3 going on 74

[Anonymous]

DD is almost 4, but you’d think she was a very petite elderly person if you ever met her.

She’s never behaved as a typical child. She has never shown any interest in children her own age, but enjoys having conversations with adults. She likes her morning hot tea and to “read” the newspaper. She always asks my mother to read her the front page of the New York Times every morning, and has since she was 2. She’s a very politically aware preschooler. She loves spending time with herself, “sewing” and listening to audiobooks or classical music. Despite the fact we’ve taken her to several playgrounds, she never plays. She always sits on the bench and complains it’s too cold, too hot, too windy or that there are “too many children.”

She does have interests that are typical for her age. She loves her Calico Critters dollhouse and will entertain herself for hours. She loves to color. She also has an affinity for two classic nursery rhyme albums, dress-up and typical fairy tales.

We always attributed her personality to the fact my mother (in her late 70s) has been her childcare provider since she was an infant. They have a lot of similar interest and even share the same Old Jewish Brooklyn Lady accent despite the fact we currently live in the Midwest (although DH & I both lived in DC pre-kids).

It was all cute and endearing but we put DD in preschool in September and her anti-social behavior hasn’t improved. She will outright state she doesn’t like children, although she admits she is also a child. She makes no attempts to befriend them and seems annoyed by her peers. She can act out and have meltdowns if her play is interrupted. She likes to maintain her own space and does not engage with classroom activities. She attends a Waldorf preschool where students are not forced to be involved in any activity, but usually encouraged. She will always take the solo option. She has two teachers who say she’s just very peculiar but incredibly bright. She’s always had high vocabulary for her age, she started speaking in full sentences before her first birthday. She’s able to communicate with adults very well, often in the way you’d expect a much older child to speak. But she has no social skills with her peers, and I don’t know if it’s because she can’t or because she doesn’t want to.

We’ve brought up with concerns to pediatrician and entertained the idea of her being on the ASD but that doesn’t feel well either.

My mother is a bit witchy and mystical and strongly believes she is reincarnated. I am a very pragmatic person, but sometimes it certainly feels like that could be true.

She’s really just such an interesting person. I have a 6&2-year-old as well and they’re so different from her. I love everything about her. I find her so fascinating. Sometimes I think she could move out of the house now. She seems to only need us for physical help. To make a meal or read something complex. Sometimes I wonder if she’ll be ready to move out by 7-years-old, once she’s a stronger reader and can open a jar or jelly. I feel like she’d be totally self sufficient.

I do really worry about her socially. I hope she grows out of it, but she seems completely happy having nothing to do with anyone her own age.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like high IQ to me. Let her do her own thing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my DH as a child. Raised by very old fashioned great grandparents and grandparents and was very very formal and adult.

If you want to prioritize intelligence / prestige / curiosity / self reliance etc above other factors, keep her in Waldorf. If you want to socialize her better, I would say put her in a different more casual setting, like a friendly church preschool. I chose this for my son. You could do camps or other activities of course, but the routine of regular interaction with the same kids and teachers really helped my toddler bloom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my DH as a child. Raised by very old fashioned great grandparents and grandparents and was very very formal and adult.

If you want to prioritize intelligence / prestige / curiosity / self reliance etc above other factors, keep her in Waldorf. If you want to socialize her better, I would say put her in a different more casual setting, like a friendly church preschool. I chose this for my son. You could do camps or other activities of course, but the routine of regular interaction with the same kids and teachers really helped my toddler bloom.

Put her in an interest-based setting with a mixed age group. She will probably socialize just fine with older kids with a common interest.

[Anonymous]

DS, 3, didn’t care for the kids in preschool (he actually said “I really like my teachers but just don’t care for the kids”). He used to fantasize and tell stories that all the kids fell and had to go to the hospital so he was alone with the teachers. Slowly, since September, it’s gotten better. I don’t know that he likes the other kids but seems to talk to them and engage with them a bit.

[Anonymous]

You child frankly sounds rather rude and it would be very useful to teach her to be kind to others

[Anonymous]

Sounds like autism. Get an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. I think OP is testing some excerpt from her new book.

Have another child or put your kid in daycare. Done.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I was thinking high functioning autism. Social issues may become more profoundly uncomfortable when kindergarten begins. Being part of the the classroom community can be very challenge for a child that has her personality/behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. I think OP is testing some excerpt from her new book.

