Being single and seeing my friends get married and have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d focus on creating the best life you can.

I can assure you that marriage and kids aren’t the end all / be all.

+1. You're not trapped with an infertile man, crazy inlaws, a cheater, abuser, etc. Get a sperm donor and live your best life and don't worry about anyone else.

This. OP, I live in a picture perfect house with a decent looking high earning husband. We likely seem like a happy family and we are certainly fortunate.

I’m mostly miserable. I have terrible in-laws, my husband has run around on me, and he treats sleeping with me like a chore. I enjoy having sex and he’s barely interested. Whenever we go out or socialize all he talks about is his job and money. He thinks he is better than everyone else. He can’t handle drinking and I had to issue an ultimatum I will leave him if he doesn’t keep it under control. Whenever he drinks, he is unkind to me and acts like a moron. He doesn’t have many friends because he’s not a very likable person.

I have children but barely enjoy their company. Most of the time they annoy me. I just want some peace and quiet. I feel so guilty about this as I didn’t know I wasn’t a kid person before I had them.

Since I have a vagina I’m expected to plan everything. Every vacation is planned by me. I go on luxury vacations but just getting there is a PIA.

What brings me JOY in life is my dog. I love my dog. I fantasize about living in a luxury condo with just my dog.

[Anonymous]

Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other ladies here who are single get sad because they see their friends getting married and having kids? I know it sounds lame but I get depressed and sad because I can’t find anyone. Mid 30s and single and each guy I meet, they are either talking to multiple women, divorced with kids, or either jobless or have a blue-collar job…not that I have anything against that, but I’m looking for a family soon.

What do you do to cope and meet guys? I try to go to yoga classes, bookstores like Barnes and noble, I’m even trying kickball leagues this spring.

I get depressed and sad when I see beautiful, thin, young women who are still full of life and vitality and have the freedom to do whatever they want and still think life will be full of joy. Then I go home to an H that would rather watch basketball than talk to me, a kid that tells me I'm the worst mom ever because I won't make chicken nuggets, and a 2 month old that shrieks like a banshee every time I set her down to take a dump so I just hold it in for days because it's easier. As I finally get a chance to sit on the toilet and push out 3 days' worth a crap from a butthole that is still healing from tearing during childbirth, I look in the mirror and just see the shell of the woman I used to be, beaten down by life, bags under my eyes and lines on my face, shackled to a family that probably wouldn't even notice if I died because they're too busy on their screens, until the pantry held nothing but crumbs and an inch thick layer of filth covered everything, and then they'd finally look up from their devices and wonder....what happened to the magic that used to do all of this for us?

You need to see a therapist fast!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I remember this and yes, it's totally normal, and yes, it sucks. I think it's especially hard because as people marry and have kids they tend to get lots of positive attention at a time when they have great stuff going on in their lives anyway. I remember feeling invisible when I was in this stage.

In addition to the advice above (which I think is very good) I have one more piece of advice that I think will serve you whether you are single or dating or getting married:

Find a hobby. A true hobby -- something you are passionate about and want to pursue even if it doesn't help you meet men. Could be an activity like yoga, running, or rock climbing. Could be an area of focus or study, like reading (and maybe writing?) mystery novels, or baking, or woodworking. Make it something you can do with other like-minded people but that you can also pursue on your own. And then dig into it. Devote time to it, look for clubs or events in the area, take an online class on the subject. Find something that makes you feel good when you are doing and that you look forward to and enjoy talking about.

Part of this is because it makes dating better -- people will be attracted to your passion, it gives you something to talk about, and it makes you more memorable. But it's also to help sustain you. When you are going on dates and nothing is clicking, or you see someone for three weeks and they abruptly drop you, or it seems like everyone you meet is divorced or older or just doesn't feel right, having a passion will give you a break from all that. If it involves developing a skill or knowledge, it will also be a confidence builder and give you a reason to feel good about yourself that has nothing to do with your love life.

It will help, I promise.

