I Don’t Need to Justify My Time to You!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming that you're not a troll (or actually the husband)...

Being charitable here, it sounds like you and he are stuck in a bad cycle. Again, I'm giving your story a lot of benefit of the doubt here, but ASSUMING everything you said was accurate...

-You are generally frustrated, maybe at a boiling point now, about the amount of things on your plate, and he is not really contributing and he is perhaps being passive-aggressive. Perhaps purposefully blowing things off because he knows you will do them yourself, eventually. Also PERHAPS he has ADHD or some such, which isn't an excuse, but an explanation and might be helpful in determining a manageable strategy.

-AND. You are now micromanaging. He didn't do something for the household* yesterday and it stuck in your craw, so you are ready to pounce when he seems to be wasting time today.

-Even if he's generally a jerk, I don't blame him for his response (your title) because your monitoring his every second is not only disproportionate, but totally ineffective, even counterproductive.

-You are frustrated, and (again giving you the HUGE benefit of the doubt) you are justified in being frustrated. But you're having a tantrum at this point because you are unable to control him. Nothing good can come of this.

-Maybe there is no amount of calm problem-solving and meditation that will actually produce a good result for your family, which means you have to make some choices. But it doesn't sound like anything productive is even being attempted eight now.


*I almost said "for you!" But that just shows how ingrained the sexism is.

Sorry, meant to say he MIGHT have ADHD, not that he does!

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand that it can be very difficult for those with new disabilities to cope with the world around them, and it must be very difficult for you to see the boxes that need to go to the attic and no way for you to do it yourself, while watching your husband go to the gym.

Same goes with the parcels for your sister. I know it’s hard not being able to leave the house for yourself to get these things done Hopefully that will come in the future for you - maybe you can look at other options that make you feel more empowered of tasks that are important to yin like courier pick up, or your OT can take you out?

Your frustration is completely normal, but something you should talk to your care team or therapist about. Your husbands hour after waking doesn’t sound that unusual at this time of year.

[Anonymous]

He is taking leave so he gets to decide on his time. Give him a list (reasonable not overwhelming) and tell him you'd like him to complete it in x days. Assuming you discussed all these things and he is on board that they are needed tasks. Then ket him do stuff on his schedule. I get much more buy it from DH when we both own whatever task and not micromanage. Even if i hate the way he does dishes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that it can be very difficult for those with new disabilities to cope with the world around them, and it must be very difficult for you to see the boxes that need to go to the attic and no way for you to do it yourself, while watching your husband go to the gym.

Same goes with the parcels for your sister. I know it’s hard not being able to leave the house for yourself to get these things done Hopefully that will come in the future for you - maybe you can look at other options that make you feel more empowered of tasks that are important to yin like courier pick up, or your OT can take you out?

Your frustration is completely normal, but something you should talk to your care team or therapist about. Your husbands hour after waking doesn’t sound that unusual at this time of year.

Where do you get the idea OP has a disability other than being a nut job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the hell???? Who cares. No wonder he told you it's none of your business. If someone tried to control me like you're trying to control him I'd say the same thing.

+100

[Anonymous]

And I asked him to pick up laundry detergent and toilet paper on his way home from the gym and he “forgot.” Then he took a shower and made himself breakfast - not me or my daughter mind you. He told me DD already made hers, but he didn’t even ask me. This is why I think he’s so selfish. Then he goes out to get the detergent and to snd us give for like an hour. The store is literally 5 mins away. So, when I call him he’s getting his hair cut. Again, only thinks about himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I asked him to pick up laundry detergent and toilet paper on his way home from the gym and he “forgot.” Then he took a shower and made himself breakfast - not me or my daughter mind you. He told me DD already made hers, but he didn’t even ask me. This is why I think he’s so selfish. Then he goes out to get the detergent and to snd us give for like an hour. The store is literally 5 mins away. So, when I call him he’s getting his hair cut. Again, only thinks about himself.

Was this posted by the OP?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are not okay and you are pushing him away.

[Anonymous]

We’ve all been there with scatterbrained DH’s. If we don’t take them by the hand nothing will get done. I feel for you OP.

[Anonymous]

WTH OP? You're nuts. Is he not supposed to get his haircut? That's being selfish? He's off work. He's doing things for himself. Jeez. Back OFF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

It's important to remember that your husband is your partner, not your employee. And it's debatable whether it's best to micromanage an employee like that.

I had thought this thread was going to be about having an affair from 7 am - 8 am! Instead, it's just a guy puttering around in the morning, like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Clearly, he's wasting his time with you. What a shrew. That guy can't escape you for an hour?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that it can be very difficult for those with new disabilities to cope with the world around them, and it must be very difficult for you to see the boxes that need to go to the attic and no way for you to do it yourself, while watching your husband go to the gym.

Same goes with the parcels for your sister. I know it’s hard not being able to leave the house for yourself to get these things done Hopefully that will come in the future for you - maybe you can look at other options that make you feel more empowered of tasks that are important to yin like courier pick up, or your OT can take you out?

Your frustration is completely normal, but something you should talk to your care team or therapist about. Your husbands hour after waking doesn’t sound that unusual at this time of year.

Where do you get the idea OP has a disability other than being a nut job?

Oh, maybe it was a comprehension issue as I couldn’t see someone being so needy unless they had something underlying. Choose kindness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are batshi* crazy. You are not his mother. Keep this up and you will be divorced. You worry if he comes home at 2 a.m. You don't worry for an hour. He could be doing errands, on the phone with a friend or reading the news. My God. Are you 12?

+1 OP you a crazy lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

You are not his mom.