6th grade boy - meltdown over all homework

[Anonymous]

Complaining is normal. A 2 hour meltdown over a quick assignment is not. I’d talk to the teacher and/or counselor and see if an evaluation is warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is in 6th grade and they get time in school to finish homework. All he does at home is study for tests. Point being there is probably more going on with time management, feeling overwhelmed, not feeling able to complete the assignments independently, maybe not keeping up with some material as it’s being taught, etc.

I have been struck this year that my kid never has homework but now talking to other parents I realize some do and some don’t. Some kids manage their time well at school and get it done there and others struggle to do so.

Op here - same. The only work at home is studying and special projects, which this was. He uses time at school to his advantage so that he can spend time at home doing things he wants to do. We have made that clear and he is generally choosing the appropriate use of time. The lack of actual homework is stunning to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I am SO patient to a point. Quiet, calm, supportive, helpful. I sit with him at the table if that’s what he wants. I make suggestions, recommendations, offer guidance, like I really can’t think of a better way to approach it. But when he gets defiant and starts screaming, it is really challenging to keep my cool.

You need to talk to him at a homework-free time and say you've noticed he's been getting frustrated, but what you've been doing doesn't seem to be helping. Take a cue from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" and write down every idea he has for what to do.

Then say your goal is for him to be self-reliant, and on the way there is "Not getting screamed at about his homework." Which solutions will help?

[Anonymous]

Ignore the awful people, don't know what they get out of posting mean things like that but they can go sit with their sticks up their asses with enjoy their perfect children.

Middle school is a rough transition. I'm sure there are kids who just chug along and take it all in stride, but adolescence is hard (13 and 14 are THE WORST) and changing schools is hard and the pandemic is hard and its no wonder kids are melting down. Adults are melting down all over the place, people are quitting their jobs right and left! But we don't let the kids quit.

I got two boys through middle school, one before the pandemic and one during and....yeah, I get it. Two things that helped (besides ADHD meds, including an afternoon booster for one -- neither of them needed meds until 5th/6th grade but it saved all of our lives in middle/high school) were an executive skills coach--which is like a tutor but not for subject matter, for organization--and a non-home place to do homework-- we used Lindner on Lee Highway.

Both are $$ but we found that doing it for a year made a difference and we wished we had sucked it up and done it earlier with each kid. And both resisted (e.g., hated it) but after a while -- although they would never say so to us -- were calmer and happier because they were less stressed and getting better grades so confidence and self-esteem were back to normal. It also lets you just be a parent and not a taskmaster or teacher--part of it is they don't want to listen to mom, but they will still listen to other authorities. And you'll have more energy and patience for dealing with the regular adolescent stuff.

We also found that sometimes a subject matter tutor--lots of APS teachers tutor after hours, online, and the schools will send you a list--can help if a kid is stressed out because of one or two classes. If they "don't get" the way a certain teacher teachers, which happens in middle school, they are adjusting to having multiple teachers in multiple subjects--having a tutor help them untangle the one subject they are struggling in can also help them be less stressed overall and make the rest of their work go easier because they don't have math or English or whatever hanging over their head all the time.

[Anonymous]

This describes my child exactly. He is in 7th now. We just endured an hour of whining, shouting, and banging things for about 20 minutes worth of homework. It's always been like this. No suggestions on how to fix it; it sucks. But we're right there with you. Hoping someday he'll grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Break him out of this now

[Anonymous]

Structure, structure, structure. Find as consistent a time as possible to do the work. Sit with him. Break tasks down into reasonable steps (cut up worksheets or cover parts of the assignment if you have to so he doesn't get overwhelmed visually). Talk to his teacher about how he responds when given assignments in the classroom. Make sure he's had a snack.

One of my kids did this, but in 3rd grade. It was frustrating but he just needed a lot of support.

This last year and a half has been HARD for so many kids. Teachers are regularly stating that many of their students are behind socially and emotionally, don't have the stamina for school work that they should have, and don't have the classroom skills they should - on top of any other negative impacts from the pandemic.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

One idea might be to set a time (I'd say 15 or 20 min at the beginning, 10 if things are really bad). If DS works for that amount of time, anything he doesn't finish you will send to the teacher with a note saying he couldn't finish it in the allotted time. You can get the teacher in on this (Hopefully. I was a teacher and would have been okay with this). It's possible that if he knows he'll only have to try for 15 min, he'll work for that amount of time. Once he's able to do that and realizes it's not the end of the world, you could increase the time or add a break + second 10 or 15 minute work period if he's not finishing in the given time period.

Some say that by 6th grade a student should have 60 minutes of homework, but I think that's completely inappropriate and I don't know many 6th graders who would be able to handle 60 minutes of work after a full school day. I'd say 15-30 minutes of homework seems more reasonable, but I would encourage spending either some of that "homework" time or additional time doing reading of some sort.