tactful way to clue friends into our financial situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had people say things like "we don't have room in our budget for more extracurriculars this season," or "we're limiting going out to eat for budget reasons, but would you like to come by for hot chocolate after dinner or do a hike next weekend?

I've had to say "our travel budget is limited this year, so we're doing a staycation for spring break. Thanks for the invitation and can't wait to hear about it!"

If you just declined I'd think you didn't like us or want to hang out.

If anyone judges you for having a smaller budget, well, they might not be the nicest people. Their loss.

OP here- thanks for this. I definitely think that if they know, they will be super gracious about it. Especially when it comes to all of the camps and sports for the kids. We aren't in a position to send our kids to several multi-hundred dollar a week day camps AND play on more than one sports team in a season.

I guess I’m wondering why you want to tell them about your finances?

I think you could just as easily say: “Thanks, but Larlo is going to be doing two weeks of camp this summer and we already chosen camp A and Camp B. But looking forward to the kids hanging out on the weekends!”

We have a very high HHI but just don’t value really expensive meals out as much as other ways to spend money, so unless it’s a really specials occasion we don’t do couples dinners out (we expect our part of the check to come to $250-400). I don’t mention our budget or our priorities, just politely decline and say that we would love to have them over for brunch/dinner/whatever. No one wants to hear about our different priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had people say things like "we don't have room in our budget for more extracurriculars this season," or "we're limiting going out to eat for budget reasons, but would you like to come by for hot chocolate after dinner or do a hike next weekend?

I've had to say "our travel budget is limited this year, so we're doing a staycation for spring break. Thanks for the invitation and can't wait to hear about it!"

If you just declined I'd think you didn't like us or want to hang out.

If anyone judges you for having a smaller budget, well, they might not be the nicest people. Their loss.

OP here- thanks for this. I definitely think that if they know, they will be super gracious about it. Especially when it comes to all of the camps and sports for the kids. We aren't in a position to send our kids to several multi-hundred dollar a week day camps AND play on more than one sports team in a season.

We had friends who were in a similar position. The Mom randomly said on a playdate that they limited their kids to one activity per season and something like "wow, that hurt when those fees came out of the checking account!" I got the clue. I honestly hadn't even noticed that they kept declining the higher cost dinners out and such because they did what you are doing with inviting over to their house a lot.

[Anonymous]

"I would love to but that is out of budget. Thanks for the invite."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand— if you can’t make it why is the reason you can’t make it relevant?

If you want to be sure to continue seeing them then I would try to find low cost opportunities for that— free concerts, neighborhood book club, outside drinks and snacks.

I usually just say "Sounds so fun. We will have to pass this time." Don't you think after 4 or 5 responses like that, they might just stop asking?

We host at our house regularly, and we also have the kids over for playdates.

I find that statement kind of odd. I'd go with something like "We'd love to join but can't make it this time. Thanks for inviting us though!"

Alot of people would translate "can't make the time" into "I have better things to do, stop inviting me crazy person"

[Anonymous]

I've been in this same position before and we have good friends who have a tight budget now. I really appreciate when she says "we'd love to join but we are watching out budget right now" so I know the reason why. If she just declines then I think maybe they just don't want to hang out! So I would go with that. Then we know to invite them for cheap or free things.

[Anonymous]

We're in a similar situation. For activities, I have said something like "fencing sounds awesome, but it's out of our price range. Maybe they can do tennis together next season!" or for summer camp "Evan would love to do Robotics, but that's a little more than we were looking to spend. Would Jack want to join him for basketball camp at the community center a different week?"

[Anonymous]

I think "sounds fun, thanks for the invite, but it's not in the budget right now" is a good way to be polite but truthful.

If they know what your jobs are, they probably can guess what income bracket you're in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand— if you can’t make it why is the reason you can’t make it relevant?

If you want to be sure to continue seeing them then I would try to find low cost opportunities for that— free concerts, neighborhood book club, outside drinks and snacks.

If I were inviting someone out who constantly declined, my reaction would be very different if my understanding of their behavior was "we'd like to but can't afford it" vs just "we don't really like spending time with you". If the latter, I'd stop inviting them altogether, if the former, I'd start inviting them to picnics and pizza nights.

[Anonymous]

First I totally think your concern is valid. If you keep declining expensive stuff for no clear reason you will stop getting invites in general.

In your shoes I think I would hint at it. “We are saving for our big summer vacation which is eating up all the slack in the budget, but have fun!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I would love to but that is out of budget. Thanks for the invite."

+1. simple is best. no one I know would look down on a friend for having to stick to a budget

[Anonymous]

When it comes to camp I just say "HOLY SH*T $800 a week is WAY out of my budget" or something like that. They catch on pretty quick after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I would love to but that is out of budget. Thanks for the invite."

+1. simple is best. no one I know would look down on a friend for having to stick to a budget

+1 and I’d respect the honesty. Saying that you’re not available or something like that makes it seem like you always have other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I would love to but that is out of budget. Thanks for the invite."

+1. simple is best. no one I know would look down on a friend for having to stick to a budget

Agreed. I have said this and had friends say this to me at various points in our lives. They may stop inviting you to super expensive things but will keep you in the loop for lower cost get togethers. No shame in this.

[Anonymous]

Please say something. Anything along the lines of "not in the budget right now" would be fine. As someone who loves when my kids find friends, i can't easily offer to pay for their camp fees but i can certainly invite a family to a beach house week (i'd pay for it all) or pay for a pool membership for a summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I would love to but that is out of budget. Thanks for the invite."

+1. simple is best. no one I know would look down on a friend for having to stick to a budget

+1 and I’d respect the honesty. Saying that you’re not available or something like that makes it seem like you always have other plans.

+2.