What if the "best fit" is a mediocre school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this post. For my older children, I got caught up with having them go to the “best” schools. I have a rising 9th grader and she fell in love with what would have been my back up choice. I’m going to let her go there, though. What I learned from my older kids - high school is so much more than prestige, academic rigor, or perceived status. Especially with what our kids have gone through - I am going for a well-rounded school where my daughter felt warmly welcomed and supported. It’s not a pressure cooker school, but it matches her values and she will be able to join in a lot of activities without stressing as much. Just some perspective from a mom who has BTDT.

Thanks. This is our eldest kid so it’s helpful to hear from someone who has btdt.

The “mediocre” school is warmer and less pressure cooker so it could be a happier experience overall.

But it’s hard for two type-A, top 10 grads to let go of our drive for “the best” if we know it’s an option.

Guess we will see how things play out over the next few months.

You need to parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had or the child that you were yourself. There is nothing wrong with a happier, less pressure cooker experience.

Yes this. I’m on my 4th kid in private high school and this is an important, lasting lesson.

Agree so much with these posters. The most important thing is that your child is HAPPY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this post. For my older children, I got caught up with having them go to the “best” schools. I have a rising 9th grader and she fell in love with what would have been my back up choice. I’m going to let her go there, though. What I learned from my older kids - high school is so much more than prestige, academic rigor, or perceived status. Especially with what our kids have gone through - I am going for a well-rounded school where my daughter felt warmly welcomed and supported. It’s not a pressure cooker school, but it matches her values and she will be able to join in a lot of activities without stressing as much. Just some perspective from a mom who has BTDT.

Thanks. This is our eldest kid so it’s helpful to hear from someone who has btdt.

The “mediocre” school is warmer and less pressure cooker so it could be a happier experience overall.

But it’s hard for two type-A, top 10 grads to let go of our drive for “the best” if we know it’s an option.

Guess we will see how things play out over the next few months.

Flip over to the college board and read all the griping from private school parents seeing that public school kids fare better in college admissions due to relative grade inflation and decreased importance of standardized testing. I have one kid in public and one in private. My private school kid is getting a better education that he could in public. But a better HS education does not necessarily mean better chance at admissions to elite colleges.

No, don’t bother. Re-read: nearly all of those posts you referenced are actually public HS parents confidently stating their opinions as fact OR a smattering of private school parents from not-DC. But mostly it’s an echo chamber of the same 3 public school devotees patting themselves on the back

[Anonymous]

My kid also fell in love with the one school I was considering the back up school.

Ultimately, I let my kid choose. It's their 4 years and the motivation and excitement they get at the beginning of that journey is so important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is money an object? Will private school tuition prevent you from sending DC to the private university of his dreams? How does the local public compare? I assume you’ve already thought this through, but if DC only gets into the so-called mediocre schools, it may be too late to tell him that he’s going public after all.

Why would it be too late? Your neighborhood public will still have to take your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this post. For my older children, I got caught up with having them go to the “best” schools. I have a rising 9th grader and she fell in love with what would have been my back up choice. I’m going to let her go there, though. What I learned from my older kids - high school is so much more than prestige, academic rigor, or perceived status. Especially with what our kids have gone through - I am going for a well-rounded school where my daughter felt warmly welcomed and supported. It’s not a pressure cooker school, but it matches her values and she will be able to join in a lot of activities without stressing as much. Just some perspective from a mom who has BTDT.

Thanks. This is our eldest kid so it’s helpful to hear from someone who has btdt.

The “mediocre” school is warmer and less pressure cooker so it could be a happier experience overall.

But it’s hard for two type-A, top 10 grads to let go of our drive for “the best” if we know it’s an option.

Guess we will see how things play out over the next few months.

You need to parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had or the child that you were yourself. There is nothing wrong with a happier, less pressure cooker experience.

Yes - this, OP.

Op here. Yes, this is what we are realizing. We shouldn’t be leaning towards schools *we* would prefer ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Why did you let your kid apply to a school that you didn't think was worth the money?

[Anonymous]

Frankly, get over your own ego of “value” and don’t share with your kid that you think a lower “level” school is t worth it. Either give it generously and unconditionally or not at all. You let DC include their favorite in the running. Do NOT unpredictability and irrationally switch that on them.

