Wife Has Gained Weight - How To Approach Her About It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

This sounds like disordered eating to me. I would focus on the mental health piece of this because the food control/lack of control yo-yoing may be a symptom of a larger issue. I’m sure going through this is miserable for her and you are right to be concerned.

OP here. It’s been 6 months. I think that type of stuff is more longterm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

This sounds like disordered eating to me. I would focus on the mental health piece of this because the food control/lack of control yo-yoing may be a symptom of a larger issue. I’m sure going through this is miserable for her and you are right to be concerned.

OP here. It’s been 6 months. I think that type of stuff is more longterm

np my MIL developed disordered eating habits later in life and it did end up being long term.

[Anonymous]

🐷

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

OP here. I have not said anything about her weight or late night eating. Our relationship had remained normal - still very attracted to her and we still have sex. We still show affection through cuddling and kissing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

Who cares? You wouldn’t care if OP was a woman and his wife was a man. You wouldn’t care about his feelings or how OPs thought would make her husband feel. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the binging - how much food does she eat during the day? Restricting calories too much during the day (or, when busy with kids and life, forgetting to eat) and not getting enough protein, fat, complex carbs, and veggies/fruit can lead to binging later at night when the kids are in bed and you realize you’re starving.

I have to make sure I eat enough during the day so that I don’t go nuts at night when I finally get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

Who cares? You wouldn’t care if OP was a woman and his wife was a man. You wouldn’t care about his feelings or how OPs thought would make her husband feel. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman.

I think that everyone deserves to wear clothing that fits their bodies no matter what their gender.

I also don’t buy it whenever people say that their spouse agrees with them on something even though their behavior says otherwise. With women it isn’t usually their husband’s weight, but it could be.

[Anonymous]

Don’t approach her anymore than you’d want to be approached.

[Anonymous]

This will obviously not work for everyone, but intermittent fasting, specifically giving up dinner, tends to work really well (mentally) for night binges. I have no idea the appropriate way to suggest this to her, but if she were to have a hard stop of eating at 3 or 4PM, that tends to help with mindless night binging. Since it's all calories in, calories out, this makes it easier to eat healthier when your mind is fresh, and then just rely on abstinence when it's harder to control urges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar issue with my pregnant wife. I brought it up at her doctors appointment and that seemed to help her.

lol help her with what?

PP here. I’m aware that pregnant women gain weight. My wife is a healthy eater but decided pregnancy was going to be a vacation and she was going to eat whatever she wanted. It became unhealthy and I worried about the nutrition the baby was getting. I talked to the doctor before we went to the appointment and the doctor brought it up and told her how important healthy eating was during pregnancy. That changed it and she went back to healthy eating with a small treat everyday.

I’m not a jerk but she was baking a whole tray of cookies and eating half of them everyday. She was eating loads of ice cream, cookies, and making brownies or cakes every week. All of the healthy went out the window and she started eating a bunch of processed food with loads of sodium and sugar. Think fast food breakfast, boxed stuff for lunches, fast food for dinner, etc. She had gained 30lbs by 6 months and her doctor told her that was too much weight to gain. She ended gaining 40lbs total.

Spare us the song and dance. You weren’t worried about the baby, you were worried she wouldn’t get back to her pre-pregnancy weight. Asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding the binging - how much food does she eat during the day? Restricting calories too much during the day (or, when busy with kids and life, forgetting to eat) and not getting enough protein, fat, complex carbs, and veggies/fruit can lead to binging later at night when the kids are in bed and you realize you’re starving.

I have to make sure I eat enough during the day so that I don’t go nuts at night when I finally get a break.

OP here. She eats the normal amount as always. I would say maybe 1800 calories a day, sometimes 2000 on hard workout days. We don’t really count calories. We eat protein, carbs, and fiber at every meal - 3 meals a day + 1-2 snacks. We focus on healthy things like eggs and avocado or oatmeal and nuts for breakfast, salads with vegetables and protein for lunch, protein, vegetables, and a healthy carb at dinner. Snacks are geek yogurt with berries and granola, cracker and cheese, veggies or crackers with hummus and guacamole, nuts, a protein bar, etc. I cook almost all of our foods. We both work from home and I prepare breakfast and dinner for us while she usually grabs her own lunch. She has always eaten the same.

This past week she had gone through two pints of ice cream, a bag of m&ms, a bag of Hershey’s miniatures, about 6 big cookies, and two bags of popcorn. She drinks 1-2 cans of pop every night with the late night snack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

Wow - so much pent up hate and vitriol toward the OP (who is male) in this thread. Some of you must truly hate your husbands- or is it all men you hate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

Wow - so much pent up hate and vitriol toward the OP (who is male) in this thread. Some of you must truly hate your husbands- or is it all men you hate?

It’s all men they hate. They need men to have kids and support them but then hate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight are we talking about?

OP here. The most she has gained is 40lbs but she will gain 5 or 10lbs, lose the weight with a diet, and then gains 20lbs. It’s a constant cycle the last six months.

Maybe she is just more comfortable at a higher weight.
Can you just tell her to get some clothes that fit her now, drop the dieting, and just focus on living her life? Tell her that you don’t mind the 20 lbs, but you miss her being the fun, active person that she was when she wasn’t obsessed with her weight and dieting.

OP here. She isn’t. She is the one that brings up how much weight she gained and gets mad and goes on a diet. Then she is god for a little while and starts slipping and gains the weight back.

Oh. I’m sure that has nothing to do with your implicit judgement of her.

Wow - so much pent up hate and vitriol toward the OP (who is male) in this thread. Some of you must truly hate your husbands- or is it all men you hate?

I said that it’s ridiculous for the OP to say that he doesn’t care about his wife’s weight when that is literally the subject of this thread. It’s just an astonishing lack of insight.

How did you get that I hate my husband or men in general?