Afraid “exhausted” is my main character trait…

[Anonymous]

That's why you divide up these chores when you get married. My DH loves to cook (I hate it) so he's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. I don't mind laundry so I do all of it. I also iron/steam stuff while watching TV at night. We have a cleaner come once a month. In between, we just talk about what needs to be done and do it. We share a calendar and store lists. As for the kids, I get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare and school and he picks them up. While he makes dinner, he goes through the kid's take-home folders and deals with that stuff. I go through the mail after dinner. We usually alternate sleeping in days on the weekend. Errands (not grocery shopping) are run by me mostly on the way home from work but Amazon has made everything so much easier.

[Anonymous]

I could have written so many of these posts. I don't even know what I need to feel better. I feel so isolated and it's nice to know I'm not the only one who is feeling so blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's why you divide up these chores when you get married. My DH loves to cook (I hate it) so he's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. I don't mind laundry so I do all of it. I also iron/steam stuff while watching TV at night. We have a cleaner come once a month. In between, we just talk about what needs to be done and do it. We share a calendar and store lists. As for the kids, I get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare and school and he picks them up. While he makes dinner, he goes through the kid's take-home folders and deals with that stuff. I go through the mail after dinner. We usually alternate sleeping in days on the weekend. Errands (not grocery shopping) are run by me mostly on the way home from work but Amazon has made everything so much easier.

I'm sure PP is trying to be helpful, but I find this kind of response maddening. DH and I had a great division of labor pre-pandemic, but juggling work and child care and other issues has left us scrambling for a year plus.

Some nights I am too tired to watch TV. Everything exhausts me and it's not a division of labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why you divide up these chores when you get married. My DH loves to cook (I hate it) so he's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. I don't mind laundry so I do all of it. I also iron/steam stuff while watching TV at night. We have a cleaner come once a month. In between, we just talk about what needs to be done and do it. We share a calendar and store lists. As for the kids, I get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare and school and he picks them up. While he makes dinner, he goes through the kid's take-home folders and deals with that stuff. I go through the mail after dinner. We usually alternate sleeping in days on the weekend. Errands (not grocery shopping) are run by me mostly on the way home from work but Amazon has made everything so much easier.

I'm sure PP is trying to be helpful, but I find this kind of response maddening. DH and I had a great division of labor pre-pandemic, but juggling work and child care and other issues has left us scrambling for a year plus.

Some nights I am too tired to watch TV. Everything exhausts me and it's not a division of labor.

Okay but it still all needs to get done. My suggestions are one way to divide it up. None of this means I am not tired but unless you have the money to hire people to do stuff for you, you're going to be tired. I did hire a teen to mow our lawn this summer and I think I'll do it again next year. He was affordable and lived down the street so he always cut it when it was getting long instead of every Thursday or whatever. Money well spent.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that I felt like this. And then I decided to start sleeping more. I went up at 9:30 every night to get ready for bed. And I take a unisom (anxiety was keeping me awake). I wake up at 7am and have slept 9 hours. After a month of this- my whole life had changed! I just felt better and had lost a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why you divide up these chores when you get married. My DH loves to cook (I hate it) so he's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. I don't mind laundry so I do all of it. I also iron/steam stuff while watching TV at night. We have a cleaner come once a month. In between, we just talk about what needs to be done and do it. We share a calendar and store lists. As for the kids, I get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare and school and he picks them up. While he makes dinner, he goes through the kid's take-home folders and deals with that stuff. I go through the mail after dinner. We usually alternate sleeping in days on the weekend. Errands (not grocery shopping) are run by me mostly on the way home from work but Amazon has made everything so much easier.

I'm sure PP is trying to be helpful, but I find this kind of response maddening. DH and I had a great division of labor pre-pandemic, but juggling work and child care and other issues has left us scrambling for a year plus.

Some nights I am too tired to watch TV. Everything exhausts me and it's not a division of labor.

Okay but it still all needs to get done. My suggestions are one way to divide it up. None of this means I am not tired but unless you have the money to hire people to do stuff for you, you're going to be tired. I did hire a teen to mow our lawn this summer and I think I'll do it again next year. He was affordable and lived down the street so he always cut it when it was getting long instead of every Thursday or whatever. Money well spent.

