What does your husband or wife reserve for just you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think I’m just bummed that my DH doesn’t desire to only share certain things with me or do things with just me. Makes me feel like I’m not that important.

I think you are missing a sense of connection with your spouse, but are hung up on the exclusivity part of it. It’s the “just for me” part that is coming off as strange, needy, or immature. It is normal to want to feel loved, appreciated and cherished. It is normal to want a connection with the your spouse. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? I think it would help if your spouse understood better what you need to feel loved - it seems like that is your disconnect.

Drop the “just for me” part and work on being able to articulate what you want in a way he can meet your expectation.
Do you want more words of affirmation from him - to you? Or publicly like those gushy Faveboook posts some people write to their spouse?
Do you want him to pay attention to what you like and give you personal, meaningful gifts?
Do you want him to notice what is important to you and do thoughtful things without being asked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think I’m just bummed that my DH doesn’t desire to only share certain things with me or do things with just me. Makes me feel like I’m not that important.

I this this a you problem, not your husband. You should try to understand why you need him to share things with just you.

Not OP but i disagree. I think OP doesn't want husband to share so much of their life and specific details (finances, remodeling) with family. And i can completely understand that. My parents are great but every opinionated and i did not share with much them when we were buying a house or how much. Not surprisingly they hated the house when we bought it and only got over it after several years. I would not and DH does not share with family how much we have in retirement or oir plans for that ad i have no desire to entertain discussions on that point. I enjoy sharing completed decisions and projects but not always works in progress as that derails me and DH from whatever goals. I bet OPs DH doesnt have other small talk or subjects to engage woth and he overshares and OP is bothered by that. I would reframe this to him instead of you wanting to be the center. Uou want some of your nuclear family's decisions and processes to be just for you all and not open to scrutiny, comment and suggestion for a while. He may get it. Or he may bristle and then you have an incompatible communication style and need to figure out how to move on with that.
I actially know seceral women who call their mothers 3 tomes a day and discuss every detail of their lives. Its a thing but it doesn't bother everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of thing are you seeking?

OP here. I just want things to be reserved for the two of us. It could be watching a certain TV show, going out once a month for ice cream just the two of us, an activity, talking about certain private or intimate things, anything. We don’t share anything with us two. Everything we do or discuss is also discussed with family, our oldest child, etc. I just don’t feel special.

To become special, make him feel special.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever suggested doing something “just you” though, or are you expecting him to feel the lack the way you do?

Our children are young so all of our adult time is “just us” right now but I assume we will continue to try to read books together, have at least one podcast in common, go see movies together in post-pandemic land, because we enjoy shared experiences. I wouldn’t actively exclude our children but I kind of assume they’ll find it more interesting to be with their friends at some point…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of thing are you seeking?

OP here. I just want things to be reserved for the two of us. It could be watching a certain TV show, going out once a month for ice cream just the two of us, an activity, talking about certain private or intimate things, anything. We don’t share anything with us two. Everything we do or discuss is also discussed with family, our oldest child, etc. I just don’t feel special.

This sounds like a "you" problem.

[Anonymous]

My husband saves Ozark for me #blessed

[Anonymous]

Farts, mostly.

[Anonymous]

We watch TV together before bed, we have inside jokes about most of the people we know including our kids, and we take walks together when the weather is nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think I’m just bummed that my DH doesn’t desire to only share certain things with me or do things with just me. Makes me feel like I’m not that important.

I think you are missing a sense of connection with your spouse, but are hung up on the exclusivity part of it. It’s the “just for me” part that is coming off as strange, needy, or immature. It is normal to want to feel loved, appreciated and cherished. It is normal to want a connection with the your spouse. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? I think it would help if your spouse understood better what you need to feel loved - it seems like that is your disconnect.

Drop the “just for me” part and work on being able to articulate what you want in a way he can meet your expectation.
Do you want more words of affirmation from him - to you? Or publicly like those gushy Faveboook posts some people write to their spouse?
Do you want him to pay attention to what you like and give you personal, meaningful gifts?
Do you want him to notice what is important to you and do thoughtful things without being asked?

OP here. This really hits the nail on the head. I do struggle with expressing my feelings, and you’ve really captured it. I am definitely missing a connection. I do not feel appreciated or cherished. We’ve talked love languages several times, but he just won’t accept my love languages. I am going to use this to better formulate what I’m asking. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think I’m just bummed that my DH doesn’t desire to only share certain things with me or do things with just me. Makes me feel like I’m not that important.

I think you are missing a sense of connection with your spouse, but are hung up on the exclusivity part of it. It’s the “just for me” part that is coming off as strange, needy, or immature. It is normal to want to feel loved, appreciated and cherished. It is normal to want a connection with the your spouse. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? I think it would help if your spouse understood better what you need to feel loved - it seems like that is your disconnect.

Drop the “just for me” part and work on being able to articulate what you want in a way he can meet your expectation.
Do you want more words of affirmation from him - to you? Or publicly like those gushy Faveboook posts some people write to their spouse?
Do you want him to pay attention to what you like and give you personal, meaningful gifts?
Do you want him to notice what is important to you and do thoughtful things without being asked?

I totally agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Health discussions. I'm the only one who truly knows about his health issues.

Comments about our teens. Honest discussions can happen because we are always going to love them and can objectively see the good and bad.

Financial discussions and goals.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, other forms of affection outside of intercourse.

I love this! I think one of my biggest issues is we don’t have any private discussions. For example, we’ll be upgrading our home soon and he shares all of the details with his parents and our oldest child. Like, it’s not a secret per se but I don’t feel like they need to know when we’re qualifying and all of the small details.

Why would you keep this information from your own child? Are you serious? Also, seems as though you don't like him being close with his family. If that's the case - tough. It's HIS family. Any spouse who dislikes a person for being close with their family has issues. He's known them his ENTIRE LIFE. How many years has he known you?

I think you missed the point. I originally posted the financial goals comment. My husband is close to his family. Very close. But our financial goals are our own. We don't share that information. I'm happy he is close to his family, but some discussions are not for the wider family to be part of.

You can try to pivot the discussion so it makes you feel better. But, you stated you didn't like him telling your kid about house renovations? Really? That is a red flag about you.

[Anonymous]

the answers on here are funny but like are y’all serious lol

[Anonymous]

Used to be sex. But now it’s just snarky comments about each others’ parents.

[Anonymous]

His fists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His fists.

Oof. It's not ok and not your fault, pp.