Ethically non monogamous / open marriage / polyamorous / monogamish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

DP. This, and emotionally I think at most I could handle one other serious relationship. I wouldn’t be interested in playing the field. But exploring another relationship deeply, that seems like it could be good if no one involved had jealousy.

[Anonymous]

I'm single. I went through a period where I dated mostly men in open marriages. They were all pretentious AF and, though each of their primary relationships and situations was very different, they all seemed exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

+1

Use condoms for intercourse. The main things that transmit from unprotected oral are treatable with antibiotics. Testing frequently is a good idea and not very inconvenient. There are at home tests that are convenient but rarely covered by insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many guys on Bumble dating app are ENM (ethically non-monogamish) - so many that I think there should be a separate platform for them because it is an automatic left swipe for me and I don't even want to see those profiles.

You should suggest Bumble make it a thing you can filter. OKcupid does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm single. I went through a period where I dated mostly men in open marriages. They were all pretentious AF and, though each of their primary relationships and situations was very different, they all seemed exhausting.

+1000

These threads pop up on here periodically but my feeling is always the same. I've known a number of open marriages and people who are committed to polyamory, and they are universally exhausting people. In different ways, but across the board. I don't know if they are high maintenance people in general and being polyamorous is part of that (like maybe they need more attention/love/affection and can't get it all from one person), or if being polyamorous and the attendant logistical challenges it poses just makes them into kind of tedious, high-maintenance people. Like when a longtime friend gets obsessed with doing triathlons and eating paleo and it becomes all they talk about and dictates how you interact with them. Either way, the poly/open marriage people I know are among my highest maintenance friends.

[Anonymous]

Treading carefully here, but I have two friends from college that have an established three-way marriage/relationship - both are LGBTQ. Is this practice more acceptable in that community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

+1

Use condoms for intercourse. The main things that transmit from unprotected oral are treatable with antibiotics. Testing frequently is a good idea and not very inconvenient. There are at home tests that are convenient but rarely covered by insurance.

What?! No. Herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

+1

Use condoms for intercourse. The main things that transmit from unprotected oral are treatable with antibiotics. Testing frequently is a good idea and not very inconvenient. There are at home tests that are convenient but rarely covered by insurance.

What?! No. Herpes.

Lots of people already have HSV antibodies, and viral suppressants work well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

DP. This, and emotionally I think at most I could handle one other serious relationship. I wouldn’t be interested in playing the field. But exploring another relationship deeply, that seems like it could be good if no one involved had jealousy.

I posted that DH and I swing, but I think another serious relationship would be hard. What would you do if they got seriously ill or died? Would you expect your spouse to support you in your grief? Would you visit them in the hospital with their wife and children or extended family present?
I had a FWB as a young woman, and I engaged in threesomes with his fiancée, then wife. He was military and was killed in Afghanistan. His wife didn’t want me at the memorial (of course), and I had to deal on my own. It was hard. And I wouldn’t even describe that as a serious relationship.

Or what if you just break up? Breaking up is painful. Who would you talk to about it? Your friends? Your spouse?
And even good things could be hard. What if they have a big event in their lives that they want to celebrate with you, but it conflicts with something in your family?

I feel like I am already pulled in so many directions as a working mom and wife. I couldn’t add another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treading carefully here, but I have two friends from college that have an established three-way marriage/relationship - both are LGBTQ. Is this practice more acceptable in that community?

Yes for gay men and IMO they are the only ones who are in shape and good looking; all of the hetero ones I know are old and overweight. I know a lot of lesbian married couples and none of them are in open relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treading carefully here, but I have two friends from college that have an established three-way marriage/relationship - both are LGBTQ. Is this practice more acceptable in that community?

I also know a 2 people (or 6, depending on how you look at it) in three-way marriages. Both of my friends are gay and all three people are the same gender. I feel like it might be more acceptable, or they just knew that any relationship they had wasn’t acceptable (they are Gen-X), and just felt more free to do what felt right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

+1

Use condoms for intercourse. The main things that transmit from unprotected oral are treatable with antibiotics. Testing frequently is a good idea and not very inconvenient. There are at home tests that are convenient but rarely covered by insurance.

What?! No. Herpes.

Lots of people already have HSV antibodies, and viral suppressants work well.

Nope, not a lot of people have genital herpes and I'm sure nobody wants them or wishes to be on lifelong medication. If you are a woman with herpes, you can basically kill your newborn during birth, so that's why obgyns insist on c-section. So no, why would I want horrific breakouts on my genitals, lifelong meds, and extra complications during birth in order to have a ONS with someone else's husband with nothing else to gain other than maybe a pitiful orgasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

Use condoms and insist that your partner does as well.

+1

Use condoms for intercourse. The main things that transmit from unprotected oral are treatable with antibiotics. Testing frequently is a good idea and not very inconvenient. There are at home tests that are convenient but rarely covered by insurance.

What?! No. Herpes.

Lots of people already have HSV antibodies, and viral suppressants work well.

Nope, not a lot of people have genital herpes and I'm sure nobody wants them or wishes to be on lifelong medication. If you are a woman with herpes, you can basically kill your newborn during birth, so that's why obgyns insist on c-section. So no, why would I want horrific breakouts on my genitals, lifelong meds, and extra complications during birth in order to have a ONS with someone else's husband with nothing else to gain other than maybe a pitiful orgasm.

Couldn’t you just both get tested before like any other relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

DP. This, and emotionally I think at most I could handle one other serious relationship. I wouldn’t be interested in playing the field. But exploring another relationship deeply, that seems like it could be good if no one involved had jealousy.

I posted that DH and I swing, but I think another serious relationship would be hard. What would you do if they got seriously ill or died? Would you expect your spouse to support you in your grief? Would you visit them in the hospital with their wife and children or extended family present?
I had a FWB as a young woman, and I engaged in threesomes with his fiancée, then wife. He was military and was killed in Afghanistan. His wife didn’t want me at the memorial (of course), and I had to deal on my own. It was hard. And I wouldn’t even describe that as a serious relationship.

Or what if you just break up? Breaking up is painful. Who would you talk to about it? Your friends? Your spouse?
And even good things could be hard. What if they have a big event in their lives that they want to celebrate with you, but it conflicts with something in your family?

I feel like I am already pulled in so many directions as a working mom and wife. I couldn’t add another one.

Just handle it like closeted gay people handled it for so long. You go to the hospital as a “friend.” You send flowers and cards or whatever instead of showing up in person. There’s a precedent for all this.