Right, but people on this thread aren't complaining about too much to do or bad divisions of labor. They are complaining about never-ending exhaustion. Suggesting a better division of labor would solve this misses the point in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP. It’s like all the reserves I had that got me through the hustle and bustle of being a working mom just got absolutely depleted. Things are quasi-normal, but my gas tank hasn’t been refilled. I thought I was a fairly energetic/resilient person before. I used to get up at 5:30 am to exercise. Was always tackling house projects. Volunteered at my kids’ school. Etc. And now it takes every ounce of energy I have to do the minimum at work, keep the kids fed/bathed, meal plan, not fall too far behind at laundry. And this is with DH doing more than his share around the house. I am in therapy, but it feels like one more thing to do and I have no idea how to get back to the person I was before COVID. I was such a better mom before March 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why you divide up these chores when you get married. My DH loves to cook (I hate it) so he's in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. I don't mind laundry so I do all of it. I also iron/steam stuff while watching TV at night. We have a cleaner come once a month. In between, we just talk about what needs to be done and do it. We share a calendar and store lists. As for the kids, I get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare and school and he picks them up. While he makes dinner, he goes through the kid's take-home folders and deals with that stuff. I go through the mail after dinner. We usually alternate sleeping in days on the weekend. Errands (not grocery shopping) are run by me mostly on the way home from work but Amazon has made everything so much easier.

I'm sure PP is trying to be helpful, but I find this kind of response maddening. DH and I had a great division of labor pre-pandemic, but juggling work and child care and other issues has left us scrambling for a year plus.

Some nights I am too tired to watch TV. Everything exhausts me and it's not a division of labor.

Okay but it still all needs to get done. My suggestions are one way to divide it up. None of this means I am not tired but unless you have the money to hire people to do stuff for you, you're going to be tired. I did hire a teen to mow our lawn this summer and I think I'll do it again next year. He was affordable and lived down the street so he always cut it when it was getting long instead of every Thursday or whatever. Money well spent.

Okay then. Continue complaining.

Right, but people on this thread aren't complaining about too much to do or bad divisions of labor. They are complaining about never-ending exhaustion. Suggesting a better division of labor would solve this misses the point in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. It’s like all the reserves I had that got me through the hustle and bustle of being a working mom just got absolutely depleted. Things are quasi-normal, but my gas tank hasn’t been refilled. I thought I was a fairly energetic/resilient person before. I used to get up at 5:30 am to exercise. Was always tackling house projects. Volunteered at my kids’ school. Etc. And now it takes every ounce of energy I have to do the minimum at work, keep the kids fed/bathed, meal plan, not fall too far behind at laundry. And this is with DH doing more than his share around the house. I am in therapy, but it feels like one more thing to do and I have no idea how to get back to the person I was before COVID. I was such a better mom before March 2020.

I am in the same boat. I think I’m experiencing deep burn out and don’t know how to recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. It’s like all the reserves I had that got me through the hustle and bustle of being a working mom just got absolutely depleted. Things are quasi-normal, but my gas tank hasn’t been refilled. I thought I was a fairly energetic/resilient person before. I used to get up at 5:30 am to exercise. Was always tackling house projects. Volunteered at my kids’ school. Etc. And now it takes every ounce of energy I have to do the minimum at work, keep the kids fed/bathed, meal plan, not fall too far behind at laundry. And this is with DH doing more than his share around the house. I am in therapy, but it feels like one more thing to do and I have no idea how to get back to the person I was before COVID. I was such a better mom before March 2020.

I am in the same boat. I think I’m experiencing deep burn out and don’t know how to recover.

DP here.. the above PPs really speak to me. I don't know if I will ever recover enough to even think of a second kid and time is not on my side

Obviously worse things in the world but just ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. It’s like all the reserves I had that got me through the hustle and bustle of being a working mom just got absolutely depleted. Things are quasi-normal, but my gas tank hasn’t been refilled. I thought I was a fairly energetic/resilient person before. I used to get up at 5:30 am to exercise. Was always tackling house projects. Volunteered at my kids’ school. Etc. And now it takes every ounce of energy I have to do the minimum at work, keep the kids fed/bathed, meal plan, not fall too far behind at laundry. And this is with DH doing more than his share around the house. I am in therapy, but it feels like one more thing to do and I have no idea how to get back to the person I was before COVID. I was such a better mom before March 2020.

I am in the same boat. I think I’m experiencing deep burn out and don’t know how to recover.