Have another child or put your kid in daycare. Done.

She said she has two other children.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t sound at all autistic to me! An old soul, maybe.

And the fact that she has an older sibling also means she might think her peers are dull. She’ll be fine in kindergarten. And ready for an apartment at 8.

[Anonymous]

My son (5) is a bit like this and has been referred to as an old soul by teachers. His attitude though does turn kids off and I worry for him. I’m trying to find him a tribe of similar interest kids to facilitate this. Martial arts has been a good fit. I think you may be romanticizing it a bit and while introverts should be respected, anti social behavior needs to be worked on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is almost 4, but you’d think she was a very petite elderly person if you ever met her.

She’s never behaved as a typical child. She has never shown any interest in children her own age, but enjoys having conversations with adults. She likes her morning hot tea and to “read” the newspaper. She always asks my mother to read her the front page of the New York Times every morning, and has since she was 2. She’s a very politically aware preschooler. She loves spending time with herself, “sewing” and listening to audiobooks or classical music. Despite the fact we’ve taken her to several playgrounds, she never plays. She always sits on the bench and complains it’s too cold, too hot, too windy or that there are “too many children.”

She does have interests that are typical for her age. She loves her Calico Critters dollhouse and will entertain herself for hours. She loves to color. She also has an affinity for two classic nursery rhyme albums, dress-up and typical fairy tales.

We always attributed her personality to the fact my mother (in her late 70s) has been her childcare provider since she was an infant. They have a lot of similar interest and even share the same Old Jewish Brooklyn Lady accent despite the fact we currently live in the Midwest (although DH & I both lived in DC pre-kids).

It was all cute and endearing but we put DD in preschool in September and her anti-social behavior hasn’t improved. She will outright state she doesn’t like children, although she admits she is also a child. She makes no attempts to befriend them and seems annoyed by her peers. She can act out and have meltdowns if her play is interrupted. She likes to maintain her own space and does not engage with classroom activities. She attends a Waldorf preschool where students are not forced to be involved in any activity, but usually encouraged. She will always take the solo option. She has two teachers who say she’s just very peculiar but incredibly bright. She’s always had high vocabulary for her age, she started speaking in full sentences before her first birthday. She’s able to communicate with adults very well, often in the way you’d expect a much older child to speak. But she has no social skills with her peers, and I don’t know if it’s because she can’t or because she doesn’t want to.

We’ve brought up with concerns to pediatrician and entertained the idea of her being on the ASD but that doesn’t feel well either.

My mother is a bit witchy and mystical and strongly believes she is reincarnated. I am a very pragmatic person, but sometimes it certainly feels like that could be true.

She’s really just such an interesting person. I have a 6&2-year-old as well and they’re so different from her. I love everything about her. I find her so fascinating. Sometimes I think she could move out of the house now. She seems to only need us for physical help. To make a meal or read something complex. Sometimes I wonder if she’ll be ready to move out by 7-years-old, once she’s a stronger reader and can open a jar or jelly. I feel like she’d be totally self sufficient.

I do really worry about her socially. I hope she grows out of it, but she seems completely happy having nothing to do with anyone her own age.

Huh at first I thought this sounded like my oldest who really preferred adults around this age, partly because she was very advanced linguistically and academically. Now in elementary school she loves to play with kids her age although she’s still very into reading and some other older person stuff. But she always engaged in parallel play and seemed to enjoy being around other children so this sounds pretty extreme. I think you might want to schedule something with a developmental pediatrician to see what they think. Refusing to play with other kids at all is fairly unusual for a middle kid. It’s great you are noticing now so if there’s some sort of help that might benefit her you can get it started before elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like autism. Get an evaluation.

+1

[Anonymous]

My nephew has always been like this. Takes after my brother. Hates going to the playground. Shuns other children. Is devastated at the thought of having to go to a summer camp. My brother, after trying many many camps, finally found a camp that my nephew likes. Zoo camp. And he met two other like-minded kids there! So, he did find his tribe. When I recently visited, he was having a ball with his zoo camp friends, they were playing Roblox online and interacting like normal kids having fun. He’s about to turn 10. So, hopefully she will find her people.