3 going on 74

[Anonymous]

Autism

[Anonymous]

What did your ped suggest in terms of follow-up? You are doing what you should be in terms of loving and appreciating your daughter for who she is, but you also want to make sure that if she will need support to function in our world that she gets that help. What's cute at 3 can be really challenging at 10 when you have a child who is very rigid in their interests, has trouble making friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

How does she play with the calico critters? Does she make up storylines or dialogue?

[Anonymous]

My son kind of had this - incredibly smart (I say that not in a bragging way) but no skills in connecting with kids his own age. He wanted to only talk to adults because they indulged him, older kids who academics wise he could keep up with had no interest in him bc he had the social skills of a 3yo (he was in a 3-5 classroom) and he had no interest in 3yo because he couldn't figure out how to relate to them.

His teachers pretty much had to force him to learn that skill. Anytime he tried to chat up a teacher, they'd say he need to go talk to a friend for 5min first or invite a friend to play. He struggled with it because he hated being rejected by them for being a little bit of a nerdy weirdo, but learned to socially be normal for his age which has served him well. Nothing was "wrong" with him per say, he just had to learn how to socially interact with peers versus just trying to hang with people who would indulge his endless random space and dinasaur facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son kind of had this - incredibly smart (I say that not in a bragging way) but no skills in connecting with kids his own age. He wanted to only talk to adults because they indulged him, older kids who academics wise he could keep up with had no interest in him bc he had the social skills of a 3yo (he was in a 3-5 classroom) and he had no interest in 3yo because he couldn't figure out how to relate to them.

His teachers pretty much had to force him to learn that skill. Anytime he tried to chat up a teacher, they'd say he need to go talk to a friend for 5min first or invite a friend to play. He struggled with it because he hated being rejected by them for being a little bit of a nerdy weirdo, but learned to socially be normal for his age which has served him well. Nothing was "wrong" with him per say, he just had to learn how to socially interact with peers versus just trying to hang with people who would indulge his endless random space and dinasaur facts

I think this is a really good point. Often we think little kids who are better with adults=too social advanced for kids their age, but it's actually that adults are much more forgiving of kids with poor social skills than their peers are.

[Anonymous]

Old soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son kind of had this - incredibly smart (I say that not in a bragging way) but no skills in connecting with kids his own age. He wanted to only talk to adults because they indulged him, older kids who academics wise he could keep up with had no interest in him bc he had the social skills of a 3yo (he was in a 3-5 classroom) and he had no interest in 3yo because he couldn't figure out how to relate to them.

His teachers pretty much had to force him to learn that skill. Anytime he tried to chat up a teacher, they'd say he need to go talk to a friend for 5min first or invite a friend to play. He struggled with it because he hated being rejected by them for being a little bit of a nerdy weirdo, but learned to socially be normal for his age which has served him well. Nothing was "wrong" with him per say, he just had to learn how to socially interact with peers versus just trying to hang with people who would indulge his endless random space and dinasaur facts

I think this is a really good point. Often we think little kids who are better with adults=too social advanced for kids their age, but it's actually that adults are much more forgiving of kids with poor social skills than their peers are.

PP here - yeah that was such a good learning for us through all this. He also had behavior problems because he'd get so frustrated that he couldn't hang out with the 5 year olds who he viewed as his peers (b/c intelligence wise he could do what they were doing and talk to them about things they were interested in) but social skills wise he was a 3 year old and an immature one at that. B/c he could be so charming with adults (clever, interesting questions, pick up on phrasing of things etc) we viewed him as so advance and were blind to the fact that he had a real weakness in peer social skills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son kind of had this - incredibly smart (I say that not in a bragging way) but no skills in connecting with kids his own age. He wanted to only talk to adults because they indulged him, older kids who academics wise he could keep up with had no interest in him bc he had the social skills of a 3yo (he was in a 3-5 classroom) and he had no interest in 3yo because he couldn't figure out how to relate to them.

His teachers pretty much had to force him to learn that skill. Anytime he tried to chat up a teacher, they'd say he need to go talk to a friend for 5min first or invite a friend to play. He struggled with it because he hated being rejected by them for being a little bit of a nerdy weirdo, but learned to socially be normal for his age which has served him well. Nothing was "wrong" with him per say, he just had to learn how to socially interact with peers versus just trying to hang with people who would indulge his endless random space and dinasaur facts

