Younger siblings are successful and hurt feeelings

[Anonymous]

You could have asked a question about how to help adult kids launch without ever mentioning the dynamic with “your” kids. The fact that you did, and the way you told your story, says so much about how you view/treat your stepkids. For starters, stop with the comparisons.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

Definitely not a bad stepmom. I welcome them in our house, respectful, and taught my kids to play nice all the time. My kids and I don’t fully understand their mental health because dh doesn’t share period. Not all stepmoms are evil.


You're passive aggressively seeking for people on here to tear down your DH, step kids, and your DH's ex-wife. If these mental health issues (as you call them) were so serious, maybe he shouldn't have remarried and made another family and focused on the first set of kids that clearly needed him?

So, again. This is none of your (or your kids') business.

This. You definitely are NOT a good stepmom. Your posts make it very clear that you have a lot of feelings about your stepchildren, and none are positive. I’m willing to bet that you and your DH, and his/your relationship with them vs with his second family, is the primary contributing factor to any of the stepkids’ mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

So you raised super judgy shrews???
Not sure how that counts as doing well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do your kids need to understand it?

Because OP is a fantastic mom, who invented an issue to post on dcum, cause she is an insecure narcissist that hasd to invent issues! Tearing people down is her profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an asshole for a step mom can do a number on you.

Right???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in you lane. They had to deal with their father and mother divorcing, your kids didn't. You husband needs to figure out things with their mother. You need to work on empathy. The mother has/had mental health issues and those kids may too. It may not be your perfect parenting that launched your kids. You may just have easier kids.

This. Plus I have a kid with mental health issues that is slow to launch. My other kids get that. How is it that your kids don’t understand this?

32 and 28 is too old to label 'slow to launch'

Op here,

Dh doesn’t talk about his kids mental health ever. It’s like he’s in denial and will not share with younger siblings. He seems ashamed of them and his ex wife.
My kids want to understand and they are empathetic to the situation, but we have no clues what is going with step kids.

And you don't need to know. You want to know. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do your kids need to understand it?

Because OP is a fantastic mom, who invented an issue to post on dcum, cause she is an insecure narcissist that hasd to invent issues! Tearing people down is her profession.

Pp, please get help for your anger issues. People with mental health are not special at all. They just need to get the correct help early on and stop blaming other people for their failures in life. OP, was basically explaining her family situation but of course since she is a stepmother, she cannot be trusted with her step children medical issues.

[Anonymous]

Your husband doesn't need to talk about his adult children's mental health struggles with his other adult children. It's none of their business. And they shouldn't need to know the details to have empathy and understanding. You need to stop comparing them, stop judging them, and stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an asshole for a step mom can do a number on you.

OP here,

Definitely not a bad stepmom. I welcome them in our house, respectful, and taught my kids to play nice all the time. My kids and I don’t fully understand their mental health because dh doesn’t share period. Not all stepmoms are evil.

And thought my kids to play nice? Why did they need to be thought to play nice, you kids?
Sounds like your DH knows you are evil, towards his kids from a previous marriage. Maybe you should let other people tell you, you are nice? I mean if it sounds like a duck, and it acts like a duck....it is a duck!

[Anonymous]

So your house was no their house?? Yep, yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do your kids need to understand it?

Because OP is a fantastic mom, who invented an issue to post on dcum, cause she is an insecure narcissist that hasd to invent issues! Tearing people down is her profession.

Pp, please get help for your anger issues. People with mental health are not special at all. They just need to get the correct help early on and stop blaming other people for their failures in life. OP, was basically explaining her family situation but of course since she is a stepmother, she cannot be trusted with her step children medical issues.

Yeah, no.
OP, you, are evil.

[Anonymous]

To sum up.
OP is a nice stepmom who "welcomed" her step kids to HER house.
OP is not told what is up with her step kids by her own DH, cause she is so nice.
Her kids just want to know why their step siblings are "losers," cause they are nice.
And step kids should be grateful that OP told her kids to play nice with their older siblings cause they were so nice.
I am about to throw up from so much niceness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as they are not asking to live with you (which I would not allow), I would stay out of it.

