If you’re a woman who “doesn’t cook at all”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an excellent cook who has taken cooking classes, cooks to relax, talked about how excited he was to teach our unborn babies how to cook, etc. He's that guy. Comes home from work and can't wait to roll up his sleeves and start humming along with music as he checks what can be plucked from the garden and creates a feast everyone will love. And we do.

When I cook, it's one of about four or five things, and although it's good, it's not great. And I HATE cooking. I am never "in the zone" as he is. I don't find it meditative, it doesn't calm me down, and there's just nothing appealing at all about it to me. I do it when I have to and when I sense I should give DH a break.

We each have our strengths.

I love this harmony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I can’t remember the thread but I was equal parts fascinated (and a little jealous) at this disclosure. Gendered expectations aside, do your husbands cook? When you say you don’t cook, do you mean you essentially assemble, e.g. Trader Joe’s meals or is it all take-out or healthful meal delivery? Is it that you don’t enjoy cooking, don’t feel you aren’t a good cook, or would rather spend your time elsewhere?

I have a girlfriend who doesn’t really cook because she loathes the mess and doesn’t care for lingering food smells or leftovers. I mostly love to cook (not EVERY night) because I love to eat and even good restaurants seem so overpriced and mediocre. I hate cleaning up and the fact that it just seems impossible to be a good cook and and have a truly clean kitchen. I have cookie sheets that are embarrassing. Do you feel judged as a woman who doesn’t cook? I feel like i am judgy- side-eyeing the sinewy grey-blondes on their runs, thinking they probably aren’t worried about where to get decent imported Parmesan, all the while wishing I were that thin. I loved the closed kitchen thread and am interested in your relationship with your kitchen.

No way. In fact, I avoid telling people my husband does all the cooking because they get jealous and wish their husbands did the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH “enjoys” cooking everyday. If your DH does, that just means he cannot handle your cooking. Shame!

LOL! You don't get out much, do you?

[Anonymous]

I don't cook.

I'll start by saying, there's a fair amount of sexism in your initial post, though you seem to be aware of it, I think it's worth calling out - are you "fascinated" when a man tells you they don't cook? The mechanics of it are the same.

My husband does all the cooking. He's an excellent cook.

Before I was married, I muddled through, much like so many single men (and I was single a long time, although my other long term relationship was also with a man who cooks). I ate a lot of boxed food, like Mac and cheese, pasta roni (where you just essentially boil water and add the contents of the box), frozen meals, chicken nuggets, sandwiches, etc. I ate out and ordered in a lot. If I was feeling fancy, I'd make shake 'n bake chicken.

I would say its a mix of not enjoying cooking and that I'd rather spend my time elsewhere, and of course now that I'm a couple decades into adulthood, I'd also say I'm not a good cook, but it feels like something I could have learned along the way if I'd cared to. There's also a level of strategic incompetence to it, a technique much more commonly (and effectively!) used by men. If I don't learn to cook, guess what? No one can expect me to cook. <Shrug>. I'll never be roped into cooking for guests I don't want, or making Thanksgiving for 20 people over four days. It's one huge area of household responsibility that will never fall to me. Because I don't know how. Win/win. My husband knows all this, it's not a secret.

I do all the laundry and keeping track of the kids clothes (shopping, hand-me-downs, what fits/what doesn't etc), so I'm not generally useless around the house. And for what it's worth, I have an exceptionally happy marriage that is truly egalitarian, and neither my husband nor I would have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't cook.

I'll start by saying, there's a fair amount of sexism in your initial post, though you seem to be aware of it, I think it's worth calling out - are you "fascinated" when a man tells you they don't cook? The mechanics of it are the same.

My husband does all the cooking. He's an excellent cook.

Before I was married, I muddled through, much like so many single men (and I was single a long time, although my other long term relationship was also with a man who cooks). I ate a lot of boxed food, like Mac and cheese, pasta roni (where you just essentially boil water and add the contents of the box), frozen meals, chicken nuggets, sandwiches, etc. I ate out and ordered in a lot. If I was feeling fancy, I'd make shake 'n bake chicken.

I would say its a mix of not enjoying cooking and that I'd rather spend my time elsewhere, and of course now that I'm a couple decades into adulthood, I'd also say I'm not a good cook, but it feels like something I could have learned along the way if I'd cared to. There's also a level of strategic incompetence to it, a technique much more commonly (and effectively!) used by men. If I don't learn to cook, guess what? No one can expect me to cook. <Shrug>. I'll never be roped into cooking for guests I don't want, or making Thanksgiving for 20 people over four days. It's one huge area of household responsibility that will never fall to me. Because I don't know how. Win/win. My husband knows all this, it's not a secret.

I do all the laundry and keeping track of the kids clothes (shopping, hand-me-downs, what fits/what doesn't etc), so I'm not generally useless around the house. And for what it's worth, I have an exceptionally happy marriage that is truly egalitarian, and neither my husband nor I would have it any other way.

PP here - and no, I don't feel "judged as a woman" but anyone who honestly feels that way would just make me laugh. I mean, do you feel "judged as a woman" for wearing pants? Come on.

I did have an aunt once, when she found out my (then boyfriend, now husband) cooks, said "Oh, great! Now he can teach you!" to which I replied "You are not understanding how I have solved this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't cook.

I'll start by saying, there's a fair amount of sexism in your initial post, though you seem to be aware of it, I think it's worth calling out - are you "fascinated" when a man tells you they don't cook? The mechanics of it are the same.

My husband does all the cooking. He's an excellent cook.

Before I was married, I muddled through, much like so many single men (and I was single a long time, although my other long term relationship was also with a man who cooks). I ate a lot of boxed food, like Mac and cheese, pasta roni (where you just essentially boil water and add the contents of the box), frozen meals, chicken nuggets, sandwiches, etc. I ate out and ordered in a lot. If I was feeling fancy, I'd make shake 'n bake chicken.

I would say its a mix of not enjoying cooking and that I'd rather spend my time elsewhere, and of course now that I'm a couple decades into adulthood, I'd also say I'm not a good cook, but it feels like something I could have learned along the way if I'd cared to. There's also a level of strategic incompetence to it, a technique much more commonly (and effectively!) used by men. If I don't learn to cook, guess what? No one can expect me to cook. <Shrug>. I'll never be roped into cooking for guests I don't want, or making Thanksgiving for 20 people over four days. It's one huge area of household responsibility that will never fall to me. Because I don't know how. Win/win. My husband knows all this, it's not a secret.

I do all the laundry and keeping track of the kids clothes (shopping, hand-me-downs, what fits/what doesn't etc), so I'm not generally useless around the house. And for what it's worth, I have an exceptionally happy marriage that is truly egalitarian, and neither my husband nor I would have it any other way.

PP here - and no, I don't feel "judged as a woman" but anyone who honestly feels that way would just make me laugh. I mean, do you feel "judged as a woman" for wearing pants? Come on.

I did have an aunt once, when she found out my (then boyfriend, now husband) cooks, said "Oh, great! Now he can teach you!" to which I replied "You are not understanding how I have solved this problem.