So is it private school or wealthy families?

[Anonymous]

Over and over again I read about someone in the news whose career I admire, and with internet sleuthing I discover they went to private school.

This was about Will Gaybrick, CPO at Stripe, studied math at Harvard and was a student of STA.

https://www.stalbansschool.org/news-detail?pk=1270016

I went to an Ivy too, also in a hard science, but my career is cr@p, mostly because of following my passion coming out of college in an idealistic way.

I run into alums who have great careers and I see they went to independent schools; but hard to differentiate from that longer rigorous schooling, network effects of independent schools, and family wealth/connection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again I read about someone in the news whose career I admire, and with internet sleuthing I discover they went to private school.

This was about Will Gaybrick, CPO at Stripe, studied math at Harvard and was a student of STA.

https://www.stalbansschool.org/news-detail?pk=1270016

I went to an Ivy too, also in a hard science, but my career is cr@p, mostly because of following my passion coming out of college in an idealistic way.

I run into alums who have great careers and I see they went to independent schools; but hard to differentiate from that longer rigorous schooling, network effects of independent schools, and family wealth/connection?

It's the two latter things.

[Anonymous]

I just don't think that's true universally.

I am wealthy and own my own business, public school all the way for me and my DH, who also has a high income, also from public schools.

Yes, private school kids do well too - but it's more of an individual thing and it's not that you can't be successful if you don't go private.

My kids are high school and college now and same discussion again - its easier to be successful if you go to an Ivy but most successful people don't or didn't (including again, me and my DH, who both attended a mediocre (per DCUM) college that hasn't held us back.

[Anonymous]

Ambition and intellect are different drivers. Sometimes both are in play. Sometimes just one. Nature or nurture isn’t all one way either. If you enjoy your work, and it pays the bills, you’re good. Hard not to look at others with the material rewards of a different path. Or, who were born into money. Personality, or buy in to family culture, is as big a force as raw ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't think that's true universally.

I am wealthy and own my own business, public school all the way for me and my DH, who also has a high income, also from public schools.

Yes, private school kids do well too - but it's more of an individual thing and it's not that you can't be successful if you don't go private.

My kids are high school and college now and same discussion again - its easier to be successful if you go to an Ivy but most successful people don't or didn't (including again, me and my DH, who both attended a mediocre (per DCUM) college that hasn't held us back.

Sure share your path, such as your parents wealth, what kind of public schools (rural Alabama vs Newton MA), and college.

But you also aren't a public figure like in OP, so why you are wealthy, you aren't probably at $B wealth, no offense. But are you setting up your kids for generational wealth, which is what I wish I could do so my kids will have an easier time than us.

[Anonymous]

I went to an Ivy out of public school and a suburban middle class family long ago. My classmates were a mix of public and private when I think back on it; most of my close friends were public, in fact.

Pretty much everyone did well professionally, not super wealthy but very comfortable as we get near retirement plans. But I don't know anyone who made their career off school connections. Everyone scattered and pursued their professions either back at home or in new cities.

If someone asked me why it's worth going to an Ivy, I would answer for intellectual challenge and growth. The rest of it is more cliche and hype than real.

[Anonymous]

Harvard, for example, as it’s average career salary 10 years out listed as being in the six figures. But that does not mean your child will have access to the jobs that yield that. Your normal Larla doesn’t have a job waiting for her at the family’s hedge fund when she graduates from Harvard like, at one point, most of Harvard students did.

[Anonymous]

There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

Excellent points. That's the kind of quiet privilege that most are unaware of, especially those who have it. You don't know what it's like to feel like an outsider if you have always been an insider. Fitting in just comes naturally then.

The question for choosing private school is whether it gives a poorer student that confidence or just makes them aware of their differences earlier. Tough call. I didn't go skiing or down to the Caribbean for spring break at my Ivy, but it never bothered me that others did. I wasn't interested in social climbing. That's why I think it's a poor reason to go to an Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Coming from affluence gives students confidence. Private schools are just more visible as symbols of affluence. But it's the affluence rather than the school that is the origin of the confidence propelling ambitious people through life rather that they went to a private school. There are affluent suburban public schools that do the same. Suburban New York and Chicago are filled with wealthy public districts that provide the same sense of confidence to their students because of the wealth.

Private schools themselves are no guarantees for a successful life. I went to a private school and have plenty of classmates who have floundered as well as plenty who are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming from affluence gives students confidence. Private schools are just more visible as symbols of affluence. But it's the affluence rather than the school that is the origin of the confidence propelling ambitious people through life rather that they went to a private school. There are affluent suburban public schools that do the same. Suburban New York and Chicago are filled with wealthy public districts that provide the same sense of confidence to their students because of the wealth.

Private schools themselves are no guarantees for a successful life. I went to a private school and have plenty of classmates who have floundered as well as plenty who are thriving.

+1 I went to a very mediocre public high school and while I was a student there I caught wind of stats like “students from high schools like (mine) are more likely to fail out of college and be less successful.” That certainly wasn’t giving me confidence!

[Anonymous]

Parent wealth, but also just timing. All my big "breaks" have been fortunate timing, from graduating right before a recession to making career changes right before a big upheaval to buying a house at what turned out to be the low point of the market. I know people who stayed in school a year longer and missed those windows and have never recovered.

[Anonymous]

Academic, career success and building generational wealth are three different ends that require three different sets of skills, with the former in no way guaranteeing the latter and vice versa. Personally I don’t think the teachers at my child’s private schools know a lot about any of the above, but I’m not terribly bothered, as these aren’t my goals for my children.

There are careers that offer the possibility of ending in building generational wealth such as private equity, venture, entrepreneurship, acting, writing, etc. So much of this is west coast-based. Very little in DC. I wouldn’t post on a DC forum to learn more about this

On my street in DC, every house has at least one Ivy degree up to 4. No one is wealthy, but every one lives quite pleasant lives. I imagine this is why many parents are stressed about their children doing academically well, because they know how academia opened the path to their current lives. However, my street is the tiniest bubble in a world where tons of people live amazing lives and have things people on my street do not — like generational wealth. By not going down the same path, maybe my kids give up living the life I led. Maybe they find one that’s better. Maybe their better life is grounded in something other than external success. Who knows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

That could be private school, it could also be having the ability to take risks because losing a job wouldn't be catastrophic. Someone who needs a job is much more likely to keep their heads down and work hard than someone who don't actually need the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is another factor. For a while I was very involved with new college graduates recruited at my work for an executive training program, and I went through this program myself. I guess our screening was pretty good - all the young adults were very bright, hard working, conscientious, etc.; we barely had any bad apples. And in the first few years they all performed equally well regardless of where they went to school. The differences started showing up about 3 years out. The ones who grew up privileged had an easier time talking to higher ups, making their points, shmoozing at happy hours and so on, and they ended up being promoted faster. I know that some people are able to absorb it simply by being around those who grew up privileged, but many can't.

That could be private school, it could also be having the ability to take risks because losing a job wouldn't be catastrophic. Someone who needs a job is much more likely to keep their heads down and work hard than someone who don't actually need the job.

+1 Plus, the wealthy can afford to take all of those unpaid internships and other important opportunities that require money up front. They don't have to work extra jobs to pay for rent, necessities, etc or make a choice between a prestigious unpaid or low paying work opportunity and supporting themselves.

Being set up by your parents when you are emerging into a career gets you many, many legs up. Not all will take these opportunities and make something of it, but many will.