The only expense of theirs I might be willing to pay is health insurance. Pay it directly so you know it’s getting paid. If they have a health catastrophe, is your husband going to want to pay their bills if they are insured? Maybe. So it’s better to proactively pay their health insurance.

Otherwise, pay nothing.

Op here,

The oldest lived with us for two years straight ten years ago and the youngest maybe six months top. It was definitely weird having two adults living with us but not working or going to school. Both of them moved back with their mom and dh and I are definitely done raising our kids. Dh and I pay for Health insurance, car payments and hand money. Step kids are currently not working and their mom is on disability. We payed child support until they were 18 and 19 years old. Also paid for college but they didn’t finish as plan.

Sounds like you have a DH problem. Why don’t you ask your DH for details instead of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an asshole for a step mom can do a number on you.

OP here,

Definitely not a bad stepmom. I welcome them in our house, respectful, and taught my kids to play nice all the time. My kids and I don’t fully understand their mental health because dh doesn’t share period. Not all stepmoms are evil.

And thought my kids to play nice? Why did they need to be thought to play nice, you kids?
Sounds like your DH knows you are evil, towards his kids from a previous marriage. Maybe you should let other people tell you, you are nice? I mean if it sounds like a duck, and it acts like a duck....it is a duck!

OP here,

I read some of the comments and now I understand why step families cannot have discussion and resolve problems. The reason my children had to be taught to play nice with their siblings are because step kids were violent and mean towards my kids. I understand that it was mental issue ,they were going through, but no one has to write to slap my kids around, to pinch them, and threaten them in their own home. I was not mean to them, I basically told them, especially the eldest, if you're going to continue with this kind of behavior towards my kids, then you are not welcome to be around them. I explained this to my husband, he knows the issue that his oldest kids have, he refused to share, and I'm not just going to sit there and be directed as a evil stepmother, because the older siblings or being assholes. It was worse when my kids were younger, we managed to pass that, but I did not forget, even thought my kids forgave them and moved on.

I'm not comparing the step kids and my kids. I'm just stating the facts and sometimes the facts hurt and people need to get help for their mental issues, and stop blaming their families, step family second family for everything that's wrong in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an asshole for a step mom can do a number on you.

OP here,

Definitely not a bad stepmom. I welcome them in our house, respectful, and taught my kids to play nice all the time. My kids and I don’t fully understand their mental health because dh doesn’t share period. Not all stepmoms are evil.

And thought my kids to play nice? Why did they need to be thought to play nice, you kids?
Sounds like your DH knows you are evil, towards his kids from a previous marriage. Maybe you should let other people tell you, you are nice? I mean if it sounds like a duck, and it acts like a duck....it is a duck!

OP here,

I read some of the comments and now I understand why step families cannot have discussion and resolve problems. The reason my children had to be taught to play nice with their siblings are because step kids were violent and mean towards my kids. I understand that it was mental issue ,they were going through, but no one has to write to slap my kids around, to pinch them, and threaten them in their own home. I was not mean to them, I basically told them, especially the eldest, if you're going to continue with this kind of behavior towards my kids, then you are not welcome to be around them. I explained this to my husband, he knows the issue that his oldest kids have, he refused to share, and I'm not just going to sit there and be directed as a evil stepmother, because the older siblings or being assholes. It was worse when my kids were younger, we managed to pass that, but I did not forget, even thought my kids forgave them and moved on.

I'm not comparing the step kids and my kids. I'm just stating the facts and sometimes the facts hurt and people need to get help for their mental issues, and stop blaming their families, step family second family for everything that's wrong in their lives.

Your DH failed his first family and took the easy way out by starting over. He contributed to any mental heath issues they have and you sound like you conveniently buried your head in the sand. Lets hope your kids don’t face any struggles. DH will likely bail again. Mt FIL abandoned his first family. U’ve never been able to respect him for that.