Debate with Spouse re Weight

[Anonymous]

Can't they have a creative, vigorous sex workout together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I rarely post on this website. It’s weird to me how harsh you all are. Anyway, thanks to the few who entertained the premise of the question.

You're a bit much, OP.

And get a Pelaton.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are being harsh, but I think changing your mindset from "must exercise during set time when I have no other responsibilities" to "have a more active lifestyle and exercise for free" will benefit you both.

I'm a thin person with a thin husband. Here are things we do:
YouTube yoga video every day, sometimes the kids are there and they think it's hilarious.
Hiking as a family
Walk around the neighborhood everyday. To and from school and other errands we hit 3 miles a day this way.
Bike instead of drive.

Change your whole premise and you will start seeing results really quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husbands premise that the couple needs to make time for him to exercise is the flaw here— if it is medically necessary he needs to make time for it in the way he would make time to take his medicine. Not be given extra free time at your expense. Whatever he does during his current free time is what goes first.

The only time I have expected my husband to make the family time for me to exercise was from 6-12 weeks postpartum when restoring core strength was a time-limited medical priority, that, if ignored, would lead to lifetime change in body. Unless your DH recently gave birth or has been told he needs to lose X lbs to qualify for a surgical intervention, I don’t see his argument.

Where are you getting this but about the “husbands premise”? Seems like you’re reading in stuff that isn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I were having a mild disagreement, and I wanted to see if people thought one or both of us were off base:

Suppose, in a household, there is time enough for one spouse, but not both, to exercise. The husband in this scenario is decidedly overweight and, prior to some recent weight loss, was nearing obesity. The wife is not overweight by BMI but weighs more than she would like and weighs more than in the past.

The husband thinks he should get priority because his situation is basically a medical concern; the wife’s position is that she should get priority because our society can be very harsh toward woman based on their appearance and that a husband naturally can’t appreciate how “fat women” are treated.

Who seem more right?

Nobody cares about a fat married woman.

[Anonymous]

90% of weight management is diet, so the argument is futile. For health purposes, exercise together. Put that baby or toddler in a carrier and go hiking at Great Falls for 15 miles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, they are being harsh, but I think changing your mindset from "must exercise during set time when I have no other responsibilities" to "have a more active lifestyle and exercise for free" will benefit you both.

I'm a thin person with a thin husband. Here are things we do:
YouTube yoga video every day, sometimes the kids are there and they think it's hilarious.
Hiking as a family
Walk around the neighborhood everyday. To and from school and other errands we hit 3 miles a day this way.
Bike instead of drive.

Change your whole premise and you will start seeing results really quickly.

I agree. There is always time to exercise, you just have to prioritize it. That may mean waking up at 0500 and working out before the kids wake up, then do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husbands premise that the couple needs to make time for him to exercise is the flaw here— if it is medically necessary he needs to make time for it in the way he would make time to take his medicine. Not be given extra free time at your expense. Whatever he does during his current free time is what goes first.

The only time I have expected my husband to make the family time for me to exercise was from 6-12 weeks postpartum when restoring core strength was a time-limited medical priority, that, if ignored, would lead to lifetime change in body. Unless your DH recently gave birth or has been told he needs to lose X lbs to qualify for a surgical intervention, I don’t see his argument.

Where are you getting this but about the “husbands premise”? Seems like you’re reading in stuff that isn’t there.

Because he’s the one with the medical issue he’s expecting extra bonus free time as a reward for continued snacking? I don’t get saying he gets more of the family resources to devote to a condition he has caused himself, because where does it end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90% of weight management is diet, so the argument is futile. For health purposes, exercise together. Put that baby or toddler in a carrier and go hiking at Great Falls for 15 miles.

This really is it. Exercise isn’t going to solve the weight issue, so separate discussions about weight from those about exercise. You both need to exercise in order to be healthy, but that can be as little as the 7-minute HIIT workout, or family walks. If you both are overweight you probably need to work on your meal planning, and that is also something you can do together rather than having your needs at cross purposes.

My guess is you and your spouse are locked in that awful stage in parenting where the kids are really small and you each feel like you do more than your fair share of work and have less than your fair share of time off. My spouse felt so overwhelmed and desperate during that time that even though he knew I got much less free time than he did he was terribly selfish in hoarding whatever free time he could get (it embarrasses him to remember that now). Do your best to have empathy for each other and help each other get what you need. Try very hard not to make it a zero sum game, because the resentment will eat your marriage for lunch.

[Anonymous]

How about you both eat less and alternate exercise days. Surprise, all you have to do to lose weight is eat less AND exercise, heck even eating fewer calories will do it, just a tip.

[Anonymous]

OP again. lol why are you guys so mean? Like why call our excuses “BS” when I haven’t shared them? I’m asking an innocent, light question about how to break a tie, and you all are angrily telling me that there is no tie to be had and, besides, we suck.

I’m not mad or as defensive as I may sound; I’m just mystified by the aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. lol why are you guys so mean? Like why call our excuses “BS” when I haven’t shared them? I’m asking an innocent, light question about how to break a tie, and you all are angrily telling me that there is no tie to be had and, besides, we suck.

I’m not mad or as defensive as I may sound; I’m just mystified by the aggression.

Because the fact that both of you want to get into better shape, yet possibly can’t find any time to is BS. Either make it a priority or don’t. If your schedule is the issue adjust the schedule.

You haven’t answered why you both can’t find 30 minutes, hell get one of the seven minute workout apps, in a day to workout together or separate.

And by the way I am someone who had the same mindset as you. Then I acknowledge that my excuses were all BS. So yes I am calling you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. lol why are you guys so mean? Like why call our excuses “BS” when I haven’t shared them? I’m asking an innocent, light question about how to break a tie, and you all are angrily telling me that there is no tie to be had and, besides, we suck.

I’m not mad or as defensive as I may sound; I’m just mystified by the aggression.

I’m the poster who literally called BS on your post. It’s funny how you haven’t shared what the constraints are. What specifically prevents both of you from working out? Pretty much everyone here is working outside the home, commuting and juggling the many demands of raising kids. And many have figured it out where both partners can work out. But you’re determined to say that option is out without entertaining the notion that with some changes you might both be able to get what you want. That’s why you’re get called out by me and others on your BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. lol why are you guys so mean? Like why call our excuses “BS” when I haven’t shared them? I’m asking an innocent, light question about how to break a tie, and you all are angrily telling me that there is no tie to be had and, besides, we suck.

I’m not mad or as defensive as I may sound; I’m just mystified by the aggression.

I agree that people on DCUM are unnecessarily mean and more interested in passing judgement than actually helping.

I remember I was told to “wake up early” when I wanted time to workout with a baby, so I did. I was so sleep deprived after weeks of keeping it up, it’s amazing I didn’t kill anyone while driving or the baby.

But, I do agree that your diet is way way WAY more important than exercise for both your health and weight. Fix the diet first, otherwise you’re stressing out over this for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Losing weight doesn’t really take any time. Because it’s about NOT doing something you are currently doing, namely overeating. You might need to spend some time learning how have and cook healthier meals, but otherwise it doesn’t take any time.