6th grade boy - meltdown over all homework

[Anonymous]

What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

OP- I think this is a symptom of something larger that is going on. How are things socially for your child? Any big changes in at home? What feedback have you gotten back from teachers? Is it the right school environment for your child?

IF you think you may need a full neuropsych I would recommend MindWell. Both my kids were evaluated there and we were happy with the entire process.

[Anonymous]

What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

+1 (but schools are well aware of this issue and we are getting massive pressure from above to improve test scores ASAP).

OP, I would suggest following the suggestions of the PP who said to sit down and break things into tasks to model for your son what work needs to be done and how to break it into manageable chunks. I would go one step further if he is still in ES and ask the teacher if you can set a 60 minute time limit on homework to make it more manageable for him, and inch the time up over a few weeks--it would be a temporary measure to stop the emotional spiral he's getting caught in. He's likely ramping up emotionally before the homework ever starts because it's become a pattern. If he's in MS, start tracking the workload with each class and if there's one or two classes that are really setting him off, I'd have the same convo with the teachers. If you can't sit with him, a tutor is a good solution. He needs modeling of how to make tasks manageable. If that doesn't reduce the meltdowns, move on to do an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he required to do homework in elementary school?

If not, congrats on the monster you created. Enjoy!

There is always going to be a first year that kids have to start doing homework. Lots of them roll with it. Most don't have meltdowns.

OP, what happens if you just say, "Fine, it's your homework and it's your grade"?

I'm not sure if immature snakiness is the best approach. I'd at least try a calm, age appropriate discussion in a positive, helpful tone to try to understand more about how he's feeling and then try to devise a stuctured plan together.

[Anonymous]

*snarkiness

[Anonymous]

My son is in 6th grade and they get time in school to finish homework. All he does at home is study for tests. Point being there is probably more going on with time management, feeling overwhelmed, not feeling able to complete the assignments independently, maybe not keeping up with some material as it’s being taught, etc.

I have been struck this year that my kid never has homework but now talking to other parents I realize some do and some don’t. Some kids manage their time well at school and get it done there and others struggle to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

OP- I think this is a symptom of something larger that is going on. How are things socially for your child? Any big changes in at home? What feedback have you gotten back from teachers? Is it the right school environment for your child?

IF you think you may need a full neuropsych I would recommend MindWell. Both my kids were evaluated there and we were happy with the entire process.

The problem is it’s now getting near to halfway through the school year and lots of kids are doing fine and ready to learn. They’re not going to slow down the academics any more. They already pressed pause. The beginning of the year was slooooooow. They are going to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

OP- I think this is a symptom of something larger that is going on. How are things socially for your child? Any big changes in at home? What feedback have you gotten back from teachers? Is it the right school environment for your child?

IF you think you may need a full neuropsych I would recommend MindWell. Both my kids were evaluated there and we were happy with the entire process.

Kids have not missed two years of school except if they chose not to participate. So much academics has been lost on the social emotional nonsense. Get your kid help and stop hurting our kids but neglecting their needs and expecting schools to parent them.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do you react when he melts down? If you're helping him, soothing, or bargaining with him, you're feeding the beast.

These kids haven't had homework in a while. He needs to be told to sit down, make a list of what they have, and tackle something. When that's done, check it off, take a 3 minute break and tackle the next item. All while you go about whatever you need to do.

You might take this weekend to reset thing. Tell him to prepare to get his homework done efficiently this week. Discuss how you expect him to handle it and how you behave. Talk about what he gets to do when he's done with his work. (In our house, there are no personal screens until your work is done.) We do have one kid who needs a few minutes of physical activity before the work gets done, but he can reliably get his time in playing basketball/shooting on the rebounder and then come do his work.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Homework sucked when I was a kid and it sucks now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

OP- I think this is a symptom of something larger that is going on. How are things socially for your child? Any big changes in at home? What feedback have you gotten back from teachers? Is it the right school environment for your child?

IF you think you may need a full neuropsych I would recommend MindWell. Both my kids were evaluated there and we were happy with the entire process.

Kids have not missed two years of school except if they chose not to participate. So much academics has been lost on the social emotional nonsense. Get your kid help and stop hurting our kids but neglecting their needs and expecting schools to parent them.

Social emotional nonsense? Are you kidding me? I hope to God you’re not a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he required to do homework in elementary school?

If not, congrats on the monster you created. Enjoy!

There is always going to be a first year that kids have to start doing homework. Lots of them roll with it. Most don't have meltdowns.

OP, what happens if you just say, "Fine, it's your homework and it's your grade"?

I'm not sure if immature snakiness is the best approach. I'd at least try a calm, age appropriate discussion in a positive, helpful tone to try to understand more about how he's feeling and then try to devise a stuctured plan together.

PP you're quoting, and it's possible to say this without snark. It's what we did with our (neurotypical) kids, and they learned to handle things on their own. But I genuinely don't know if natural consequences will work for OP's son, which is why I asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Homework sucked when I was a kid and it sucks now.

+100 Yup!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he required to do homework in elementary school?

If not, congrats on the monster you created. Enjoy!

There is always going to be a first year that kids have to start doing homework. Lots of them roll with it. Most don't have meltdowns.

OP, what happens if you just say, "Fine, it's your homework and it's your grade"?

OP here. My son has always done the homework required of him but the pandemic removed all homework for 1.5 years. He cares very much about his grades but will get to a point on an individual assignment, for example, that he will just throw up his hands out of frustration and not do it. He is an all A and B student at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What everyone seems to forget is that kids have missed basically almost 2 years of school. This child hasn’t been in school since 4th grade and now is trying to navigate MS emotionally, socially and academically. Schools need to press the pause button on academics and foster the social/emotional needs of their students because they will not learn until they feel safe and cared for at school.

OP- I think this is a symptom of something larger that is going on. How are things socially for your child? Any big changes in at home? What feedback have you gotten back from teachers? Is it the right school environment for your child?

IF you think you may need a full neuropsych I would recommend MindWell. Both my kids were evaluated there and we were happy with the entire process.

Kids have not missed two years of school except if they chose not to participate. So much academics has been lost on the social emotional nonsense. Get your kid help and stop hurting our kids but neglecting their needs and expecting schools to parent them.

Social emotional nonsense? Are you kidding me? I hope to God you’re not a teacher.

Hi OP here. Thank you for the thoughtful response. I have not done a neuropsych eval but maybe should consider it. Thanks for the suggestion. Socially he is probably behind other boys his age. No concerns from teachers and they say he operates with very high executive functioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you react when he melts down? If you're helping him, soothing, or bargaining with him, you're feeding the beast.

These kids haven't had homework in a while. He needs to be told to sit down, make a list of what they have, and tackle something. When that's done, check it off, take a 3 minute break and tackle the next item. All while you go about whatever you need to do.

You might take this weekend to reset thing. Tell him to prepare to get his homework done efficiently this week. Discuss how you expect him to handle it and how you behave. Talk about what he gets to do when he's done with his work. (In our house, there are no personal screens until your work is done.) We do have one kid who needs a few minutes of physical activity before the work gets done, but he can reliably get his time in playing basketball/shooting on the rebounder and then come do his work.

Good luck!

Op here. I am SO patient to a point. Quiet, calm, supportive, helpful. I sit with him at the table if that’s what he wants. I make suggestions, recommendations, offer guidance, like I really can’t think of a better way to approach it. But when he gets defiant and starts screaming, it is really challenging to keep my cool.