Ethically non monogamous / open marriage / polyamorous / monogamish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

This is a good and relevant point. All the open marriages I know are between people who married pretty young, in some cases before they'd even figured out their sexuality. I think it's really different for people who get married in their mid-30s or later. One, I think you're a more fully formed person and much more likely to have longterm sexual compatibility because you both know what you want/need at that point. And number two, you are closer to a point when sex drive tends to drop off quite a bit for both partners, which diminishes interest in polyamory. I married at 36 to someone who was 42 at the time. I'm now early 40s and he's pushing 50. The idea of an open marriage is laughable. Neither of us has the drive. But it would be different if we'd married at 24/30. I'd be early 30s now, he wouldn't even be 40. Incredibly different sexual interests and needs.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my FIL and his wife. They are old, yucky, rich, and conservative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

This is a good and relevant point. All the open marriages I know are between people who married pretty young, in some cases before they'd even figured out their sexuality. I think it's really different for people who get married in their mid-30s or later. One, I think you're a more fully formed person and much more likely to have longterm sexual compatibility because you both know what you want/need at that point. And number two, you are closer to a point when sex drive tends to drop off quite a bit for both partners, which diminishes interest in polyamory. I married at 36 to someone who was 42 at the time. I'm now early 40s and he's pushing 50. The idea of an open marriage is laughable. Neither of us has the drive. But it would be different if we'd married at 24/30. I'd be early 30s now, he wouldn't even be 40. Incredibly different sexual interests and needs.

People change, too. Relationships go through stages where they may or may not be meeting the same needs they met earlier. If you’re really stagnating with someone, connecting to new people could help feed those needs so you can keep growing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of DH’s old fraternity buddies has a permanent hall pass. His wife has lost all interest in sex and she gave him one. Despite having permission for years, he hasn’t acted with it because he doesn’t want to deal with the inevitable can of worms it may open up. He’s smart.

It seems far more likely to me that (1) that's just what your DH is telling you or that (2) the friend can't attract anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

The majority of enm and swinger i saw on tinder and the other professionals who are e n m are in their 40s and 50s so there goes your point. Will Smith and Jada are also in their 40s and swing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

The majority of enm and swinger i saw on tinder and the other professionals who are e n m are in their 40s and 50s so there goes your point. Will Smith and Jada are also in their 40s and swing.

NP. You sound like you’re making the same point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

The majority of enm and swinger i saw on tinder and the other professionals who are e n m are in their 40s and 50s so there goes your point. Will Smith and Jada are also in their 40s and swing.

No, they are in their 50s. Same with Musk. It's much more common in the old, 50+ crowd than for young people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

More like, the person you decide to have a family with when you’re in your 20s might not be the same or only person you need in your 40s or 50s.

The majority of enm and swinger i saw on tinder and the other professionals who are e n m are in their 40s and 50s so there goes your point. Will Smith and Jada are also in their 40s and swing.

No, they are in their 50s. Same with Musk. It's much more common in the old, 50+ crowd than for young people.

As someone who has been active in the BDSM scene for 30 years, I can tell you that for women polyamory is evenly distributed across all ages.

[Anonymous]

Many guys on Bumble dating app are ENM (ethically non-monogamish) - so many that I think there should be a separate platform for them because it is an automatic left swipe for me and I don't even want to see those profiles.

[Anonymous]

We swing sometimes.
It has made my husband a much more devoted husband and father to see that other men want to sleep with me and enjoy having sex with me.

No one we know has any idea. We never do it in the city we live in and don’t use our real names.

[Anonymous]

Josh Duggar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My marriage was open at the insistence of my spouse, but just for me when sex became to difficult for them. It worked out great. Much better than I could have imagined.

Because they did it out of love for you, which is probably different than the reasons most people have to open their marriage.

Yes, it was totally out of love for me. Wasn't my idea at all and I didn't think it would work, but it did.

[Anonymous]

I am open to it but I worry about STDs, honestly.

[Anonymous]

I have never known a case where this type of arrangement worked out in the end. Usually resulting in acrimonious divorce eventually.