All good points. Kids flock to adults who will give them attention. Easier to deal with an adult than navigate an interaction with another kid. Don’t think it’s an old soul thing, more like an “I want the undivided attention of an adult” thing. But I don’t know OP’s kid.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with those who say autism. Lack of social skills with peers is a symptom of autism but it's not autism itself. If she is able to communicate normally to adults and shows normal emotional range and ability to interpret social signals from adults, she's likely not autistic. She does sound like an old soul to me - or at least one that hasn't had the opportunity to learn to interact with other kids. I think you need to give her more opportunities to socialize with kids with similar-ish interests and see what happens. I wouldn't force her to do anything, just give her more opportunities and see if anything clicks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with those who say autism. Lack of social skills with peers is a symptom of autism but it's not autism itself. If she is able to communicate normally to adults and shows normal emotional range and ability to interpret social signals from adults, she's likely not autistic. She does sound like an old soul to me - or at least one that hasn't had the opportunity to learn to interact with other kids. I think you need to give her more opportunities to socialize with kids with similar-ish interests and see what happens. I wouldn't force her to do anything, just give her more opportunities and see if anything clicks.

I don’t think anyone here should be saying anything diagnostic at all. But I’ll just point out that you don’t need a diagnosis to get some extra help if your child is behind on something or struggling with something. Since this child has two siblings who are not babies I wonder a little bit of this will resolve with out some extra help, whether that’s some sessions with a therapist or something more formal. Idk I just know that’s things can take a while to look into so I’d start now, you can pause or stop the process if things are going better later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with those who say autism. Lack of social skills with peers is a symptom of autism but it's not autism itself. If she is able to communicate normally to adults and shows normal emotional range and ability to interpret social signals from adults, she's likely not autistic. She does sound like an old soul to me - or at least one that hasn't had the opportunity to learn to interact with other kids. I think you need to give her more opportunities to socialize with kids with similar-ish interests and see what happens. I wouldn't force her to do anything, just give her more opportunities and see if anything clicks.

I don’t think anyone here should be saying anything diagnostic at all. But I’ll just point out that you don’t need a diagnosis to get some extra help if your child is behind on something or struggling with something. Since this child has two siblings who are not babies I wonder a little bit of this will resolve with out some extra help, whether that’s some sessions with a therapist or something more formal. Idk I just know that’s things can take a while to look into so I’d start now, you can pause or stop the process if things are going better later

I don't think anyone is trying to diagnose. When I read these types of responses, I assume the poster is noting these things so that the OP can bring them up again at the Dr's office. One person noted high functioning autism, and that is harder to peg down than if the child were low functioning, especially with girls. So even though OP has discussed autism with her Dr, it feels like a friendly, "hey, maybe you should ask about x" type of comment to me.

I realize that I'm choosing to read these comments that way, as some are super vague, but I think it's alot more helpful this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does she play with the calico critters? Does she make up storylines or dialogue?

She’s great at imaginative play. So, they all have storylines and characters. Often they’ll mimic our family or stories she’s recently read, but she has one family she plays with she’s made up all on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You child frankly sounds rather rude and it would be very useful to teach her to be kind to others

Yes, that’s something we are working on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did your ped suggest in terms of follow-up? You are doing what you should be in terms of loving and appreciating your daughter for who she is, but you also want to make sure that if she will need support to function in our world that she gets that help. What's cute at 3 can be really challenging at 10 when you have a child who is very rigid in their interests, has trouble making friends, etc.

Pediatrician has what and see approach. She doesn’t show enough signs of autism to push attempt at diagnosis now.

As far as social skills we are debating play therapy if things don’t improve by end of school year. We thought school would help, but it really has not. We do love our school and aren’t interested in switching, but entertained putting her in a more group oriented sport or program like dance or gymnastics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son kind of had this - incredibly smart (I say that not in a bragging way) but no skills in connecting with kids his own age. He wanted to only talk to adults because they indulged him, older kids who academics wise he could keep up with had no interest in him bc he had the social skills of a 3yo (he was in a 3-5 classroom) and he had no interest in 3yo because he couldn't figure out how to relate to them.

His teachers pretty much had to force him to learn that skill. Anytime he tried to chat up a teacher, they'd say he need to go talk to a friend for 5min first or invite a friend to play. He struggled with it because he hated being rejected by them for being a little bit of a nerdy weirdo, but learned to socially be normal for his age which has served him well. Nothing was "wrong" with him per say, he just had to learn how to socially interact with peers versus just trying to hang with people who would indulge his endless random space and dinasaur facts

I think this is a really good point. Often we think little kids who are better with adults=too social advanced for kids their age, but it's actually that adults are much more forgiving of kids with poor social skills than their peers are.

This is true. I do think her teachers tend to indulge. We do as well.

Our son is in second grade and tends to call her out more often, so they butt heads but she is also obsessed with him and always desperate for his validation.