3 going on 74

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You child frankly sounds rather rude and it would be very useful to teach her to be kind to others

did you think this was a kind comment?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be surprised by an eventual high functioning ASD diagnosis at some point. She sounds a lot like my older child has was diagnosed around age 8. The rudeness/bluntness is a sign, as well as the aloofness, and the social issues of course. My DD on the spectrum had/has all of those characteristics. Solo play, not engaging with others, meltdowns if she is interrupted in what she is doing, indifference to what peers are doing with a focus on self. She also has a high IQ, spoke and read early, is musical, and big into fantasy/imaginative play (my take is they construct characters and stories to fit the way they want interaction, since they can’t get what they want or need from peers). She can be intense, and dismissive.

It’s of course possible your DD is an old soul and just a little odd but it’s wise of you to be attuned you possibilities that something else is at play. She sounds interesting and intellectual and very unique! All good things!

[Anonymous]

I realize there's been COVID, but has she been involved in any outside of school activities yet? Sports, dance, music classes? How does she act there?

My now teen dd loved to play, but got very tense and irritated around other peers--turns out it was anxiety. A lot of us pushing her into activities and therapy and she still has anxiety, but manages it quite well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised by an eventual high functioning ASD diagnosis at some point. She sounds a lot like my older child has was diagnosed around age 8. The rudeness/bluntness is a sign, as well as the aloofness, and the social issues of course. My DD on the spectrum had/has all of those characteristics. Solo play, not engaging with others, meltdowns if she is interrupted in what she is doing, indifference to what peers are doing with a focus on self. She also has a high IQ, spoke and read early, is musical, and big into fantasy/imaginative play (my take is they construct characters and stories to fit the way they want interaction, since they can’t get what they want or need from peers). She can be intense, and dismissive.

It’s of course possible your DD is an old soul and just a little odd but it’s wise of you to be attuned you possibilities that something else is at play. She sounds interesting and intellectual and very unique! All good things!

How is your DD doing now? Is she happy with the friends she has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised by an eventual high functioning ASD diagnosis at some point. She sounds a lot like my older child has was diagnosed around age 8. The rudeness/bluntness is a sign, as well as the aloofness, and the social issues of course. My DD on the spectrum had/has all of those characteristics. Solo play, not engaging with others, meltdowns if she is interrupted in what she is doing, indifference to what peers are doing with a focus on self. She also has a high IQ, spoke and read early, is musical, and big into fantasy/imaginative play (my take is they construct characters and stories to fit the way they want interaction, since they can’t get what they want or need from peers). She can be intense, and dismissive.

It’s of course possible your DD is an old soul and just a little odd but it’s wise of you to be attuned you possibilities that something else is at play. She sounds interesting and intellectual and very unique! All good things!

How is your DD doing now? Is she happy with the friends she has?

She is actually in college now (she’s my stepdaughter; I have younger kids which is why I’m on this board) so I can give a way far away view for you! She does have friends, but she’s always had just a few friends. She’s not somebody who has kept friends very easily, unless they are other kids who are kind of quirky. These days a lot of kids are quirky, so she has luckily been able to find her people in whatever situation she has been in. Growing up she definitely continued not to have an interest in sports or most other activities, favoring solo time when she wasn’t in school. We pushed her to be more social, and she chose a couple activities she stuck with through middle school and high school that kept her around peers, but she still favored reading, doing fiction writing and blogging, playing piano, doing lots of online gaming. Very solo, individual activities. She is perfectly happy sitting in her room on her computer all day and night. Academically, school and college have always been easy for her; that makes life a little easier in some regards I suppose. She’s not terribly driven, and in some ways is immature when it comes to responsibilities. She’s just too focused on herself and what she wants to do in the moment. Socially, there’s definitely some awkwardness there. She interrupts when others are talking, has difficulty carrying a conversation not focused on herself (eg, asking questions of others), can still come off as blunt, rude, dismissive, and aloof. If she’s bored by what you’re saying she tunes out (but I guess all young people do this at some point). She’s not bothered by what others say or do or think, and that’s both good and bad in a lot of ways. Generally, she is happy, creative, funny, and smart. All of the core characteristics you want in a child are present. Maybe not everything you would want or expect for a young adult, but we are getting there. Hopefully. It’s been both easy and hard to parent her, and I definitely worry the most about the social aspects of things, so whether or not your daughter winds up with a diagnosis, if you are seeing resistance to socializing at her age, I would just work to continue her exposure so she gets used to being around others, and depending on the situation activity, may actually come to enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised by an eventual high functioning ASD diagnosis at some point. She sounds a lot like my older child has was diagnosed around age 8. The rudeness/bluntness is a sign, as well as the aloofness, and the social issues of course. My DD on the spectrum had/has all of those characteristics. Solo play, not engaging with others, meltdowns if she is interrupted in what she is doing, indifference to what peers are doing with a focus on self. She also has a high IQ, spoke and read early, is musical, and big into fantasy/imaginative play (my take is they construct characters and stories to fit the way they want interaction, since they can’t get what they want or need from peers). She can be intense, and dismissive.

