If you’re a woman who “doesn’t cook at all”

[Anonymous]

I can’t remember the thread but I was equal parts fascinated (and a little jealous) at this disclosure. Gendered expectations aside, do your husbands cook? When you say you don’t cook, do you mean you essentially assemble, e.g. Trader Joe’s meals or is it all take-out or healthful meal delivery? Is it that you don’t enjoy cooking, don’t feel you aren’t a good cook, or would rather spend your time elsewhere?

I have a girlfriend who doesn’t really cook because she loathes the mess and doesn’t care for lingering food smells or leftovers. I mostly love to cook (not EVERY night) because I love to eat and even good restaurants seem so overpriced and mediocre. I hate cleaning up and the fact that it just seems impossible to be a good cook and and have a truly clean kitchen. I have cookie sheets that are embarrassing. Do you feel judged as a woman who doesn’t cook? I feel like i am judgy- side-eyeing the sinewy grey-blondes on their runs, thinking they probably aren’t worried about where to get decent imported Parmesan, all the while wishing I were that thin. I loved the closed kitchen thread and am interested in your relationship with your kitchen.

[Anonymous]

I cook, but have a friend who does not. I'm sure she can make something, but she has told me her husband does the grocery shopping and the cooking!!!!! She does work full-time (as does the husband) and used to have a nanny that did the kids' laundry and school pick up! I was a little jealous of that part!!!!

[Anonymous]

My DH loves to cook and I don't (and he's quite good at it). I like to bake once in a while but that's it. He does all grocery shopping and cooking. I don't mind cleaning up after, so that's the division of labor in our house.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM who doesn’t cook. I feel very embarrassed by this, but DH enjoys cooking and while he’s not picky, he only eats good food cooked well. While my kids would choke down dry chicken, DH would not. So it works out well for all of us.

I can cook. I have two or three meals that I can be counted on. But “making dinner” for me is reheating and assembly and cooking vegetables.

[Anonymous]

I grocery shop, but i don’t enjoy cooking. My DH loves to cook. I buy everything, he cooks it. We both do dishes. It works for us. We also probably order out 3x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to cook and I don't (and he's quite good at it). I like to bake once in a while but that's it. He does all grocery shopping and cooking. I don't mind cleaning up after, so that's the division of labor in our house.

Same. I really only cook when my DH is away on business (but mostly we takeout when he does :shock. I do wash the dishes pretty much every night though! (And much prefer that).

[Anonymous]

I love to cook and I don’t side eye anyone who doesn’t.

I feel so lucky that I actually love doing something that is perceived as a chore by others.

[Anonymous]

My husband does 99% of the cooking in our house. I do not like cooking that much. I occasionally make dinner when he is out of town, stuck at work, or if I want to prep some lunches for the week. I generally make very healthy meals (baked fish, steamed veggies, homemade soup). He will also cook my lunches if I ask him. He loves to cook and is excellent at it. He worked in a restaurant in college one summer and has long harbored fantasies about becoming a chef. Our kids prefer his cooking.

Do I feel judged? No! I think women either wish their husbands cooked more or they have had his meals and know why he cooks. Our kitchen is clean but our pots, pans, and cookie sheets are all heavily used. He cleans the kitchen 75% of the time. I clean up the rest of the time. We have weekly maids come too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t cook. I feel very embarrassed by this, but DH enjoys cooking and while he’s not picky, he only eats good food cooked well. While my kids would choke down dry chicken, DH would not. So it works out well for all of us.

I can cook. I have two or three meals that I can be counted on. But “making dinner” for me is reheating and assembly and cooking vegetables.

I never felt embarrassed! DH likes cooking. Why would I rob him of a hobby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t cook. I feel very embarrassed by this, but DH enjoys cooking and while he’s not picky, he only eats good food cooked well. While my kids would choke down dry chicken, DH would not. So it works out well for all of us.

I can cook. I have two or three meals that I can be counted on. But “making dinner” for me is reheating and assembly and cooking vegetables.

So what do you do all day?

You suck. I am sure she is quite busy raising children, running a household, errands, extracurriculars, etc. Even to assemble, marketing must be done.

[Anonymous]

No DH “enjoys” cooking everyday. If your DH does, that just means he cannot handle your cooking. Shame!

[Anonymous]

Dh does all the cooking, I bring in the big bucks Works for us.

[Anonymous]

I cook, but didn't really when I met my DH. One of the things that attracted me to him is that he is a good cook, and loves to do it, and is ambitious about what he makes. When we first started dating and living together, he cooked and I cleaned.

But living with him demystified cooking for me, and I started doing it more. Just really basic things initially but then trying out more things and now I actually think we're pretty on par. One reason I started cooking is that I noticed we ate his favorite foods a lot and mine less often, because of course he was doing the meal planning and then when we ate out we took turns picking. So learning to cook at least a few things that I crave often and find really satisfying was a no brainer, because it's easy to get someone to agree to what you'd like for dinner if you are the one who is going to make it.

Once you get into cooking it's hard to stop. I bought a couple cookbooks I like and found some blogs I enjoy, and that gets me thinking about new dishes and wanting to learn how to make more things. At this point, a lot of my family's favorite meals are recipes I found and made the first time, though since DH and I split cooking duties, he's as likely to make them as I am at this point, or we make them together. But I feel really comfortable in the kitchen at this point and it's kind of crazy to me that I didn't really learn to cook until I was in my mid-30s.

I don't think it's that hard to keep your kitchen clean when you cook. You need it to be organized and you have to get used to doing certain things very regularly (cleaning the oven, stove top, and microwave; degreasing surfaces near the stove; cleaning out the fridge and freezer; scouring the sink). But if you do them often they don't even take a long time because you don't get build up. Plus this part is relatively easy to outsource if are willing to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH “enjoys” cooking everyday. If your DH does, that just means he cannot handle your cooking. Shame!

Surely that goes for wives as well.

[Anonymous]

My husband is an excellent cook who has taken cooking classes, cooks to relax, talked about how excited he was to teach our unborn babies how to cook, etc. He's that guy. Comes home from work and can't wait to roll up his sleeves and start humming along with music as he checks what can be plucked from the garden and creates a feast everyone will love. And we do.

When I cook, it's one of about four or five things, and although it's good, it's not great. And I HATE cooking. I am never "in the zone" as he is. I don't find it meditative, it doesn't calm me down, and there's just nothing appealing at all about it to me. I do it when I have to and when I sense I should give DH a break.

We each have our strengths.