So sick of my child’s picky eating

[Anonymous]

I spend hours each week planning, shopping, cooking, and preparing 90% of our family’s meals and my six year old is driving me up the wall. He refuses, unless coerced (“three bites of all new foods” “clean plate club or no screens after dinner” etc), to try any new foods. We spent years playing it cool, putting it on his plate and telling him he didn’t have to try it if he didn’t want to, etc and it did absolutely nothing. Everything he tastes he says he doesn’t like, and 50% of the time he gags when he is coerced into trying it. He will not try basic things—even sweet things, like cake or toast with jam or a different flavor of muffin! Foods he does like are rejected if they are cut in a different shape. He will not eat ANY convenience foods—yogurt, pizza, mac n cheese, quesadillas, chicken nuggets, nothing. I am just so frustrated by the unwillingness to TRY and the immediate rejection of everything after tasting it, without even thinking of whether or not it could potentially taste good.
I’m not very sure if I’m looking for advice, I just need to rant. Most resources for picky eating are for toddlers, and playing little games or cutting things into fun shapes is not going to convince a six year old.

[Anonymous]

SAME! So frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Don't spend as much energy on it. Feed the kid healthy but not onerous to prepare items - ie veggies cut up with hummus, cheese on bread, roasted or baked chicken, potatoes and rice with a protein or veggie on the plate.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op, that sounds incredibly frustrating. You probably already know about this so forgive me for
mentioning it but kids eat in color has a better bites program that is supposed to go up til age 10. I don’t think you get much for true picky eating like your experiencing on her Instagram but I’ve heard good things about her actual program and her kids are older - like 6 and 8 so just seems more promising. But also, just mostly want to say that sounds so so frustrating and you sound like a great mom

[Anonymous]

If he’s hungry he will eat. Seriously. When he’s hungry enough he will eat.

[Anonymous]

OK, I almost posted this exact same topic today. It’s beyond frustrating. My kid is an athlete so I try to explain why they need nutrients for their growing body, etc. It still doesn’t help. I have to believe it’s something to do with control, anxiety, something in that realm. My other child eats almost anything. Deep and raised in the same environment with the same meals The child ate more things in their first two years and now they have a handful of things that they eat. They complain about being bored with eating the same thing over and over but aren’t willing to try anything new. We’ve even paid them to try new foods!

[Anonymous]

At that age my kid didn’t like many things including pizza, now as a teen she is still somewhat picky but is much broader, can cook many foods they like, goes to restaurants, and eats many of the foods they used to not like. Also has discovered an allergy which didn’t show up until middle school. Maybe that affected their tastes early on.

[Anonymous]

I totally sympathize. It is a long road and all those articles that say, just cut it in fun shapes! have them cook with you! grow a garden! are all useless with the truly food rejecting child.

That was my DS. For years and years and years. We early on did the "try a bite" "no thank you bite" etc. but it just made meal times a misery so finally DH and I agreed to stick fully to the Satter Division of Responsibility approach. That is, I serve a variety of foods, always include something I know he'll eat, and we shut up about it. Snacks limited to one after school, no grazing. We don't talk about who is eating what at the meal, the only food talk is to compliment the cook. It's hard. It is not in any way a quick fix but he did start eating a greater variety in middle school, probably because the cafeteria served more variety and he started going out with friends and would eat what they ate. It got a lot better in high school to the extent that we went out to dinner before he left for college and he actually *chose* to have a salad (!)

And, even in the years that he felt like all he ate was cereal and bread, his pediatrician commented that she rarely saw a kid stick so closely to the growth curve on the charts they follow. So, somehow he was getting what he needed. He's now a slim 6'1" and eats a wide variety of foods but still doesn't have a huge appetite.

[Anonymous]

I feel ya. I feel like all I cook for my 4 yo are pasta and cucumber slices.

