Child is likely going to fail a class—-what would your reaction be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want them to realize that they probably should have dropped early, talk to their academic advisor about possible options (could they retake the class, for example), and if it's something they can't fix-then move on with a lesson learned.

+1

[Anonymous]

Considering it's almost May, I would assume dropping the class is not an option. Some colleges have few grades (midterm and final) and a early drop period so you don't know where you stand. Can he talk to the professor for some advice? Can a good grade on the final bring it up to a D?

[Anonymous]

I failed a class in college. Retook it the next semester and life went on. Honestly, it was fine. Yes, it lowered my grade point, but I still got into law school and all was ok.

I told my DC that they may have a clunker grade or two in college and it is ok. It helped them to relax and enjoy a bit.
As long as you get the degree or get into grad school or whatever your goal, it’s fine.

It sounds like it might be good for the kids of some parents on here to experience a little failure to learn how to deal
with it.

[Anonymous]

It depends a lot. My stepdaughter failed classes every semester for 3 semesters. She would just procrastinate, get behind, and then avoid it and skip classes. She has ADHD but her mother is in denial about it and has convinced her she doesn’t need medication of coaching. It was just community college so hit a fortune, but still a considerable amount of money to just be throwing away.

The last two times she has asked for money for classes, we have said she can pay ahead of time (she has plenty of money in her savings of very generous birthday and holiday money) and that we would reimburse half for any passing grade (presumably, her mother would pay the other half.)

Unfortunately, she decided this wasn’t a good risk for her OWN money so she hasn’t tied to enroll again, nor has she made any changes to address why she failed over and over. It’s a shame because she’s a bright woman.

Anyway, I’d want a young adult to have some skin in the game if I had the sense that he/she was just blowing off glass.

To be clear, I don’t believe parents have a right to access to their adult children’s grades unless they are paying. If I’m funding my son’s college, I expect him to show me his grades at the end of every semester.

[Anonymous]

He should try to withdraw from the class so he has a W rather than a F.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be angry until I had more information.

What happened from DC’s perspective? How’s their overall physical and emotional health? If your DC is in a complicated health situation, addressing that would be my first step.

What role are alcohol/drugs playing, if any?

I’d ask how we could help as parents.

It’s one thing to bring home mediocre grades, but failing a class is a sign that something went very wrong. Also, what year is DC?

Part of me is already furious on your behalf. But a larger part of me wants to know what’s going on with your DC, and to hopefully help them learn something from this and not repeat it.

I don't understand this huge overreaction. It's one class. It turned out to be harder than kid anticipated. Good for him for being ambitious and trying something new.

All of PP's concerns would make sense if his grades, in general, were slipping. When there is a problem with substance abuse, illness, mental health crisis, you don't bomb one class and do fine in the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a class that is not related to their major or to any gen Ed requirement they haven’t already met, so just # of credits. Would you be angry? Child is generally a decent student, has never failed a class before in hs or college. I’m pretty pissed honestly.

This is on your DC to handle but you can ask questions and can expect honest answers, to help show your DC how to navigate this. (Before the "that's helicoptering!" posters leap in here: It's not helicoptering. College age young adults do not magically know how to deal with every situation or how to proceed when they screw up, and it's fine for a parent--you know, an actual experienced adult -- to help the college student take a breath and figure out what the next step should be. That is not the same thing as solving the problem FOR the kid. End of PSA.)

Were you told this by your DC because DC was preparing you for the F? Setting your expectation? Is it possible that the course is not quite done and there is mitigation possible to raise it at least above failing and still get a credit? Has your DC asked about that? Maybe it's too late already but DC should inquire. It will be embarrassing and painful for DC to ask, yes, as it should be, but not asking could be worse.

Was DC fully aware that he or she was going down this path earlier in the course? (Surely the answer is yes, unless it's a class where maybe the entire grade hinges on one project that is 100 percent of the grade--??) What did DC do when they realized things were going to end up this way? Did DC try to get any help? Talk to the professor or a TA? Ask for an extension on a deadline etc.?

Was this a result of cutting classes, not doing homework? Doing homework and/or attending classes, but just not bothering to study for tests? Getting an essay assignment terribly wrong in DC's head (as in, did not understand it at all and got the wrong idea about what to do), or studying the wrong thing for a test if they did actually study? Or was this 100 percent "I registered then basically blew off everything?"

