So is it private school or wealthy families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again I read about someone in the news whose career I admire, and with internet sleuthing I discover they went to private school.

This was about Will Gaybrick, CPO at Stripe, studied math at Harvard and was a student of STA.

https://www.stalbansschool.org/news-detail?pk=1270016

I went to an Ivy too, also in a hard science, but my career is cr@p, mostly because of following my passion coming out of college in an idealistic way.

I run into alums who have great careers and I see they went to independent schools; but hard to differentiate from that longer rigorous schooling, network effects of independent schools, and family wealth/connection?

OP, I'd say that its not necessarily " wealth" of parents in terms of dollars, but that what is in play here is that all parents try to pass on their " life lessons" to the benefit of their offspring to pave the way for their " mini me" to take their life one step further in professional/ personal achievement . Now, perhaps an offspring won't be interested in that kind of help or perhaps their passion will lead them in a direction that a parent's connections cannot assist, but when career choice and parent connections align : presto- the outcome is often:

( just listing the kind of nepotism I have seen ):

* Parents are in the POUTS Cabinet or parent's BFF is in Cabinet- offspring is nominated for an under secretary of State position and is confirmed

* Parent is high up in DoS/ CIA- SIL gets tapped to run newly formed post- 9/11 Gov't agency

* High level DOJ Atty kid gets clerkship at SCOTUS

Its not the Private school that they went to, the kid was admitted to that Private because of the parents and then those parents continue to curate their offspring's career post- college

It's an aspect of inter-generational wealth. Now, again, a kid might be a dud or just want to be an artist ...

Living in close-in Arlington we have all types of those parents in our public school system. The Secretary of Education at the time had his kids at our public elementary school. The Obama girls used to baby sit them.

[Anonymous]

But the Obama girls went to Sitwell not public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But the Obama girls went to Sitwell not public school.

I accept that as it was for security reasons. But there are tons of no-name policy wonks and legislators who claim to be progressive yet send their kids to elite independent schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harvard, for example, as it’s average career salary 10 years out listed as being in the six figures. But that does not mean your child will have access to the jobs that yield that. Your normal Larla doesn’t have a job waiting for her at the family’s hedge fund when she graduates from Harvard like, at one point, most of Harvard students did.

No, but don't discount the friend groups they make. My husband grew up dirt poor and went to a prestigious private University with aid. His best friend since Freshmen year's family had connections and that is how he obtained his first job out of college... which then launched his independent career by his own hard work. But--in a very tight job market those connections certainly helped.

I was your DH, sadly I befriends another poor schlub and now we commiserate on if we had only known to do internships or to do X at graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harvard, for example, as it’s average career salary 10 years out listed as being in the six figures. But that does not mean your child will have access to the jobs that yield that. Your normal Larla doesn’t have a job waiting for her at the family’s hedge fund when she graduates from Harvard like, at one point, most of Harvard students did.

No, but don't discount the friend groups they make. My husband grew up dirt poor and went to a prestigious private University with aid. His best friend since Freshmen year's family had connections and that is how he obtained his first job out of college... which then launched his independent career by his own hard work. But--in a very tight job market those connections certainly helped.

Was your DH an athlete? How did he meet this friend, seems like they would be in different circles (at my private university the rich kids had cars and went to the city or skiing on weekends — I was working in the student dining hall)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming from affluence gives students confidence. Private schools are just more visible as symbols of affluence. But it's the affluence rather than the school that is the origin of the confidence propelling ambitious people through life rather that they went to a private school. There are affluent suburban public schools that do the same. Suburban New York and Chicago are filled with wealthy public districts that provide the same sense of confidence to their students because of the wealth.

Private schools themselves are no guarantees for a successful life. I went to a private school and have plenty of classmates who have floundered as well as plenty who are thriving.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

I’ve known many not-so-well off people who went to exclusive privates, and every single one of them suffered from feeling like outsiders and none of them ultimately were more than modest successes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Harvard, for example, as it’s average career salary 10 years out listed as being in the six figures. But that does not mean your child will have access to the jobs that yield that. Your normal Larla doesn’t have a job waiting for her at the family’s hedge fund when she graduates from Harvard like, at one point, most of Harvard students did.

No, but don't discount the friend groups they make. My husband grew up dirt poor and went to a prestigious private University with aid. His best friend since Freshmen year's family had connections and that is how he obtained his first job out of college... which then launched his independent career by his own hard work. But--in a very tight job market those connections certainly helped.

Was your DH an athlete? How did he meet this friend, seems like they would be in different circles (at my private university the rich kids had cars and went to the city or skiing on weekends — I was working in the student dining hall)

Not pp, but I went to a SLAC as professional's kid. My freshman roommate's father was a Fortune 500 ceo. We ended up being pretty close. At least back in the day, roommates were randomly assigned, so rich kids were mixed with everyone else. Of course my school was isolated enough that no-one left for weekends.

[Anonymous]

To OP’s original question, I don’t think it boils down to private vs public school at all. My husband and I went to Ivy League schools and are fine financially, but there’s a range in terms of how well off our friends appear to be. Frankly, it seems to boil down to those who pursued their interests/passions in more pure form (theater, literature/humanities), vs those who went into the more well-paying professions (medicine, law, etc.). Our friends who followed their passions into teaching, acting, etc. have made financial sacrifices. And then there are the financial/tech people (hedge fund people, the people who worked for Google in the early years) — they’re clearly way ahead of the rest of us financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

This is a good analysis. I agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known many not-so-well off people who went to exclusive privates, and every single one of them suffered from feeling like outsiders and none of them ultimately were more than modest successes.

I am one of those people. While I did well in college and have a successful career, it pales.in comparison to most of my fellow alums. It's the parents' money and education, not the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent wealth, but also just timing. All my big "breaks" have been fortunate timing, from graduating right before a recession to making career changes right before a big upheaval to buying a house at what turned out to be the low point of the market. I know people who stayed in school a year longer and missed those windows and have never recovered.

Ding ding ding - this is so true. I graduated in a recession, but moved to another area of US with record low unemployment. At the same time, there was a guy a couple years ahead of me who still had not found a professional gig. Smart, nice kid, but bad breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

Will attending private schools give a middle class kid the confidence and social skills that privileged kids often have? This is a big part of what I hope my child will get from attending private schools. I am foolish to expect this?

I've seen it working both ways. For a kid who has self esteem issues, the private school may just emphasize how far she is from the rest of the students, and it will make her life unbearable. Even in the nicest, kindest environment you can't avoid knowing where you classmates live, where they go for vacations, and so on. But for a middle class kid who has a certain level of confidence, the private school can provide additional polish and make her shine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

Will attending private schools give a middle class kid the confidence and social skills that privileged kids often have? This is a big part of what I hope my child will get from attending private schools. I am foolish to expect this?

If your kid can do really well academically ( top 10-15 % of the class ) at a school like STA, that should give them a good bit of confidence, but while DC is there your job is - not to social climb- but to pay close attention to the Internships the other kids are seeking out/ getting ( or their parents getting for them) because these parents know what they are doing. Their parents are likely in the early 50's and have spent the last 20-25 years rising to their current position in Washington and they intend for their kid to do better than they did- so watch and copy how they position their kid.

Its also good to ask some of these parents what they look for in the college grads their firm hires and what schools their firm hires from based on past ROI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

That could be private school, it could also be having the ability to take risks because losing a job wouldn't be catastrophic. Someone who needs a job is much more likely to keep their heads down and work hard than someone who don't actually need the job.

This. I saw this keeping head down work hard In my immigrant mothers and her immigrant colleagues