Dating someone religious when you’re not religious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several couples where before they got married, one person was mildly religious and the other was not religious, and then as soon as they got pregnant, the mildly religious one became super religious. I don't know why, but it was always the men who made this switch. Maybe this was part of how they understood their paternal duties. As for me, I'm not religious at all, and if I meet someone who's even slightly relgious, that's a dealbreaker for a romantic relationship.

This. It's really something you need to be on the same page about. I would not want one dime of our family money going to the Catholic church to cover up their child abuse issues, so we probably wouldn't have made it past the 3rd date after I spit that one out....

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I share a religion but one is religious, other not at all. We just respect each other’s right to follow or not follow religion. Our adult children even though given religious education as kids, aren’t religious either and my spouse respects that.

I think real problem starts when a person want other person to be as religious or as atheist as they are, if you two understand that belief is a personal matter then there is no conflict.

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. My parents were not overly religious and only attended Mass on holidays. I do not identify myself as Catholic anymore for a multitude of reasons. Personally, I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who is religious because it's too different from me. I also would not ever want my children being raised in a Church that allowed for the abuse and rape of children and women. That's a hard no for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very hesitant too. Especially Catholicism. But also non-denominational mega churches/evangelicals are a no. Mormons too.

All these organizations are run by corrupt men. It does not mean there are not some positives to being a part of organized religion. But the outrageous child abuse issues in the Catholic church give me pause. These people RUN the church! And they are responsible for a lot of hurt, all because of politics. That is not the type of person I want advising my husband on life choices.

I am a PP, obviously you never leave your kid alone with a priest. I wouldn't leave my kid alone with any man. I don't even feel comfortable with a nanny (of whatever gender). At least without nany cam, fully disclosed to the nanny of course.

Ok sure. But I am not getting LIFE ADVICE from my kid's soccer coach or 3rd grade teacher. Priests hold a tremendous amount of sway over some people. So people are willing to look away from the fact that they covered up and lied about horrific acts of sexual violence. For years. And years. And then they would ask these same men for forgiveness? Hell. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very hesitant too. Especially Catholicism. But also non-denominational mega churches/evangelicals are a no. Mormons too.

All these organizations are run by corrupt men. It does not mean there are not some positives to being a part of organized religion. But the outrageous child abuse issues in the Catholic church give me pause. These people RUN the church! And they are responsible for a lot of hurt, all because of politics. That is not the type of person I want advising my husband on life choices.

I am a PP, obviously you never leave your kid alone with a priest. I wouldn't leave my kid alone with any man. I don't even feel comfortable with a nanny (of whatever gender). At least without nany cam, fully disclosed to the nanny of course.

Ok sure. But I am not getting LIFE ADVICE from my kid's soccer coach or 3rd grade teacher. Priests hold a tremendous amount of sway over some people. So people are willing to look away from the fact that they covered up and lied about horrific acts of sexual violence. For years. And years. And then they would ask these same men for forgiveness? Hell. No.

It depends on how involved the kids are with the church. If you are only going on holidays you aren't really getting any major life advice. If they are going to Catholic school, yes that is what messed me up and actually made me an angry feminist LOL. It was so obvious that what they were teaching was sexist BS.

[Anonymous]

Please, do not listen to all the anti-religion, anti-Catholic posters. If you truly care about the guy, take him at his word that he wants a Catholic family. For the sake of his soul and his children’s—you can either agree to what he wants or leave him alone.

It is insane to think he doesn’t mean what he says or that you can change what he wants because there is no way he’s serious and it’s no big deal.

- a Catholic who is Catholic

[Anonymous]

I think this world needs more interracial and interfaith marriages.

[Anonymous]

What is the big deal about marrying a guy who will go to mass once a week? It's not like he can't go anywhere or watch TV sundown Friday to sundown Saturday the rest of his life, and not like he can't drink coffee or alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Going to church once in a while sure beats going to bars, strip clubs, casinos etc. so this is a plus. However, date long enough to understand his degree of religiosity.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound very serious about his Catholicism. Ask more questions and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school from kindergarten through high school. My parents were not overly religious and only attended Mass on holidays. I do not identify myself as Catholic anymore for a multitude of reasons. Personally, I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who is religious because it's too different from me. I also would not ever want my children being raised in a Church that allowed for the abuse and rape of children and women. That's a hard no for me.

You are right- no teacher, coach, or other religious leader has EVER been convicted of "abuse and rape of children", other than Catholics. (You must think it is also the Catholics who want to teach 4-8 year olds about sex/trans issues & advocate for puberty blockers/life changing surgery for 12 year olds- 6th graders!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s that wonderful and you want to marry him, you should convert. If you don’t want to convert, you should break up with him now. You can’t have it both ways, unfortunately.

I would not change who I am (by converting to another religion). Move on- look for someone more compatible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t go to mass then he’s not religious in any sort of way that should bother you. These lines he’s giving you are BS.

He doesn't go to mass now, but he wants his kids raised Catholic so best believe he and they will be attending Mass. He will likely want OP to attend as well.
He also says God plays an important role in his decision making such as maybe the number of kids to have? Things ,OP needs to find out because contray to what DCUMijes to say people tend to become more conservative not less with time especially if they already have a conservative background.

He may very well be a wonderful guy, but that doesn't mean this relationship is the best match for either of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this world needs more interracial and interfaith marriages.

I think everyone also needs to pay attention in world history class, western civilizations and eastern civilizations. No body knows anything factual or chronological any longer. All themes and feelings and modern personal ideologies acting as new religion instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the big deal about marrying a guy who will go to mass once a week? It's not like he can't go anywhere or watch TV sundown Friday to sundown Saturday the rest of his life, and not like he can't drink coffee or alcohol.

Once a week isn’t bad and this guy isn’t even doing that for lent or advent or ever.