[Anonymous]

Your vent is safe here!!
I have had success with taking my 7 yo food shopping and letting him pick out stuff in the produce dept. I’ll buy almost anything he wants in that section, and I give him the scanner gun and he loves it. I also bought some recipe books and I let him (within reason and with supervision) make things in the kitchen. He’s getting better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend hours each week planning, shopping, cooking, and preparing 90% of our family’s meals and my six year old is driving me up the wall. He refuses, unless coerced (“three bites of all new foods” “clean plate club or no screens after dinner” etc), to try any new foods. We spent years playing it cool, putting it on his plate and telling him he didn’t have to try it if he didn’t want to, etc and it did absolutely nothing. Everything he tastes he says he doesn’t like, and 50% of the time he gags when he is coerced into trying it. He will not try basic things—even sweet things, like cake or toast with jam or a different flavor of muffin! Foods he does like are rejected if they are cut in a different shape. He will not eat ANY convenience foods—yogurt, pizza, mac n cheese, quesadillas, chicken nuggets, nothing. I am just so frustrated by the unwillingness to TRY and the immediate rejection of everything after tasting it, without even thinking of whether or not it could potentially taste good.
I’m not very sure if I’m looking for advice, I just need to rant. Most resources for picky eating are for toddlers, and playing little games or cutting things into fun shapes is not going to convince a six year old.

Put the food on the table and that's that. He eats or goes hungry. If he doesn't eat then he is excused from table and gets ready for bed. He does this to get attention and you are letting him win. I told this story before but I'll repeat for your brnefit. My sister's son came to visit and stay with us for two weeks one summer. At his house he would only eat pizza, PB&grape jelly sandwiches, and french fries from McDonald's. I put dinner on the table and told him this was dinner in my house--no pizza, no PB&K, no Mac fries. Eat or go hungry. It was a simple dinner and he ate everything. He also told me that he was only picky at home because he knew his mother would give him all her attention.

You are the parent and his boss
Stop letting him rule the dinner table.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. It can be so frustrating. I know you are trying so hard!

My kids are teens now. One of them was definitely picky ... Mostly outgrown it now, so I partly just want to say that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel . Hang in there, accept your kid for who he is (and what he likes/dislikes), and know that life is about so much more than dinner.

That said, here's what seems to have eventually worked for my kid. Forcing bites never did - he rejected them immediately, and then it somehow reinforced his idea that it would be bad and made him reject the idea of the next thing that much more strongly.

We just kept putting food on his plate. Not just on the table in front of him, but we served a small portion (sometimes just one or two bites) on his plate. And then we wouldn't mention it. He would never ask for a serving of something new, but if it was right there, sometimes a small amount would work its way onto his fork. A decent variety - not overwhelming, but at least a few times a week we'd have 1-2 things we knew he'd eat and 1-2 new things (other nights would be 'all safe' so he didn't get freaked out). Never anything super spicy or that we knew he would hate, but things that we thought he might like if he tried them with an open mind. Many, many nights, the new things got thrown out untouched. But ... When the stars aligned... He would try a small bite. And sometimes that was that. But gradually, over time, he would ask for a second helping of something.

This took years. Literally. And I don't actually know if it would have been faster with another method. It's likely that we weren't actually doing anything, other than waiting for him to outgrow the stubbornness. I don't claim to have studies done on hundreds of children. But I do know that it was low stress, DH and I got to eat what we liked, meals didn't turn into battles, and eventually he came around. He's now 14, still definitely has some likes and dislikes, but eats a great variety of foods AND is really open to trying new things.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry op, that sounds incredibly frustrating. You probably already know about this so forgive me for
mentioning it but kids eat in color has a better bites program that is supposed to go up til age 10. I don’t think you get much for true picky eating like your experiencing on her Instagram but I’ve heard good things about her actual program and her kids are older - like 6 and 8 so just seems more promising. But also, just mostly want to say that sounds so so frustrating and you sound like a great mom

Is it the same person who recommend this “kids eat in color” all the time? Is it in fact the owner of that handle? I looked at her stuff once and it was laughable. Not for true picky eaters.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP! I once cried because my kid wouldn't eat. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s hungry he will eat. Seriously. When he’s hungry enough he will eat.

Truly picky kids won't. I was one of those kids, and I would allow myself to pass out with hunger sometimes rather than eat something I didn't like. I was not as picky as OP's kid (there were a couple things I would reliably eat...though I'm sure it still drove my mom insane having to ensure that they were always available even if we traveled etc), but this advice simply doesn't work for a certain level of pickiness.