What's worse -- no "optional" essay or a bad "optional" essay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a first year college student here.

Last year at this time, my kid was so burned out; by the time she was on her last college application, her essay was pretty weak. She also thought it was good, but IMO she had missed the point of the question.

We went round and round but she was "done," psychologically. It was a safety school for her, but due to the uncertainty of how covid was affecting admissions, I was really nervous.

I ended up negotiating with her to allow me to edit it. And I sent it in.

I'm sick of sanctimonious parents going on about how our kids should do it all themselves, as if this is some life lesson. Maybe their kid is amazing, and/or maybe their kid is applying to ONE college (like, CA students applying only to the UC system).

But IMO the "usual" college application process is in a nuclear-arms-race and our kids are caught in the middle. It's complete BS to think that all kids can do this *well* all on their own while dealing with a full courseload. The lesson should not be "do it all yourselves, even though the "game" is BS." The lesson should be, "do your best and find help if you need it"

So… cheating other, potentially more academically prepared kids, out of a spot because you perceive admissions to be a “nuclear arms race” is OK in your book? Why not just cut out the middle man and bribe the admissions committee?

+100
I sincerely hope adcoms can tell when a parent has taken over an essay. I can't even believe some of these posts.

Top PP here. What about "edit" = "taken over"? What about "edit" = "cheating"? What about "edit" = one step short of bribing the admissions committee

I think you guys should write essays--you certainly have the dramatic flair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

You are essentially saying it is their decision to drive or not while already drunk and that you shouldn't stop them. (Your bad metaphor, not mine)

This is DEFINITELY bad parenting.

I know you mean well, but... wait, I don't think you mean well, actually.

If you see your kid in the middle of making a huge mistake, try and get them to not make it, despite what tough love caps guy says.

[Anonymous]

When the entire system is corrupt, you are doing your kid a disservice by not helping them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

You are essentially saying it is their decision to drive or not while already drunk and that you shouldn't stop them. (Your bad metaphor, not mine)

This is DEFINITELY bad parenting.

I know you mean well, but... wait, I don't think you mean well, actually.

If you see your kid in the middle of making a huge mistake, try and get them to not make it, despite what tough love caps guy says.

Writing the essay for them =/= getting them not to make the mistake.

[Anonymous]

My kid didn’t do any optional essays or “why X” essays for college or grad school. Accepted to 2 pretty significant reach schools for undergrad (and 6 of 7 colleges applied to) and also got into a few top 10 grad programs with same “no extra BS” approach. To be honest, more surprised about the undergrad outcome than the grad outcome which included even more prestigious schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.

1) you should not write your kid's essay
2) Understand, there are hundreds if not thousands of kids who are taking the time to write a good essay.

Actions have consequences. If your kid doesn't want to do it, and they don't get in, then so be it. If they want to submit the crappy essay, let them. At least they will know a parent probably didn't write it.

100%. This is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

OP, if the issue is partly that you are her mom, what about getting someone else to read it and offer some notes? I know it is late, but maybe you have a friend w/ and Eng degree? Our neighbor did that for us.

Also, if she is burnt out, does she have any fluff classes that could be missed? Mine has an assessment for a UK school today in addition to more essays for US schools. I am letting her stay home rather than picking up early because she'd be missing PE and another fluff class. Sleeping in or getting out early, or a long lunch w/ you buying at a treat place might just help her over the hump! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Here is what I find reasonable:

Kid writes a crappy optional essay. Kid lets you read it. You say, "Larla, it's not bad, but it could use a little work. Want me to make some suggestions?" Kid says yes, you give it a gentle edit; or kid says no, you back off and let them face the consequences.

OR, yes, you ask an outsider to offer some comments. Pay them.

That's it. You can be a very supportive parent without writing their essays for them or paying hundreds of dollars to a content farm.

[Anonymous]

Unless it’s offensive, I’d submit a subpar optional rather than skipping it. They’re probably using it to predict yield and I it might not be a big influencer otherwise. Of course, it’s much better if it’s good but I wouldn’t skip.

[Anonymous]

I know when we visited WM, they flat out said their “optional” essay isn’t really optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe how many of you have not taught kids that their decisions have consequences. And that they will have to live with those consequences (be it an HIV infection, drunk driving crash, etc). In a matter of months they will be on their own.

You are DEFINITELY not serving them well.

I know you mean well, but this is not a good way to parent.

You are essentially saying it is their decision to drive or not while already drunk and that you shouldn't stop them. (Your bad metaphor, not mine)

This is DEFINITELY bad parenting.

I know you mean well, but... wait, I don't think you mean well, actually.

If you see your kid in the middle of making a huge mistake, try and get them to not make it, despite what tough love caps guy says.

Writing the essay for them =/= getting them not to make the mistake.

Assuming you are PP, your post said nothing about writing the essay for them, and in fact referred explicitly to their "decisions" and added a drunk driving metaphor for emphasis.

Move the goalposts if you like, but I stand behind my response to it 100% regardless. "Tough Guy Parenting" is the refuge of those who have never been parents or are too lazy to be good ones.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, I think a bad essay is better than none, assuming there are no glaring spelling or grammar errors and the student generally answers the prompt.

[Anonymous]

OP, just a head's up that I got into my top choice schools with an essay my parents thought was bad but I thought was okay. I refused to change it because I liked what I'd written. Apparently it was good enough for the admissions department. If you want to give your daughter feedback on *why* you think it's bad (too purple? too boring?) it's on her to fix it, but just saying "you need to try harder" when she thinks it's good is a bit ridiculous. And her submitting something you think is bad is definitely not necessary the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

+ 1 on the amount of essay and also SAT cheating that goes on regarding students coming in other countries, though. I have several family members and friends in the foreign service and working in global business, and the amount of their stories on this over the years is unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

A bad optional essay is better, but seriously, you can't do a quick revision?