Was this abuse? I need to process what happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Going through divorce is very up and down.

Over time, getting away from this guy will be more up, than down.

[Anonymous]

It's not abuse every time a woman doesn't like what a man has to say.

[Anonymous]

The fact it irked you that you made more than him in the beginning was a red flag for me at the start. My spouse makes double what I make and isn’t irked by this. This probably started a lot of resentment on both sides. I would think it went downhill from there…….. but him name calling is emotional abuse imo.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? You’re out. There’s no need to discuss this with him. You’ll never change his mind or get him to apologize. Talk about it to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes he’s emotionally and psychologically abusive and is gaslighting you now by trying to rewrite history as you the Bad Guy.

Lots of books in this. But get through the divorce and only do short emails or texts with him. Good riddance.

You are hearing one side of this, you can’t know this is true.

OP, I don’t think you need to spend time thinking this through, other than in terms of what makes you feel good, healthy, empowered so you can set the right parameters in future relationships.

Yes, I need to process it to kind of have a story to tell myself, if you know what I mean? I am very confused tbh. He is not a classic abuser, but not a completely sane, mature person as well. I am trying to make sense of our relationship in very general terms, like on a resume. Married Larlo, had a child, it didn’t work out as we both made mistakes and we split? Or was it that Larlo suddenly turned abusive with a change in circumstance and I had to end it?

So you want to rewrite history to remove your own behavior and agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see abuse here. I see a lot if mutual resentment and unmet expectations around money. This is very very common in relationships. It’s not abuse to be unable to meet a partner’s expectations about money or to have different ideas about family financial budgets. It’s very hard when there is not enough $$$$.

Abuse would be a factor if he limited or tried to limit your access to money that did exist or did not allow you to work. But that’s not what you seem to be talking about.

He limited my access to money in the years where he was the breadwinner. I had no access to his account, he would send me a certain amount every month and pay the bills. I could not work for a few years but it wasn’t because he was against it (so I am not sure if it’s relevant).

You initial post said he was on a budget too. You could have got a job if you needed money.