It’s of course possible your DD is an old soul and just a little odd but it’s wise of you to be attuned you possibilities that something else is at play. She sounds interesting and intellectual and very unique! All good things!

How is your DD doing now? Is she happy with the friends she has?

She is actually in college now (she’s my stepdaughter; I have younger kids which is why I’m on this board) so I can give a way far away view for you! She does have friends, but she’s always had just a few friends. She’s not somebody who has kept friends very easily, unless they are other kids who are kind of quirky. These days a lot of kids are quirky, so she has luckily been able to find her people in whatever situation she has been in. Growing up she definitely continued not to have an interest in sports or most other activities, favoring solo time when she wasn’t in school. We pushed her to be more social, and she chose a couple activities she stuck with through middle school and high school that kept her around peers, but she still favored reading, doing fiction writing and blogging, playing piano, doing lots of online gaming. Very solo, individual activities. She is perfectly happy sitting in her room on her computer all day and night. Academically, school and college have always been easy for her; that makes life a little easier in some regards I suppose. She’s not terribly driven, and in some ways is immature when it comes to responsibilities. She’s just too focused on herself and what she wants to do in the moment. Socially, there’s definitely some awkwardness there. She interrupts when others are talking, has difficulty carrying a conversation not focused on herself (eg, asking questions of others), can still come off as blunt, rude, dismissive, and aloof. If she’s bored by what you’re saying she tunes out (but I guess all young people do this at some point). She’s not bothered by what others say or do or think, and that’s both good and bad in a lot of ways. Generally, she is happy, creative, funny, and smart. All of the core characteristics you want in a child are present. Maybe not everything you would want or expect for a young adult, but we are getting there. Hopefully. It’s been both easy and hard to parent her, and I definitely worry the most about the social aspects of things, so whether or not your daughter winds up with a diagnosis, if you are seeing resistance to socializing at her age, I would just work to continue her exposure so she gets used to being around others, and depending on the situation activity, may actually come to enjoy it.

Thanks for responding! I should have clarified I’m not the OP, actually a PP whose child had a preference for adults when she was younger but now is very very social (more than me!) she does struggle with being overly blunt. I was mostly surprised to see you list talking and reading early as possible signs of ASD since that is not something I had heard before. Just interesting, I love my kid the way she is but want to make sure I’m supporting her as much as we can!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised by an eventual high functioning ASD diagnosis at some point. She sounds a lot like my older child has was diagnosed around age 8. The rudeness/bluntness is a sign, as well as the aloofness, and the social issues of course. My DD on the spectrum had/has all of those characteristics. Solo play, not engaging with others, meltdowns if she is interrupted in what she is doing, indifference to what peers are doing with a focus on self. She also has a high IQ, spoke and read early, is musical, and big into fantasy/imaginative play (my take is they construct characters and stories to fit the way they want interaction, since they can’t get what they want or need from peers). She can be intense, and dismissive.

It’s of course possible your DD is an old soul and just a little odd but it’s wise of you to be attuned you possibilities that something else is at play. She sounds interesting and intellectual and very unique! All good things!

How is your DD doing now? Is she happy with the friends she has?