You're NOT giving DC an opening for excuses-- be clear with DC about that. You are working on a postmortem so this never happens again. Would this one failing grade affect the GPA to the point that DC would be put on academic probation? Or would lose a scholarship? If so-- those are the natural consequences. As is the loss of a credit. Make DC come up with a plan for how to make up that credit. Does this mean adding an extra class (and therefore extra work and stress) next semester? Taking a summer class in person or online somehow and transferring a credit? Tell DC that DC has to figure out how to get that credit. Will this affect graduation date?
All these are things for DC to answer for you.

One thing to consider, and I hope dismiss, is this: Were there any issues beyond merely blowing it off, laziness etc.? Any chance that there was a toxic person in the class (my DD's friend had an issue with a class where a guy who was a real a-hole persistently harassed the friend, and the girl was afraid to tell off the guy or report it to the TA or prof--it did get resolved but was a nightmare for a long time).

Is DC doing OK with all other classes? Sounds like it and sounds as if this one class was a case of slackness rather than other issues--but it is worth checking to be sure there wasn't anything like a problem student, or a mental health issue for your DC, etc. Checking into that is kind of due diligence, these days. Doesn't sound like the case here but it never hurts to check in.



Is anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a class that is not related to their major or to any gen Ed requirement they haven’t already met, so just # of credits. Would you be angry? Child is generally a decent student, has never failed a class before in hs or college. I’m pretty pissed honestly.

Why would anyone get angry over a thing like this at a time when he needs your support? Get some help.

This. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it too late to drop the class? is this a college senior and is it causing your child to not graduate? Could they make up the units at cc this summer?

What does you student saying is going on? If this is out of character, is your child okay?

OP here. They just have found the class to be really hard from the beginning. I am somewhat sure they’re okay.

They need to retake the class, then. Sometimes a class doesn't click on the first run through. You don't know how to study for it, or you got overwhelmed, or you didn't go to office hours and ask questions, or whatever. Persistence is more important than grades. Your kid needs to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try again. You need to help them develop a new plan of attack for this course.

[Anonymous]

1. Is DC really and truly OK? Ensure absolute fact and OK-ness here before moving on, _if_at_all_, to step 2.

2. What was the chain of events _and_decisions_ that led to this outcome? Which of these were outside of DC's control, and which were within it? College students often get very confused between these two things, believe it or not. It is part of their not-quite-yet-grown-up brains.

3. What could DC have done differently, and when? This response should contain action items, not just "I take full responsibility," which is the favorite platitude of undergraduates who think they are pacifying adults.

4. What will DC do next time a situation like this arises? Require research of and knowledge of school policies, if necessary.

5. What can/should DC do, if anything, to mitigate this? If this was a trial class for a major DC does not intend to pursue, retaking for a better grade is likely to be an uphill slog. Might be better to move on.

6. What will DCs reporting responsibilities be for the coming semester, e.g. to an adviser, an academic coach, a tutor, a counselor, and/or even to you?

[Anonymous]

Is it still possible to fail a class? I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

It is very hard to get an actual F. At this late stage it’s probably too late to drop the class, convert to pass fail. He might be stuck with a bad grade. He could talk to the professor? See if there is anything he could do? His GPA will suffer greatly if he gets an actual F or even a D. It is what it is, I’d be irked to hear this news from my DC and without a plan to try to recover from it. Is he a freshman? Why oh why didn’t he use the add drop or pass fail options when he found it tough going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it still possible to fail a class? I had no idea.

Yes, it is. Do you have anything helpful to add?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a class that is not related to their major or to any gen Ed requirement they haven’t already met, so just # of credits. Would you be angry? Child is generally a decent student, has never failed a class before in hs or college. I’m pretty pissed honestly.

Why would anyone get angry over a thing like this at a time when he needs your support? Get some help.

This. Relax.

+2 Mental health is a primary concern on college campuses. Don't sweat the relatively small stuff.

[Anonymous]

Have them withdraw so at least they don’t have the grade on their GPA. Then find out what’s happening to cause it.