would be very upset too. Kid needs to pay you back for the "F".

[Anonymous]

OP, your DC needs to go talk to their advisor and find a way to deal with the D or F; can the class be retaken? Is it better to fail than get a D? Or is it better to get a D? What are the options?

Have a feeling your kid feels so bad about this that they aren't exploring what options they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a class that is not related to their major or to any gen Ed requirement they haven’t already met, so just # of credits. Would you be angry? Child is generally a decent student, has never failed a class before in hs or college. I’m pretty pissed honestly.

I would be very upset too. Kid needs to pay you back for the "F".

Why? Did you read the rest of the thread? -NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends a lot. My stepdaughter failed classes every semester for 3 semesters. She would just procrastinate, get behind, and then avoid it and skip classes. She has ADHD but her mother is in denial about it and has convinced her she doesn’t need medication of coaching. It was just community college so hit a fortune, but still a considerable amount of money to just be throwing away.

The last two times she has asked for money for classes, we have said she can pay ahead of time (she has plenty of money in her savings of very generous birthday and holiday money) and that we would reimburse half for any passing grade (presumably, her mother would pay the other half.)

Unfortunately, she decided this wasn’t a good risk for her OWN money so she hasn’t tied to enroll again, nor has she made any changes to address why she failed over and over. It’s a shame because she’s a bright woman.

Anyway, I’d want a young adult to have some skin in the game if I had the sense that he/she was just blowing off glass.

To be clear, I don’t believe parents have a right to access to their adult children’s grades unless they are paying. If I’m funding my son’s college, I expect him to show me his grades at the end of every semester.

Wow, your wife sounds like a shitty parent.