Agree with this. In my 20s, including late 20s, I was really into downhill mountain bike racing and bike parkour. I wanted to talk about bikes, races, bike parts, bike trails and bike destinations. I wasn't trying to find a husband, but I met soooo many great guys. One did become my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 30s and single and each guy I meet, they are either talking to multiple women, divorced with kids, or either jobless or have a blue-collar job…not that I have anything against that, but I’m looking for a family soon.

Yes, because you waited too long to get serious about wanting to be married. You should have focused on this in your 20s. At this point, you need to lower your standards. That man with a "blue collar job" or "divorced with kids" or a man in his 40s or 50s (likely with kids) are your options now. That is the cold, hard truth. It's time to lower your price.

I think you go into a lot of threads and try to make people feel as bad as possible. Your legacy I guess. (For now, people change).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

The average man can't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL Barnes and Noble? What do you do just sit there and wait for a man to approach you? Hahahaha.

It's 2022. Men do not approach women in public. Maybe in bars when they are shitfaced but that's not the kind of attention you want anyways because they're just looking for a one night stand. Then again at your age it might be a way to trap man through unplanned pregnancy.

I did just get chatted up in Home Depot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other ladies here who are single get sad because they see their friends getting married and having kids? I know it sounds lame but I get depressed and sad because I can’t find anyone. Mid 30s and single and each guy I meet, they are either talking to multiple women, divorced with kids, or either jobless or have a blue-collar job…not that I have anything against that, but I’m looking for a family soon.

What do you do to cope and meet guys? I try to go to yoga classes, bookstores like Barnes and noble, I’m even trying kickball leagues this spring.

Executive MBA

This is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

The average man can't either.

You are right. That’s why it’s important for men and women to raise kids together and not out of wedlock.

[Anonymous]

Get involved in a sport, especially running and tennis. I have also had friends meet great guys through co-ed rec soccer and softball leagues.

Go into it looking to get some exercise and make new friends and it will be a win even if you don't find any romantic prospects - but if you're taking that approach you're more likely to meet a match than if you go in thinking 'I have to meet a man'. They can smell the desperation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

The average man can't either.

You are right. That’s why it’s important for men and women to raise kids together and not out of wedlock.

Marriage is irrelevant. Child support is based on income of both parents regardless of marital status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other ladies here who are single get sad because they see their friends getting married and having kids? I know it sounds lame but I get depressed and sad because I can’t find anyone. Mid 30s and single and each guy I meet, they are either talking to multiple women, divorced with kids, or either jobless or have a blue-collar job…not that I have anything against that, but I’m looking for a family soon.

What do you do to cope and meet guys? I try to go to yoga classes, bookstores like Barnes and noble, I’m even trying kickball leagues this spring.

I get depressed and sad when I see beautiful, thin, young women who are still full of life and vitality and have the freedom to do whatever they want and still think life will be full of joy. Then I go home to an H that would rather watch basketball than talk to me, a kid that tells me I'm the worst mom ever because I won't make chicken nuggets, and a 2 month old that shrieks like a banshee every time I set her down to take a dump so I just hold it in for days because it's easier. As I finally get a chance to sit on the toilet and push out 3 days' worth a crap from a butthole that is still healing from tearing during childbirth, I look in the mirror and just see the shell of the woman I used to be, beaten down by life, bags under my eyes and lines on my face, shackled to a family that probably wouldn't even notice if I died because they're too busy on their screens, until the pantry held nothing but crumbs and an inch thick layer of filth covered everything, and then they'd finally look up from their devices and wonder....what happened to the magic that used to do all of this for us?

Ha ha! I love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

The average man can't either.

You are right. That’s why it’s important for men and women to raise kids together and not out of wedlock.

Not if the marriage is horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog + independence is amazing. Getting sperm donor is always an option. When you feel the need dozens of men are available in hookup apps for quickie.

Feminism won, we’ve arrived ladies.

The average woman can’t afford to raise kids on her own.

Thats what child support is for. Go after the deadbeat.