Real Friends vs Mom Friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

Uh, no. You can make new friends and keep the old. Ditching your old friends assuming you can pick back with them later means you are a shitty friend

Im not shitty for prioritizing my kids.

You are a shitty friend of you ditch your old friends and think you can just pick them up, what, five ten fifteen years later? Because you only want to spend time with “mom” friends? Yes, that makes you a shitty friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess my kids are outcasts cause I never thought like this. Or sought to “establish myself with other moms” for kids’ sake.

I spend time with people I like and whose company I enjoy. When kids came along, it became easier to meet up with friends with kids, cause we’d end up at a playground or someone’s backyard, rather than clubbing on a Saturday night or having a long brunch on Sunday. But I still kept touch with childless friends, for a movie or drink, or just over for dinner. So friendships do shift, but it was never such a conscious choice like you’re making.

+1000. "establish myself with other moms" makes me gag. I'm a woman, who has had children. I am a person fundamentally and I don't need my identity to be based around my spawn. I focus on maintaining my relationships with the people who matter most. We don't always have the same situations, but we all try to take time and we connect regardless of kids. Frankly, I liked becoming a mom later in life and appreciated the guidance of my actual friends, but "mom friends" makes me cringe. HARD.

+1

[Anonymous]

That’s why it’s nice being a transplant. I have no friends 😀

[Anonymous]

I had friends that, after 10 years, I though were more real friends than mom friends. But we moved 18 months ago and they have not been very good about reaching out. I reach out to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make time for good friends, however they become my friends. My kids schools don’t have an inner circle- everyone is just friends with whoever they click with it who their kids click with.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom once told me that the dynamics of friendships shift, but true friendships always remain. Deep friendships will sustain life’s transitions. Let the old petty friends go. Move on.

This.

[Anonymous]

It's a really bizarre idea to me that you have to "establish yourself with other moms". What does this mean? It sounds really juvenile and clique ish. I totally understand the struggle associated with maintaining friendships with people who don't have kids when you're a mom, but it sounds like op is caught between two social worlds that never evolved into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

This response really drives home exactly why you should not abandon your longtime support system for superficial relationships. Imagine how fast this PP would drop you if you or your child were having a difficult time.

f you are at a school where your kids risk being outcasts if their parents aren't part of the "cool" group, your first order of business is to get the hell out of there. Move, pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

+1 I let my kids pick their own friends. I always have. It's a skill they need to learn. I never befriended moms of kids unless we really had a lot in common. Yes, I was friendly at games and when I saw them, but I have friends of my own that I've known for years that I don't see enough of. I disagree that makes you a good parent to join some inner circle of moms. It's cliquey and superficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

This doesn't make a kid an outcast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

+1 I let my kids pick their own friends. I always have. It's a skill they need to learn. I never befriended moms of kids unless we really had a lot in common. Yes, I was friendly at games and when I saw them, but I have friends of my own that I've known for years that I don't see enough of. I disagree that makes you a good parent to join some inner circle of moms. It's cliquey and superficial.

Mom friends become hard to maintain bc of all of the above. Even if you are geographically close, your lives move in different directions sooner or later due to kids and specifics surrounding them. Unless your mom friends turn into real friends along the way. Do make an effort to keep in the loop of your old friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

So you would risk leaving your kids as outcast just for your own friendships that would probably accept you back after the childhood years. Your child’s school years are temporary and you can get back to old friends later.

This doesn't make a kid an outcast.

If what OP writes is true, then there is a very big issue with the school you have selected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

Kids drift apart. Families move. Parents get divorced. Some kids play baseball. Others go to a different school because they are gifted. Or they choose private school.

I would not drop my real friends in attempts to make mom friends.

+1 I let my kids pick their own friends. I always have. It's a skill they need to learn. I never befriended moms of kids unless we really had a lot in common. Yes, I was friendly at games and when I saw them, but I have friends of my own that I've known for years that I don't see enough of. I disagree that makes you a good parent to join some inner circle of moms. It's cliquey and superficial.

Mom friends become hard to maintain bc of all of the above. Even if you are geographically close, your lives move in different directions sooner or later due to kids and specifics surrounding them. Unless your mom friends turn into real friends along the way. Do make an effort to keep in the loop of your old friends

The same can be said about friends made in every stage of life. I see the falling away of everyday friends as an inevitability and am grateful for the handful of folks where we have managed to stay close despite the shifts in life, location, and priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advise from an older woman: do everything in your power to keep close to your old friends. You will need them as touchstones and support later. “Mom friends” can become true friends but generally they are fleeting and mercurial. You’ll have to believe me on this.

I agree 1000% with this.

[Anonymous]

We set up WhatsApp groups for my friends from high school and friends from college. We stay in touch through chats and occasional video calls, and try to meet up once a year since many of us are not local. We spend more time with the families we know locally through school but I haven’t lost the threads that bind to my old friends.