I agree with positive and mindful parenting but..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

You don't understand how a kid could open a car door while the car is moving (when the PP said the child locks were apparently not working) but your kid had enough access to stand on a counter and get a knife? You might want to dial back the sanctimony a little there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

You don't understand how a kid could open a car door while the car is moving (when the PP said the child locks were apparently not working) but your kid had enough access to stand on a counter and get a knife? You might want to dial back the sanctimony a little there.

There's this trend on DCUM and elsewhere to label anyone a sanctimommy for not admitting they engage in horrible behavior. As I said numerous times, I have a lot to work on as a parent. I'm not blaming the other poster for her car doors, I'm saying I truly don't understand how that happens because my kids can't reach the door handles in either of our cars. I have an equivalent example- this was something really dangerous that happened on my watch, this is how I handled it. If you feel so attacked by someone saying they don't ~yell at their kids~ that you have to call them names, maybe take a step back and think about why this is so triggering for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I firmly believe that if you practice positive parenting 99.5% of the time, and yell just that once for a safety reason, it will have a real impact.

Yelling is a tool. Use it sparingly and wisely, or else it will lose its impact and be counterproductive & damaging, but don't be afraid to use it when it's really needed. Trust me, the kid won't be scarred by getting yelled at once or twice. But he will notice, because he knows this is not your normal. He'll remember that opening a car door while in motion earned a more drastic reaction.

---parent of tween/teen kids, who always tried not to yell, but definitely lost it once or twice during the terrible threes.

This is it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

I am the PP you are responding to but not the PP whose kid opened a door. If you truly don't understand how a child can reach a door handle adn

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

You don't understand how a kid could open a car door while the car is moving (when the PP said the child locks were apparently not working) but your kid had enough access to stand on a counter and get a knife? You might want to dial back the sanctimony a little there.

There's this trend on DCUM and elsewhere to label anyone a sanctimommy for not admitting they engage in horrible behavior. As I said numerous times, I have a lot to work on as a parent. I'm not blaming the other poster for her car doors, I'm saying I truly don't understand how that happens because my kids can't reach the door handles in either of our cars. I have an equivalent example- this was something really dangerous that happened on my watch, this is how I handled it. If you feel so attacked by someone saying they don't ~yell at their kids~ that you have to call them names, maybe take a step back and think about why this is so triggering for you.

I am the PP you are responding to but not the PP whose kid opened a door. My kid is six months and does not know how to open a car door either but I am able to envision that an older kid would be able to. . There is a basic human trait called empathy that you should try to teach your kids if you can- it allows you to sympathize with and see the points of views of other people even if you have never experience the same things that you have.

To the bolded- I am neither triggered nor do I feel attacked nor was I calling you names, so let's get the freshman debate team terms out of here. I was labelling your behavior as sanctimonious which is not the same as calling you a name. I was not labelling your discussion about not yelling as sanctimonious. Perhaps you do not understand physics and actually cannot understand how a child could grow big enough to reach a car door from inside. If that is the case then I apologize for calling your behavior sanctimonious. My experience with people who make broad assertions about how they could never understand how something could happen are not being truthful but rather judgmental in some way of the behavior they claim not to understand. Perhaps that is not the case with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

I am the PP you are responding to but not the PP whose kid opened a door. If you truly don't understand how a child can reach a door handle adn

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

You don't understand how a kid could open a car door while the car is moving (when the PP said the child locks were apparently not working) but your kid had enough access to stand on a counter and get a knife? You might want to dial back the sanctimony a little there.

There's this trend on DCUM and elsewhere to label anyone a sanctimommy for not admitting they engage in horrible behavior. As I said numerous times, I have a lot to work on as a parent. I'm not blaming the other poster for her car doors, I'm saying I truly don't understand how that happens because my kids can't reach the door handles in either of our cars. I have an equivalent example- this was something really dangerous that happened on my watch, this is how I handled it. If you feel so attacked by someone saying they don't ~yell at their kids~ that you have to call them names, maybe take a step back and think about why this is so triggering for you.

I am the PP you are responding to but not the PP whose kid opened a door. My kid is six months and does not know how to open a car door either but I am able to envision that an older kid would be able to. . There is a basic human trait called empathy that you should try to teach your kids if you can- it allows you to sympathize with and see the points of views of other people even if you have never experience the same things that you have.

