Hypothetical Paternity situation. WWYD ?

[Anonymous]

Pass it off as you were both drinking and the crazy thing is you could swear MIL said something about hum having a different father than the rest of the boys.

[Anonymous]

4, with a possible side of 1. I like the approach by 13:28. She said it, so it bothers her. These things often come out.

But generally, keep your mouth shut. I have had suspicions for years that my DH’s oldest child from a previous marriage isn’t actually his, but I kept my mouth shut. That’s because it’s his son, they love each other, and even if at the end of the day there might have been another sperm donor, that’s HIS son. Why muddy the waters? Family is more than biology.

[Anonymous]

Every worry you will have a bit too much to drink one night and share this information in the wrong way or with the wrong person?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe all the posters who could keep this from their spouse. Not only would this be a huge deceit, but chances are he will find out at some point (ancestry.com etc)

[Anonymous]

I could never and would never keep a secret like this from my husband.

[Anonymous]

The only reason this would bother me is that the DH in question does not have the genetic predispositions he thinks he has, and he may have different predispositions that he doesn't know about.

I would want to know more about the bio father. I would ask MIL, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't know. I would also encourage DH to pay attention to his health, and possibly do medical genetic testing for various cancers, different from ancestry testing. Cancers are very dependent on the genetic assortment handed down my parents.

- geneticist.

[Anonymous]

Where background your gave OP. I would probably keep the secret.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s hilarious that in your narrative, it’s never occurred to your DH air any of his family that he looks different than the rest of them. Do you suspect that you’re the first person ever to figure this out? That your MIL has only ever once uttered to another person the reason for it? That it hasn’t occurred to your husband that he’s the odd man out?

Plenty of families have quietly open secrets. Go to journalism school if you want to break the news and spread a scoop.

He comes from a happy, loving family. Do you think it’s better to make a quiet secret a dramatic one? To what end? To shame your MIL? To prove you’re better than the family? What’s your goal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This never happened

Thus the hypothetical in the thread title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s hilarious that in your narrative, it’s never occurred to your DH air any of his family that he looks different than the rest of them. Do you suspect that you’re the first person ever to figure this out? That your MIL has only ever once uttered to another person the reason for it? That it hasn’t occurred to your husband that he’s the odd man out?

Plenty of families have quietly open secrets. Go to journalism school if you want to break the news and spread a scoop.

He comes from a happy, loving family. Do you think it’s better to make a quiet secret a dramatic one? To what end? To shame your MIL? To prove you’re better than the family? What’s your goal?

OP here. Hop off your high horse sweetheart, this is a purely speculative, hypothetical WWYD in this situation type post. Try learning to read and comprehend before becoming sanctimonious internet Mother Superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s hilarious that in your narrative, it’s never occurred to your DH air any of his family that he looks different than the rest of them. Do you suspect that you’re the first person ever to figure this out? That your MIL has only ever once uttered to another person the reason for it? That it hasn’t occurred to your husband that he’s the odd man out?

Plenty of families have quietly open secrets. Go to journalism school if you want to break the news and spread a scoop.

He comes from a happy, loving family. Do you think it’s better to make a quiet secret a dramatic one? To what end? To shame your MIL? To prove you’re better than the family? What’s your goal?

OP here. Hop off your high horse sweetheart, this is a purely speculative, hypothetical WWYD in this situation type post. Try learning to read and comprehend before becoming sanctimonious internet Mother Superior.

We've always joked in the family that my oldest cousin was switched in the hospital, because he doesn't look like his brothers, sisters, father or mother. This was in a country and at a time, when occasionally mothers were given the wrong newborn in hospital. No one has ever done any testing. No one believes for a second that his mother had an affair (he doesn't look like her anyway). But the hospital switch is a distinct possibility...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The husband would never forgive you if he found out you knew and didn’t tell him. So I’d tell MIL she has until January 7 to tell DH or I will. No need to ruin the holidays.

+1

Not fair for MIL to put that on OP, jeopardizing her marriage.

which makes you wonder if at some level the MIL wants to be forced into telling her son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You privately ask her if what she said while drinking was true (gives her a chance to deny it in which case you are no longer on the hook for knowing since to you it was a drunk lie) If she admits it again, ask what she plans to do now that ancestry tests have become so common. You say you're worried your DH may get contacted by someone. That switches the dynamic over to help her realize that she is not in full control - his paternal family could easily find him in this day and age. You say she's conservative so there is little chance she'll confess to her family now.

That said, asking her again does dig you in deeper. Currently you can claim you didn't know because you dont remember any such conversation during a drinking night. Asking again proves you remember. Then you will need to tell her you can't carry her secret.

My nephew, who had done a 23 and me a few years ago, got a text message last year. He always knew he was the product of a one time encounter between my sister and a guy in the neighborhood before she was married, and adopted by her husband when she did marry. He was just interested in ethnic ancestry, which came up pretty much as expected. But the guy who was born from this guy's other encounter (during a three month split with his fiance) had no idea his father was not his bio father until the 23 and me, which think his wife bought him just for fun (she did one too). I think his legal father was dead by then and it did cause an unheaval.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. People deserve to know who their parents are. This isn't her secret to keep. Mothers aren't the keeper of knowledge, just because they think so- and you aren't either.

How ridiculous it is that she decided to tell you, to finally unload thinking there wouldn't be any repercussions. That's a heavy burden she placed on you. How ridiculous it is that you feel your husband doesn't really need to know. Who does that? Imagine your husband keeping this information from you.

[Anonymous]

The fact that siblings don’t have a close resemblance doesn’t necessarily mean anything. My two sons are full siblings (I’m the mom, no possibility of a different parent] and one is pale with blonde hair and very light blue eyes, and the other has black hair, brown eyes and olive-toned skin. Their facial features are not similar at all.