— a child therapist

[Anonymous]

Why is the school "mediocre"? Is it merely that they are less prestigious, or are they objectively lower-quality in specific ways?

Are the teachers less qualified and not as skilled?
Are the student-teacher ratios a lot higher, and your child will get insufficient personal attention?
Is there less curricular depth / class options in the subject your child is most interested in?
Is the coach of the sport your child is seriously interested in, not good?

If it's just prestige, I'd swallow your pride. If there are major differences in ways that would hinder your child from achieving their future dreams, I'd sit him down and discuss it. And I would definitely encourage him to do shadow days.

But it should be his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this post. For my older children, I got caught up with having them go to the “best” schools. I have a rising 9th grader and she fell in love with what would have been my back up choice. I’m going to let her go there, though. What I learned from my older kids - high school is so much more than prestige, academic rigor, or perceived status. Especially with what our kids have gone through - I am going for a well-rounded school where my daughter felt warmly welcomed and supported. It’s not a pressure cooker school, but it matches her values and she will be able to join in a lot of activities without stressing as much. Just some perspective from a mom who has BTDT.

Thanks. This is our eldest kid so it’s helpful to hear from someone who has btdt.

The “mediocre” school is warmer and less pressure cooker so it could be a happier experience overall.

But it’s hard for two type-A, top 10 grads to let go of our drive for “the best” if we know it’s an option.

Guess we will see how things play out over the next few months.

Did you are DH go to “the best” high schools too? I suspect with your background, you know that kids who land at top 10 schools come from all kinds of high schools. - fellow top 10 grade, with kid whose oldest went to not a big 3, and is currently at a top university

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your family is going to be unhappy wherever it lands.

rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this post. For my older children, I got caught up with having them go to the “best” schools. I have a rising 9th grader and she fell in love with what would have been my back up choice. I’m going to let her go there, though. What I learned from my older kids - high school is so much more than prestige, academic rigor, or perceived status. Especially with what our kids have gone through - I am going for a well-rounded school where my daughter felt warmly welcomed and supported. It’s not a pressure cooker school, but it matches her values and she will be able to join in a lot of activities without stressing as much. Just some perspective from a mom who has BTDT.

Thanks. This is our eldest kid so it’s helpful to hear from someone who has btdt.

The “mediocre” school is warmer and less pressure cooker so it could be a happier experience overall.

But it’s hard for two type-A, top 10 grads to let go of our drive for “the best” if we know it’s an option.

Guess we will see how things play out over the next few months.

Did you are DH go to “the best” high schools too? I suspect with your background, you know that kids who land at top 10 schools come from all kinds of high schools. - fellow top 10 grade, with kid whose oldest went to not a big 3, and is currently at a top university

I almost mentioned this in an earlier post, but part of my motivation for wanting a "top" school for my kids is that I didn't go to a "top" high school. It was pretty mediocre. In college, I was very impressed with how sophisticated and mature the kids from "top" boarding/private schools were. So ever since then, I've wanted to give my kids that experience.

But you are absolutely correct that his choice of HS won't dictate where he will end up for college.

[Anonymous]

DS loved Gonzaga and now attending a top 20 school. I wouldn’t call it mediocre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is money an object? Will private school tuition prevent you from sending DC to the private university of his dreams? How does the local public compare? I assume you’ve already thought this through, but if DC only gets into the so-called mediocre schools, it may be too late to tell him that he’s going public after all.

Why would it be too late? Your neighborhood public will still have to take your kid.

"Sorry, kid, you're not good enough to be worth sending you to private school. We thought you were, which is why you applied, but you failed to live up to our expectations, so you aren't worth it after all."

Definitely would make for a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS loved Gonzaga and now attending a top 20 school. I wouldn’t call it mediocre.

I wouldn’t either. Neither would anyone I know who knows anything about DMV private schools. This board, OTOH, has a contingent that seems to think anything that isn’t Big 3 is a mediocre safety school fit only for the unwashed masses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS loved Gonzaga and now attending a top 20 school. I wouldn’t call it mediocre.

I missed that part. Gonzaga is the school OP is talking about?