This is OP again. I both appreciate the commiseration and worry a little for all of us (and feel some remaining simmering resentment about how mothers (and some fathers) were expected not only to do it all during the pandemic but also, and this is the kicker for me, to be just fine immediately and seamlessly when the worst subsided).

I have decided to really lean into doing nothing. I forget where I heard it, but something to the effect that - the end of the revolution is not a woman who works but a woman who is well-rested... It just feels like the only way back to something is nothing--quiet, sleep, decent food, moving a bit, rest again. It is surprisingly challenging for me even to get 7 hours of (relatively) uninterrupted sleep, which was my first "goal"... (BTW, I am only setting "goals" these days not goals !)

And because I can't entirely turn my type A brain off, I have been "looking into" this whole idea. Liked the Gretchen Rubin blog (thanks for the suggestion PP) about how it takes energy to actually go to sleep, https://gretchenrubin.com/2013/02/epiphany-it-takes-a-lot-of-energy-to-decide-to-go-to-bed. And reading about revenge scrolling, https://betterhumans.pub/how-i-stopped-revenge-scrolling-and-upgraded-my-habits-343edd6d7f62, and thinking about the link between the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to just blame the pandemic: certainly, I feel like I was just staggering out of the preschool years and then COVID hit—and bam, we’re WAH and zoom-schooling a K & 2nd grader. But things are better now and have been for months and I am just… well, nothing’s going on up there really. Maybe exhaustion is the wrong word, because although I’m sure I don’t get enough sleep, it is more that my mental/emotional bandwidth has gone from huge replenishable volumes—to like 1 inch wide.

We were discussing what our ideal vacation was post-COVID, and all I could come up with was a room on the beach to snooze. Hitting a wall at work and a friend had me brainstorming other possibilities and I was just like, “I don’t know, a sabbatical?” Is this a parenting thing (though it also makes me lamest Mom ever)? A post-pandemic thing? Just a “me” thing – or does anyone else relate? Maybe it could be solved with 1 month straight of sleep but it’s not like that's a realistic solution, so then how to address?

Start with the bolded. It also impacts your mental and emotional health to not be getting enough sleep, especially if you’ve been operating at a sleep deficit for years. Make sleep a priority. What’s stopping you from going to bed earlier or sleeping later? With kids those ages, you should be able to get 8 hour a night.

NP. I get 8 hours of sleep a night and I still feel like OP does. Everything is exhausting. Work, kids, family, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think of a vacation post-Covid, I think "all I want is a week (or a couple days) where nobody needs anything from me." I don't want to get someone a drink of milk, or help with a homework problem, or respond to a work email, or fill out a form, or schedule something, or make any kind of decision at all. Just nothing.

+1

And I don't want all those things waiting for me when I get home either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to just blame the pandemic: certainly, I feel like I was just staggering out of the preschool years and then COVID hit—and bam, we’re WAH and zoom-schooling a K & 2nd grader. But things are better now and have been for months and I am just… well, nothing’s going on up there really. Maybe exhaustion is the wrong word, because although I’m sure I don’t get enough sleep, it is more that my mental/emotional bandwidth has gone from huge replenishable volumes—to like 1 inch wide.

We were discussing what our ideal vacation was post-COVID, and all I could come up with was a room on the beach to snooze. Hitting a wall at work and a friend had me brainstorming other possibilities and I was just like, “I don’t know, a sabbatical?” Is this a parenting thing (though it also makes me lamest Mom ever)? A post-pandemic thing? Just a “me” thing – or does anyone else relate? Maybe it could be solved with 1 month straight of sleep but it’s not like that's a realistic solution, so then how to address?

Start with the bolded. It also impacts your mental and emotional health to not be getting enough sleep, especially if you’ve been operating at a sleep deficit for years. Make sleep a priority. What’s stopping you from going to bed earlier or sleeping later? With kids those ages, you should be able to get 8 hour a night.

NP. I get 8 hours of sleep a night and I still feel like OP does. Everything is exhausting. Work, kids, family, etc.

Yeah I feel like sleep is only the first step to a solution - not the solutions itself…

Y’know how women say they “need a wife” too… as a variant, I feel like I need a Mom too. Like if I could teleport my own Mom from circa 1988 to run my life for two months - and make me dinners from scratch (how??) and tell me to go to bed at 9:30 - that would be awesome.

[Anonymous]

Could it be that we all have depression? That’s what I’m wondering.