Feeling Sad About Breakup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I feeling sad sometimes about a recent breakup? was dating someone I really liked. It was not long-term. We were only seeing each other for about four months. But I have days where I just am sad or will have a moment where I am sad. As an example, I went out somewhere tonight and passed a cafe where we had our first date, and I was suddenly sad. I was not as sad about ending a 23 year marriage as I am over this at times. And last Monday, I was actually depressed. I snapped out of it by the afternoon, but I cannot figure out what is happening. What, exactly, am I sad about? At first, when she told me she wanted to end out dating life, I felt rejected. I don't feel that anymore. Maybe it is just missing someone who was there, with whom I was intimate emotionally and physically and now they are not?

I'm sorry you feel sad. It's very normal. I'm not sure what is confusing about it. I'd think most people feel sad after a breakup.
But FYI, depression doesn't last half a day. Please don't minimize what can be a crippling, chronic problem. Sadness is not depression.

Feeling depressed is not the same as having clinical depression. I didn’t mean to minimize the suffering of those with clinical depression.

[Anonymous]

I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a woman.

Yes. She said she has 'cried on and off'. That is very atypical for a man.

Actually, on average men take longer to get over a break up than women.

I've read that. I think maybe it is because women initiate break ups more often (I'm basing this on nothing, can cite nothing, just making the assumption), they've had time to process it BEFORE the break up.

And OP, don't try to recuccitate the relationship. You broke up for a reason. Don't try to revive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a woman.

Yes. She said she has 'cried on and off'. That is very atypical for a man.

Actually, on average men take longer to get over a break up than women.

I've read that. I think maybe it is because women initiate break ups more often (I'm basing this on nothing, can cite nothing, just making the assumption), they've had time to process it BEFORE the break up.

And OP, don't try to recuccitate the relationship. You broke up for a reason. Don't try to revive it.

Thank you. I will not. I just think we had two different visions, and maybe I was pressuring her into a relationship. It is gone now. I am fine with it. But she is still such a lovely and beautiful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

This is interesting and I'd like to understand more about it. I am learning more about loving myself fully and not looking for someone else to "complete me." That is one of the dumbest lines in film history, and yet people gush over it. I bet they got divorced later.

I am really enthused with writing of Rilke and especially his thoughts on solitude and love. “Love consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other. ”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a woman.

Yes. She said she has 'cried on and off'. That is very atypical for a man.

Actually, on average men take longer to get over a break up than women.

Women are over it as soon as they find someone who they perceive is "better." Usually measured in less than a week.

Um, speak for yourself. It has been years. He is irreplaceable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

Why did you break up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

I don’t understand your psychologist at all. That seems like an incredibly hurtful thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a woman.

Yes. She said she has 'cried on and off'. That is very atypical for a man.

Actually, on average men take longer to get over a break up than women.

I've read that. I think maybe it is because women initiate break ups more often (I'm basing this on nothing, can cite nothing, just making the assumption), they've had time to process it BEFORE the break up.

And OP, don't try to recuccitate the relationship. You broke up for a reason. Don't try to revive it.

Thank you. I will not. I just think we had two different visions, and maybe I was pressuring her into a relationship. It is gone now. I am fine with it. But she is still such a lovely and beautiful person.

Again I don’t get this. If you love her, go get her. What are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

PP here. I was not feeling alone when I met him. It's not the same thing. I did not think I was incapable of finding love either...I just was not interested...until I was well into the relationship. It was not sinking for a long time. It was fine one day and the next day it was over. Your situation and mine were not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

I don’t understand your psychologist at all. That seems like an incredibly hurtful thing to say.

+1. Agree ...that was probably not accurate and a crappy thing to suggest or say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

Why did you break up?

His family did not want to accept our relationship and he wanted to get married. (I don't want to remarry.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your shoes. I had a 7-month relationship last year that ended around January 1, 2021. We stopped speaking in March. It has taken me most of this year to get over it. I am over it now. But I was still missing him even as recently as August.

I had no issue with getting divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage. I found the breakup to be far harder than a divorce...there was nothing there. I really liked the 7-month guy. I think it was because I was starting to fall in love and I did not think I could ever do that again. To have that end abruptly was very, very hard. I also felt that I had been a fool for trusting again. It's hard. I get it. Give it more time.

I was dating someone for just over a year when it ended badly and we never spoke again. It was pretty obvious in the last couple of months that it was sinking. Yet, I was devastated for a long time. A psychologist told me, "maybe you were taking a break from yourself".

Maybe in your case it was the same thing. We meet someone who is generally attractive with good personality traits and it takes us away from feeling alone or incapable of finding love. Then when it ends, it's like a bomb dropped.

I don’t understand your psychologist at all. That seems like an incredibly hurtful thing to say.

+1. Agree ...that was probably not accurate and a crappy thing to suggest or say.

I wrote that and it is difficult to explain the overall context. Had all kinds of changes going on in my life and the ex was like a life raft. Could forgot about my problems for a while and have good things happen. It had been a somewhat long dry spell before that person came along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a woman.

Yes. She said she has 'cried on and off'. That is very atypical for a man.

so is yoga

I am a man and I do yoga. I do it to complement the other parts of my exercise regimen - running, weights, swimming and cycling - to stretch my muscles and ligaments as well as calm my mind. And for for what it's worth, men are emotional beings just as woman are and we do cry. So stop with the shaming on that. It's why so many men are emotionally f**ked up, because our society and their mothers tell them things like "big boys don't cry." Now, when my father died, I did not cry at the funeral. I held it all in and together because I did not want to be part of all the wailing women - esp. my aunts - who were there. It was particularly hard to do that when the firing party fired the 21 gun salute and then the bugler played taps. Three months later I was in the shower, and the tears just flowed and flowed.

So many women just do not understand men.

+100, toxic masculinity is enforced by women sometime. You sound lovely. Sorry about your father.

Thanks. It happens to be all of us eventually.