So sick of my child’s picky eating

[Anonymous]

We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

And worldwide today, are their kids just as picky as American kids? If not, what are they doing differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

I was a picky eater, my mom would include things she knew I liked or do things like separate out something before adding spicy seasonings. The only time I remember food being a battle was when we ate at someone else's house, then she expected me to eat it to be polite. I can remember a long stand off about lima beans when we were visiting my aunt & uncle.

Mom was also a picky eater as a child in the 40s, so I'm sure that's why she was generally supportive of my food issues. She said she got the lectures about "starving children in Africa" and once (only once) told her mom she could send her plate to them. She got a spanking for that. So, yeah, are you willing to hit your kid to make them eat? She also has never had an appetite in the a.m. Her mom tried to force her to eat before going to school (at threat of a spanking) but that made her throw up so her mom gave in on that battle.

I do think the wide availability of very easy to consume snack foods today makes it easier for kids who are sensitive to new tastes to hold out for the easier food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya. I feel like all I cook for my 4 yo are pasta and cucumber slices.

Lol, I could have written this. The silver lining is that cucumbers are surprisingly nutritious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult picky eater, please know your son doesn't WANT to be this way. I'm sure he wishes he liked more, that he didn't worry when going to restaurants, or to people's homes, etc.

I was just somehow born like this, and although I eat more than the four things I ate at age 2 (yogurt, grilled cheese, pb&j, and I forget the other), I am still distinctly picky. Wish I weren't, but I truly hate a lot of foods.

Unless your son is a brilliant psychopath, he's NOT doing this to drive you crazy.

This is exactly my experience with my very picky 10yo. Child has been picky since the first time she was fed solid food! I will never forget the look of disgust on her face at 6 months. A decade later she remains a very selective eater. She tries really hard, she is great at tasting food (this improved with age), she just doesn’t like most (almost all) of what she tries. Our other kid is a wide-ranging eater.

We found the Ellen Slater book helpful and it alleviated a lot of stress at dinner time. We offer her foods we know she likes and do the best we can to get a nutritional balance in. We do not tie dessert to how much she eats. We do not even praise her for trying food or eating a lot when that happens. We make clear we accept her for who she is and we know she is trying her best. She also eats a lot of (healthy) snacks through the day which has helped with her weight gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

I was a picky eater, my mom would include things she knew I liked or do things like separate out something before adding spicy seasonings. The only time I remember food being a battle was when we ate at someone else's house, then she expected me to eat it to be polite. I can remember a long stand off about lima beans when we were visiting my aunt & uncle.

Mom was also a picky eater as a child in the 40s, so I'm sure that's why she was generally supportive of my food issues. She said she got the lectures about "starving children in Africa" and once (only once) told her mom she could send her plate to them. She got a spanking for that. So, yeah, are you willing to hit your kid to make them eat? She also has never had an appetite in the a.m. Her mom tried to force her to eat before going to school (at threat of a spanking) but that made her throw up so her mom gave in on that battle.

I do think the wide availability of very easy to consume snack foods today makes it easier for kids who are sensitive to new tastes to hold out for the easier food.

I did this too as a child in the 80s. I thought it would be a win-win: I could send all the broccoli I hated to children who really wanted it! My parents did not see it like that and punished me, even though my intentions were good.

I still hate broccoli.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry he will eat. Seriously. When he’s hungry enough he will eat.

That doesn't solve anything though. My 10 year is more than willing to skip dinner knowing that preferred foods will be available for breakfast and lunch. She's fine with just those two meals.

My husband said when he was a kid if he refused dinner, they would serve it for breakfast. And if he refused it for breakfast, he would get it for lunch.
Not saying you should do this, but what would happen if breakfast also wasn't a preferred food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

They often forced kids to finish their food which led to disordered eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

And worldwide today, are their kids just as picky as American kids? If not, what are they doing differently?