To the bolded- I am neither triggered nor do I feel attacked nor was I calling you names, so let's get the freshman debate team terms out of here. I was labelling your behavior as sanctimonious which is not the same as calling you a name. I was not labelling your discussion about not yelling as sanctimonious. Perhaps you do not understand physics and actually cannot understand how a child could grow big enough to reach a car door from inside. If that is the case then I apologize for calling your behavior sanctimonious. My experience with people who make broad assertions about how they could never understand how something could happen are not being truthful but rather judgmental in some way of the behavior they claim not to understand. Perhaps that is not the case with you.

Thank you so, so much for the lesson on empathy. I have empathy for you, for example. Please in the future try to take your own advice and give people the benefit of the doubt, rather than seeing sanctimony where there is none. If you see sanctimony when people simply share their experiences it might be worth asking why that is. Have a great weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a yeller, but have yelled at my kid twice in her life (she's 9 now). Both times involved her running into the road. I don't think parents that yell are *bad* per se, but it does lose its impact if you yell a lot. The examples the OP gave are mixed for me. Opening the door on the GW parkway does merit yelling. It's a safety issue that has to be addressed immediately. A toddler dumping sand on someone else doesn't merit yelling IMO. It does need correcting, but not via yelling.

Except in the door example, how is that a kid's fault? We expect a three year old to just inherently know not to open a car door while we're driving, but have they ever been explicitly told that before? The child lock wasn't working, that's not the kid's fault. Their brains aren't capable of rationality. Yelling at them for stuff they don't understand isn't just cruel it's pointless.

How does fault come into it? If you rarely yell and then when you REALLY need your kid to listen ASAP because of a safety issue, yelling will get their attention. Something like, SHUT THE DOOR, or, GET BACK, or, STOP. You can and should have a calm conversation later and explain why you yelled, but in this instance yelling is a matter of safety. - Mom who has yelled at her kid twice in their life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I firmly believe that if you practice positive parenting 99.5% of the time, and yell just that once for a safety reason, it will have a real impact.

Yelling is a tool. Use it sparingly and wisely, or else it will lose its impact and be counterproductive & damaging, but don't be afraid to use it when it's really needed. Trust me, the kid won't be scarred by getting yelled at once or twice. But he will notice, because he knows this is not your normal. He'll remember that opening a car door while in motion earned a more drastic reaction.

---parent of tween/teen kids, who always tried not to yell, but definitely lost it once or twice during the terrible threes.

This is it

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I yell at my kids, they deserve it. Whether it's because they are being jerks, or taking part in dangerous activities, I've been unsuccessful in figuring out any other way to get it to stop.

It's possible I'm just a shitty parent, but I choose to believe that parents that for real don't yell at their kids don't spend much time with their kids.

I can honestly say I have never yelled at my kid even once. But here’s the catch… I only have one. And there’s another parent, so I can walk away whenever I need to. I think if I had more than one, or if I were the only parent, I’d be yelling for sure.

I don’t think you’re a shitty parent, I think parenting multiple kids is just really really hard.

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers ie I spend a lot of time with my kids. I have never yelled. But I have a lot of other bad traits as a parent. I just take issue with the idea that all parents yell.

So if one of your toddlers opened the car door while driving you would do what? Just calmly say “Larlo, we don’t open car doors while mommy is driving.”?

My kids are not able to open car doors while I'm driving. I don't even understand how that happens. The most dangerous situation I can remember is my 18 month old climbed onto the counter and got a knife. How would yelling in this situation have helped? So my kid has a knife and then panics because his mom is screaming at him? If you were doing something really scary and dangerous and your spouse yelled at you would that have helped you?

Honestly when I'm really mad I get really quiet. Then my kids know mom is REALLY mad.

If they know you are REALLY mad, wouldn't that also cause anxiety and spike their cortisol levels?

[Anonymous]

How dense are some of you parents?! It’s not about the damn car door!!! It’s about losing your temper and responding out of fear.

It’s happened to all of us, OP. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How dense are some of you parents?! It’s not about the damn car door!!! It’s about losing your temper and responding out of fear.

It’s happened to all of us, OP. Hugs.

+1.