She is actually in college now (she’s my stepdaughter; I have younger kids which is why I’m on this board) so I can give a way far away view for you! She does have friends, but she’s always had just a few friends. She’s not somebody who has kept friends very easily, unless they are other kids who are kind of quirky. These days a lot of kids are quirky, so she has luckily been able to find her people in whatever situation she has been in. Growing up she definitely continued not to have an interest in sports or most other activities, favoring solo time when she wasn’t in school. We pushed her to be more social, and she chose a couple activities she stuck with through middle school and high school that kept her around peers, but she still favored reading, doing fiction writing and blogging, playing piano, doing lots of online gaming. Very solo, individual activities. She is perfectly happy sitting in her room on her computer all day and night. Academically, school and college have always been easy for her; that makes life a little easier in some regards I suppose. She’s not terribly driven, and in some ways is immature when it comes to responsibilities. She’s just too focused on herself and what she wants to do in the moment. Socially, there’s definitely some awkwardness there. She interrupts when others are talking, has difficulty carrying a conversation not focused on herself (eg, asking questions of others), can still come off as blunt, rude, dismissive, and aloof. If she’s bored by what you’re saying she tunes out (but I guess all young people do this at some point). She’s not bothered by what others say or do or think, and that’s both good and bad in a lot of ways. Generally, she is happy, creative, funny, and smart. All of the core characteristics you want in a child are present. Maybe not everything you would want or expect for a young adult, but we are getting there. Hopefully. It’s been both easy and hard to parent her, and I definitely worry the most about the social aspects of things, so whether or not your daughter winds up with a diagnosis, if you are seeing resistance to socializing at her age, I would just work to continue her exposure so she gets used to being around others, and depending on the situation activity, may actually come to enjoy it.

Thanks for responding! I should have clarified I’m not the OP, actually a PP whose child had a preference for adults when she was younger but now is very very social (more than me!) she does struggle with being overly blunt. I was mostly surprised to see you list talking and reading early as possible signs of ASD since that is not something I had heard before. Just interesting, I love my kid the way she is but want to make sure I’m supporting her as much as we can!

Gotcha. Yeah, I think some kids with ASD do have average or even sometimes delayed reading/phonics levels. I believe that comprehension may lag at times. But some children on the spectrum have hyperlexia (basically, early reading) and there are different levels of it, from just early literacy to early literacy and obsession with numbers and letters and memorizing huge swaths of information (savant-like abilities). Our DD was doxed with Aspergers (I don’t think they use the term now), and FWIW, knew letters by 1.5, always was grades ahead in writing/English (took AP English in 9th grade), and majors in English in college. I also remember going on a cruise when she was 5 or 6 and she had memorized all 9 floors of the ship from studying the map and knew where everything was by memory within 24 hours. Meanwhile, I kept getting lost trying to find our state room the entire time. The brain is a wild thing! I digress, but These kids are so unique, and it can be equal parts fascinating and frustrating to support them and also urge them on. You and the OP have a long way to go, but I can only imagine in 10 or 15 years time how much more we will know about how best to raise and encourage kids who are neurotypical!

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say that I sympathize with you, OP! My son is similar to your daughter and in first grade, his teacher now somewhat mockingly calls him “the professor”. So far, his teachers and doctor think he’s quirky rather than having asd so for now, we are just trying to love him for who he is while working on social skills. This means play dates with “boring” kids who don’t share his interests (which are chess, science, world war 2 and other esoteric things) and practicing kindness.

As he gets older, he’s started complaining about being lonely and I know he wants to connect more with his peers but can’t quite figure out how. I agree with the other poster who said that as the other kids’ social skill become more complex, kids like mine prefer the company of adults because adults are more tolerant of their social oddities. It can be lonely though. Adults love to tell him how smart he is, but that makes the social issues worse (he has plenty of self esteem), so we spend lots of time talking about kindness and connecting with other people even if we are different from them.

I’m not sure that this helps, but I am sending good thoughts your way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize there's been COVID, but has she been involved in any outside of school activities yet? Sports, dance, music classes? How does she act there?

My now teen dd loved to play, but got very tense and irritated around other peers--turns out it was anxiety. A lot of us pushing her into activities and therapy and she still has anxiety, but manages it quite well.