No, they are not as picky. I think in the majority of places the kids just either eat what they're given or not. No accomodations, no discussions, nothing separate. That has been my observation of friends, family, colleagues throughout most of Asia, Middle East, Europe. Of course there are exceptions (there are always exceptions) but it seems far more prevalent here.

Anecdote, not data, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry he will eat. Seriously. When he’s hungry enough he will eat.

That doesn't solve anything though. My 10 year is more than willing to skip dinner knowing that preferred foods will be available for breakfast and lunch. She's fine with just those two meals.

My husband said when he was a kid if he refused dinner, they would serve it for breakfast. And if he refused it for breakfast, he would get it for lunch.
Not saying you should do this, but what would happen if breakfast also wasn't a preferred food?

My kid would drink a glass of milk and go off to school with nothing else. It is a total waste of energy to get into a food battle with a strong willed child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

And worldwide today, are their kids just as picky as American kids? If not, what are they doing differently?

As a preschool teacher of 15 years whose kids bring in lunches, based only on my own experiences--I noticed that my Asian students generally ate very hearty, well-balanced meals, and weren't fussy. They rarely had packaged snack meals (ie gogurt, applesauce, those freezer PBJs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

They often forced kids to finish their food which led to disordered eating.

Sometimes. Sometimes they just left them alone. My MIL and my grandmother (same generation, different continent and different languages) each basically said that for you dinner your choices are: what I'm cooking or a big heaping plate of nothing. No forcing of whatever in either family. I did have friends who were forced to eat all of their fill-in-the-blank before they could watch tv/have dessert/whatever. Most of them still can't or won't eat whatever it was they were forced to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

And worldwide today, are their kids just as picky as American kids? If not, what are they doing differently?

As a preschool teacher of 15 years whose kids bring in lunches, based only on my own experiences--I noticed that my Asian students generally ate very hearty, well-balanced meals, and weren't fussy. They rarely had packaged snack meals (ie gogurt, applesauce, those freezer PBJs).

Funny, I just had a conversation with my 21 yr old DS last week, who told me he bought both of these for his apartment because I would never buy them "like other moms". I'm not Asian, but not American either. He said he enjoyed eating them out of nostalgia but wasn't going to do it again. No sugar added applesauce is a bit different, but a whole apple is better for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

I was a picky eater, my mom would include things she knew I liked or do things like separate out something before adding spicy seasonings. The only time I remember food being a battle was when we ate at someone else's house, then she expected me to eat it to be polite. I can remember a long stand off about lima beans when we were visiting my aunt & uncle.

Mom was also a picky eater as a child in the 40s, so I'm sure that's why she was generally supportive of my food issues. She said she got the lectures about "starving children in Africa" and once (only once) told her mom she could send her plate to them. She got a spanking for that. So, yeah, are you willing to hit your kid to make them eat? She also has never had an appetite in the a.m. Her mom tried to force her to eat before going to school (at threat of a spanking) but that made her throw up so her mom gave in on that battle.

I do think the wide availability of very easy to consume snack foods today makes it easier for kids who are sensitive to new tastes to hold out for the easier food.

I did this too as a child in the 80s. I thought it would be a win-win: I could send all the broccoli I hated to children who really wanted it! My parents did not see it like that and punished me, even though my intentions were good.

I still hate broccoli.

I’m sorry but that is such a cute story. Such a innocent and childlike way of thinking and seeing the world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re previous generations this kick about food? What did they do differently and were there methods successful?

And worldwide today, are their kids just as picky as American kids? If not, what are they doing differently?

As a preschool teacher of 15 years whose kids bring in lunches, based only on my own experiences--I noticed that my Asian students generally ate very hearty, well-balanced meals, and weren't fussy. They rarely had packaged snack meals (ie gogurt, applesauce, those freezer PBJs).

My SIL is Chinese (married to my white brother) and her Chinese parents live with them and do all the cooking, all very healthy with little in packaged snack foods. Their two children (4 & 6) are still going through a long picky phase and it's driving SIL crazy!