Setting boundaries with MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time MIL is going to come over, hide the leftovers in the trunk of your car. And maybe your pills and ointments from the bathroom. Just remember to retrieve them when the old bat leaves.

Problem solved.

Are you high? Put refrigerated food in the trunk of a car? How would that work in DC during any months other than November-March? The food would be spoiled.

[Anonymous]

OP the bathroom snooping would bother me but lord I’d be thrilled to be left off holiday text crap, especially if they’re are only 5 people. Your H should be looping you in. And how many leftover containers do you have every time she visits? Again, minor issue.

Are you looking for drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the bathroom snooping would bother me but lord I’d be thrilled to be left off holiday text crap, especially if they’re are only 5 people. Your H should be looping you in. And how many leftover containers do you have every time she visits? Again, minor issue.

Are you looking for drama?

How does the amount of leftover containers matter ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The food things seems odd, but very minor in the scheme of things.

Re: planning, if she went straight to you for planning, wouldn't you be annoyed that she was assuming you handled all the planning and not your DH? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding that issue.

But listen, I get it. ILs can be annoying. My own parents can be annoying. The goal, I think, is to view them in the best possible light that you can (as in, always assume good intentions), and laugh about their quirks as much as you can, to preserve the relationship.

The caveat of this, of course, is if it's clear the ILs don't have the best intentions, are abusive etc. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

OP here. Yes they really can be annoying.

I just think she can include everyone who is in her plans. For every holiday, she will only text my husband what she’s doing, like food shes preparing for us, what she’s bringing to our home. I just think she can easily group text in those situations since the plans don’t surround just her and my husband.

Thanks for your input

Ask your husband to just keep quoting her and responding in the group text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The food things seems odd, but very minor in the scheme of things.

Re: planning, if she went straight to you for planning, wouldn't you be annoyed that she was assuming you handled all the planning and not your DH? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding that issue.

But listen, I get it. ILs can be annoying. My own parents can be annoying. The goal, I think, is to view them in the best possible light that you can (as in, always assume good intentions), and laugh about their quirks as much as you can, to preserve the relationship.

The caveat of this, of course, is if it's clear the ILs don't have the best intentions, are abusive etc. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

OP here. Yes they really can be annoying.

I just think she can include everyone who is in her plans. For every holiday, she will only text my husband what she’s doing, like food shes preparing for us, what she’s bringing to our home. I just think she can easily group text in those situations since the plans don’t surround just her and my husband.

Thanks for your input

NP. Oh, OK...her texting habits aren't exactly what you think they should be and want them to be?

...OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the bathroom snooping would bother me but lord I’d be thrilled to be left off holiday text crap, especially if they’re are only 5 people. Your H should be looping you in. And how many leftover containers do you have every time she visits? Again, minor issue.

Are you looking for drama?

How does the amount of leftover containers matter ?

Because it seems like a nothing burger. But if OP has a bazillion leftover containers every time the ILs visit, that would also be strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the bathroom snooping would bother me but lord I’d be thrilled to be left off holiday text crap, especially if they’re are only 5 people. Your H should be looping you in. And how many leftover containers do you have every time she visits? Again, minor issue.

Are you looking for drama?

How does the amount of leftover containers matter ?

Because it seems like a nothing burger. But if OP has a bazillion leftover containers every time the ILs visit, that would also be strange.

Why is it strange? Right now in my fridge there are containers of leftover chicken, leftover macaroni and cheese, and leftover Chinese takeout. Is that strange? One day this weekend I cooked and the other we got takeout. We have leftovers from both.

I'd just ask MIL what she's looking for. One of my parents, I'd say, "What are you doing?" or "What are you rifling through my fridge looking for?"

I wouldn't really care about the text plans unless I was expected to contribute or if plans were being made that created an issue for me. Plans for dinner preparations, fine, unless you're saying I need to bring a side dish or you're getting a ham when you know I don't eat pork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean she always plans outings with other ILS with just my husband? Are you not invited?

So it’s always my husband and I, SIL, FIL. She never text us as a group. She only communicates with my husband. We do outings together. All 5 of us.

For example: with Christmas dinners, she makes the food and likes to plan everything. She texts my husband what she’s planning on doing. And the rest of us have no idea what’s going on. Another holiday she wanted us to go out of town. Instead of texting everyone, she decided only to text my husband about it. Asking him what he thinks.

Is your husband mute and has no means of communicating with you? If he gets a text that says:
"For Christmas dinner, I am planning on making ham and I want you to bring fruit salad, then we'll all go to midnight mass," he can include you in that text chain, or he can say, "OK, let me talk things through with Carole and then we'll confirm what we'd like to do/bring."

+1. If she is the hostess, why on earth do you care what she is making? You seem really overly invested in being mad at her.

My MIL communicates about 90% of the time with my husband. It is fine. It means I don’t have to manage plans with them. That said, my husband communicates with me. Like a few days ago, he said “mom was asking what our Easter plans are, will we go to their house.” I said “sure, I am assuming your mom will be ok with me inviting my dad like prior years, but I will call her to confirm before asking him.” So, now I owe her a phone call, but only because I want to confirm it is ok to include my dad (I’m 100% sure this is fine, but will still call her before I invite him). Many other holidays are just my husband calling her back to tell her we will be there, or we will host or whatever.

You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

I guess that the grass is always greener. My MIL only contacts me (not my husband/her son) about plans. It makes me feel like she thinks I have a lot more bandwidth/responsibility for kin keeping. I wish she would have a relationship with her son independent of me. It’s passive aggressive but I’ve started responding “Ann, you must have forgotten to include Joe on this message about who is hosting Christmas”

[Anonymous]

If the leftover bit bothers you so bad, clean out the fridge the day before she comes. Problem solved.