tactful way to clue friends into our financial situation?
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Anonymous
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Honesty is best in this case.
From my POV, we can easily afford 800 a week for camp, but prefer to spend our $$ elsewhere. I wouldn't do it regardless and would just say "Sounds fun, but I prefer not to spend that much on summer camp" and then send around some other cheaper options. Honestly, it's a waste of $$. |
Anonymous
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I wish people would be honest.
We are the higher earners in our friend group. Over the years, some people decline or don’t respond to requests to hang out, vacation, etc. I would have felt a lot better if I knew cost was the reason why they didn’t want to join. I have one friend who is unemployed and one who is a teacher married to another married teacher. They openly mention how they are on a budget so I only suggest free or invite them over to our house. |
Anonymous
I would |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Thank you! We are a two teacher household with 3 kids. We have all that we need and we own our home. We aren’t trying to keep up with the Jonses but just genuinely really love our friends. This awesome silver lining of the pandemic is that our neighborhood really bonded together! |
Anonymous
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Yeah, I would just be honest. “Oh that’s too rich for our blood, but we would love to have you over for X, Y and Z!”
For the camps, etc., consider picking one thing to do with friends so your kids can be with their friends at least some times. Whether that’s a sports team or a week of tennis camp or whatever. In lieu of $$$ vacations, I offer to include them on fun days trips (hiking at Great Falls, going to a drive-in movie theatre, Luray Cavern tour, etc.). That way your kids get to make summer memories with their friends without blowing your budget. |
Anonymous
| Definitely be honest about the budget. The vague "can't make it" makes me think the person is uninterested in friendship. |
Anonymous
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I would not talk about my budget unless I were talking to my long-time, intimate friends. Like, "no, I can't do these all these lunches and brunches, you see I am not employed" -- but unless they are really close they don't need to hear about your budget, so I agree with others that you can decline without reason, continue issuing invitations, and even maybe saying "wow that's expensive" about camps or whatever, but don't say anything about your financial situation unless you are really close. In my experience, girlfriends in 20s and 30s feel compelled to be transparent like this as situations warrant--for example, she thinks you can afford her out-of -town wedding events etc, or she is just richer and thinks you can go to dinners/bars 5 nights per week. This is the same but in a different context and without the youth and intimacy. Once you are married and kids and etc, your budget and priorities are more complicated and no other family's business.
In short, keep your privacy but keep being friendly and social. |
Anonymous
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When covid shut schools down a neighbor and I were talking about applying to private schools. When I mentioned one particular school, she said oh, that place sounds great but its totally out of our budget. Its as simple as that. Nobody judges you for the $$ you have OP. If they did, those are not the friends worth having anyway.
Adult friendships are hard. Its hard to find people you connect with its precious when you do. If you kept turning me down without a reason, I'd just feel rejected. But if you told me why, I would totally keep that in mind for future plans. |
Anonymous
If they don't respond, you know you are every high earners and they aren't, so why not suggest low cost things? |
Anonymous
I don’t think about the cost of going out to eat as a high cost. This is pre Covid. We moved and we live in a more affluent area now. I remember signing my boys up for fishing camp. It was $575 per kid. I have 2 boys. I had mentioned and a few people were interested but didn’t sign up with my boys. After summer was over, one mom mentioned the cost and how she has 4 kids and camp was so expensive for them. Then she specifically mentioned the expensive fishing camp. My boys are now 10 and 12 and outings are less. We just ask if friends can come with us and pay for them. |
Anonymous
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No, it is super tacky to bring up your budget or finances.
If you can’t go, just say you can’t go. It really doesn’t matter why. And if they stop inviting you to expensive outings, even better-since you can’t go anyhow. Stay in the loop by issuing your own invites to them for low cost outing. Just like you have a clue they make a lot more than you do, Im sure they have a clue you make less. |
Anonymous
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I guess I'm the minority, but I don't want or need to know about your budget. I would just prefer a "sorry we can't make that" and then you suggest something else that you can afford the next time around.
I also would never tell friends that I can't pay for something. I would just decline and/or find a way to pay for it if it was important to participate. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't say this, as it sounds like you're judging their choices. Simply say that you've selected a different camp. |
Anonymous
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