I Don’t Need to Justify My Time to You!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I asked him to pick up laundry detergent and toilet paper on his way home from the gym and he “forgot.” Then he took a shower and made himself breakfast - not me or my daughter mind you. He told me DD already made hers, but he didn’t even ask me. This is why I think he’s so selfish. Then he goes out to get the detergent and to snd us give for like an hour. The store is literally 5 mins away. So, when I call him he’s getting his hair cut. Again, only thinks about himself.

Unless you were literally sitting in the bathroom, body and clothes covered in sh!t because you didn't have toilet paper or detergent, what's wrong with any of this?

He was probably hungry after working out.

He's off today and can go to the store anytime.

Totally fine for him to get a haircut.

I don't ask my H if he wants breakfast. Most people make their own, and if I wanted what H was making, I'd just ask him to make extra. NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that it can be very difficult for those with new disabilities to cope with the world around them, and it must be very difficult for you to see the boxes that need to go to the attic and no way for you to do it yourself, while watching your husband go to the gym.

Same goes with the parcels for your sister. I know it’s hard not being able to leave the house for yourself to get these things done Hopefully that will come in the future for you - maybe you can look at other options that make you feel more empowered of tasks that are important to yin like courier pick up, or your OT can take you out?

Your frustration is completely normal, but something you should talk to your care team or therapist about. Your husbands hour after waking doesn’t sound that unusual at this time of year.

Where do you get the idea OP has a disability other than being a nut job?

Oh, maybe it was a comprehension issue as I couldn’t see someone being so needy unless they had something underlying. Choose kindness!

NP, but I do believe it was a little tongue in cheek because ... who could be that needy unless they had underlying challenges?

[Anonymous]

I bet this has been happening so many times that he finally snapped.

Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I asked him to pick up laundry detergent and toilet paper on his way home from the gym and he “forgot.” Then he took a shower and made himself breakfast - not me or my daughter mind you. He told me DD already made hers, but he didn’t even ask me. This is why I think he’s so selfish. Then he goes out to get the detergent and to snd us give for like an hour. The store is literally 5 mins away. So, when I call him he’s getting his hair cut. Again, only thinks about himself.

Why didn’t your DD make you breakfast when she was making hers?

Also, you were already home. Why didn’t you make him breakfast before he had to go run errands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Sounds like another pleasant holiday at the OP home.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is husband, posting as the wife. He’s been posting for years but don’t leave her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I asked him to pick up laundry detergent and toilet paper on his way home from the gym and he “forgot.” Then he took a shower and made himself breakfast - not me or my daughter mind you. He told me DD already made hers, but he didn’t even ask me. This is why I think he’s so selfish. Then he goes out to get the detergent and to snd us give for like an hour. The store is literally 5 mins away. So, when I call him he’s getting his hair cut. Again, only thinks about himself.

You sound like a lot of fun to live with.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you need to account for one hour of his time??? You're annoying. You keep this up you won't have a husband to track for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Yep, you're a nut. Divorce coming soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, assuming that you're not a troll (or actually the husband)...

Being charitable here, it sounds like you and he are stuck in a bad cycle. Again, I'm giving your story a lot of benefit of the doubt here, but ASSUMING everything you said was accurate...

-You are generally frustrated, maybe at a boiling point now, about the amount of things on your plate, and he is not really contributing and he is perhaps being passive-aggressive. Perhaps purposefully blowing things off because he knows you will do them yourself, eventually. Also he has ADHD or some such, which isn't an excuse, but an explanation and might be helpful in determining a manageable strategy.

-AND. You are now micromanaging. He didn't do something for the household* yesterday and it stuck in your craw, so you are ready to pounce when he seems to be wasting time today.

-Even if he's generally a jerk, I don't blame him for his response (your title) because your monitoring his every second is not only disproportionate, but totally ineffective, even counterproductive.

-You are frustrated, and (again giving you the HUGE benefit of the doubt) you are justified in being frustrated. But you're having a tantrum at this point because you are unable to control him. Nothing good can come of this.

-Maybe there is no amount of calm problem-solving and meditation that will actually produce a good result for your family, which means you have to make some choices. But it doesn't sound like anything productive is even being attempted eight now.


*I almost said "for you!" But that just shows how ingrained the sexism is.

Way to turn the tables and blame him for her nuttiness. You've diagnosed him as being ADHD because it took him an hour to get to the gym?! You're just as nutty as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you managing his time?

Because I have things I need him to do. We had a huge fight the other night because after we decorated the Christmas tree I told him to take the boxes back to the attic and he said he would do it in the morning. Why not now? He just wastes time.

Why can't you do it? Stop managing his time and manage your own

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe you are micromanaging this hour.

I have 3 kids. Sometimes I just sit and have coffee or read the news. If my DH asked, I would be so upset.

Dh and I do often ask where one another is when we are about to eat a meal. Yesterday DH went to the post office. We were about to eat so I called him. He said there was a long line at the post office. No big deal. Kids were hungry so we started eating without DH.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a total communication problem.

DH often forgets little things but I give him a pass. Ha I’m sure he thinks I give him shit all the time but I let it slide 90% of the time.

When it is a home day, assuming DH is off since he is getting haircuts and going to the gym at 8am, it is reasonable to know what the other is doing. If I go out and DH is with our 3 kids, I tell him approximately how long I will be out and roughly what I’m doing. I remember once I went to target and ended up meeting a friend and ended up eating lunch with her. I was out for over 5 hours and he asked when I was coming home. That is reasonable.

Freaking out about laundry detergent and putting away boxes is way more about your marriage problems than just an hour. Same for the breakfast. He obviously doesn’t put you first. Why would he if you are botching about why it took him an hour to get to the gym? I wouldn’t want to make you breakfast either. Like if I was making myself a bagel, I would not think to make DH a bagel.