We put her in gymnastics around 2 pre-COVID and she refused to participate in any part of gymnastics so we pulled her. She did a weekly playgroup from infancy with my mom and seemed to enjoy that but I don’t think she engaged with the other kids, that ended with COVID too.

We plan on putting her in dance or gymnastics or some sort of sport. She is not a physical kid at all which is another point of concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to say that I sympathize with you, OP! My son is similar to your daughter and in first grade, his teacher now somewhat mockingly calls him “the professor”. So far, his teachers and doctor think he’s quirky rather than having asd so for now, we are just trying to love him for who he is while working on social skills. This means play dates with “boring” kids who don’t share his interests (which are chess, science, world war 2 and other esoteric things) and practicing kindness.

As he gets older, he’s started complaining about being lonely and I know he wants to connect more with his peers but can’t quite figure out how. I agree with the other poster who said that as the other kids’ social skill become more complex, kids like mine prefer the company of adults because adults are more tolerant of their social oddities. It can be lonely though. Adults love to tell him how smart he is, but that makes the social issues worse (he has plenty of self esteem), so we spend lots of time talking about kindness and connecting with other people even if we are different from them.

I’m not sure that this helps, but I am sending good thoughts your way!

I know she’s still so young so I don’t know what the future holds but she really is just so different from other kids I get concerned. In some ways, it’s great. I love her little old lady personality, special interests and seriousness.

I do get concerned at how she’ll navigate life as she gets older. Neither DH or I are social butterflies and our son tends to get overstimulated with too much friend time but he’s always been able to make and keep friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to say that I sympathize with you, OP! My son is similar to your daughter and in first grade, his teacher now somewhat mockingly calls him “the professor”. So far, his teachers and doctor think he’s quirky rather than having asd so for now, we are just trying to love him for who he is while working on social skills. This means play dates with “boring” kids who don’t share his interests (which are chess, science, world war 2 and other esoteric things) and practicing kindness.

As he gets older, he’s started complaining about being lonely and I know he wants to connect more with his peers but can’t quite figure out how. I agree with the other poster who said that as the other kids’ social skill become more complex, kids like mine prefer the company of adults because adults are more tolerant of their social oddities. It can be lonely though. Adults love to tell him how smart he is, but that makes the social issues worse (he has plenty of self esteem), so we spend lots of time talking about kindness and connecting with other people even if we are different from them.

I’m not sure that this helps, but I am sending good thoughts your way!

I know she’s still so young so I don’t know what the future holds but she really is just so different from other kids I get concerned. In some ways, it’s great. I love her little old lady personality, special interests and seriousness.

I do get concerned at how she’ll navigate life as she gets older. Neither DH or I are social butterflies and our son tends to get overstimulated with too much friend time but he’s always been able to make and keep friends.

I will trade you my 4 year old. He theatrically dried his hands on my shirt over my baby bump, laughed at me and ran away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You child frankly sounds rather rude and it would be very useful to teach her to be kind to others

did you think this was a kind comment?

Sounds totally normal to me OP + I have 7 siblings + 28 nies/nephes + 54 great nies/nephews. This adult poster is the rude one. My sister is like your dd.. Was always like that.

[Anonymous]

^ignore typos please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she play with the calico critters? Does she make up storylines or dialogue?

She’s great at imaginative play. So, they all have storylines and characters. Often they’ll mimic our family or stories she’s recently read, but she has one family she plays with she’s made up all on her own.

I wonder if a theater camp would interest her over the summer (not necessarily this one, but some time)? Bright, verbal and imaginative---it seems like it might be a good fit. There's so much structure to the interactions with other kids (what to say and do). Perhaps that might simplify socializing, and help her engage more with her peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she play with the calico critters? Does she make up storylines or dialogue?

She’s great at imaginative play. So, they all have storylines and characters. Often they’ll mimic our family or stories she’s recently read, but she has one family she plays with she’s made up all on her own.

I wonder if a theater camp would interest her over the summer (not necessarily this one, but some time)? Bright, verbal and imaginative---it seems like it might be a good fit. There's so much structure to the interactions with other kids (what to say and do). Perhaps that might simplify socializing, and help her engage more with her peers.

That’s a good idea.

We do also want her involved in something fairly physical as well.