Afraid “exhausted” is my main character trait…

[Anonymous]

I’d like to just blame the pandemic: certainly, I feel like I was just staggering out of the preschool years and then COVID hit—and bam, we’re WAH and zoom-schooling a K & 2nd grader. But things are better now and have been for months and I am just… well, nothing’s going on up there really. Maybe exhaustion is the wrong word, because although I’m sure I don’t get enough sleep, it is more that my mental/emotional bandwidth has gone from huge replenishable volumes—to like 1 inch wide.

We were discussing what our ideal vacation was post-COVID, and all I could come up with was a room on the beach to snooze. Hitting a wall at work and a friend had me brainstorming other possibilities and I was just like, “I don’t know, a sabbatical?” Is this a parenting thing (though it also makes me lamest Mom ever)? A post-pandemic thing? Just a “me” thing – or does anyone else relate? Maybe it could be solved with 1 month straight of sleep but it’s not like that's a realistic solution, so then how to address?

[Anonymous]

Me too, OP. Me too. Whenever anyone asks how I'm doing, all I can say is "tired." Parenting is a slog. And I get so much less socialization now that we WFH and I don't see friends as often since the pandemic started. Fewer outlets and opportunities to just de-stress or vent.

I hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Same here. I only have one kid, a 3yo. He's exhausting but he goes to pre-k and I WFH. This article a few months ago really rang true for me: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

Remember, even though things are "better" now than they were at the beginning of the pandemic, we're all still operating at high anxiety and are living very far from our normal lives. We've literally been in the fight part of fight or flight for 1.5 years. That's draining, so don't blame yourself.

You mentioned hitting a wall at work, which I so can empathize with. I sit in meetings and just think about how futile a lot of what I put my effort into really is. I'm considering a radical change of direction but haven't committed yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to just blame the pandemic: certainly, I feel like I was just staggering out of the preschool years and then COVID hit—and bam, we’re WAH and zoom-schooling a K & 2nd grader. But things are better now and have been for months and I am just… well, nothing’s going on up there really. Maybe exhaustion is the wrong word, because although I’m sure I don’t get enough sleep, it is more that my mental/emotional bandwidth has gone from huge replenishable volumes—to like 1 inch wide.

We were discussing what our ideal vacation was post-COVID, and all I could come up with was a room on the beach to snooze. Hitting a wall at work and a friend had me brainstorming other possibilities and I was just like, “I don’t know, a sabbatical?” Is this a parenting thing (though it also makes me lamest Mom ever)? A post-pandemic thing? Just a “me” thing – or does anyone else relate? Maybe it could be solved with 1 month straight of sleep but it’s not like that's a realistic solution, so then how to address?

Start with the bolded. It also impacts your mental and emotional health to not be getting enough sleep, especially if you’ve been operating at a sleep deficit for years. Make sleep a priority. What’s stopping you from going to bed earlier or sleeping later? With kids those ages, you should be able to get 8 hour a night.

[Anonymous]

Same here. The only thing I can’t buy is regular, good sleep. It has affected everything.

[Anonymous]

I think part of it is that we were in crisis mode when we were all WAH and school at home. We just had to get through it, no time to think about it. Now that things are easing up, we can finally feel it all. And what we feel is exhausted.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is me too. I'm exhausted and burned out, disengaged at work, and doing the bare minimum to get by.

[Anonymous]

Smoking pot before bed will help you sleep. It makes all the difference in the world.

[Anonymous]

It's called 'Burned Out'.

Lots of people get burned out creatively and professionally. You're burned out parentally.

The usually solution is to step away from the job or creative field for 6 months to a year. Go on a sabbatical. Do a live, eat, love travel period of your life and go from Indonesia to Russia to Portgual for weeks at a time.

However you can't step away from parenting like that. I know someone who did drop her kids off at her mother's house for 3.5 weeks this summer and went completely no contact except for a facetime every few days.

That you could try out.

[Anonymous]

When I think of a vacation post-Covid, I think "all I want is a week (or a couple days) where nobody needs anything from me." I don't want to get someone a drink of milk, or help with a homework problem, or respond to a work email, or fill out a form, or schedule something, or make any kind of decision at all. Just nothing.

[Anonymous]

Also, we are all understimutated. Too much passive interaction, that was/is necessary, but passive nonetheless. Some of it was a gift, such as WFH, flexibility with clothing choices, reduced interaction with supervisors, but too much makes us reticent and a little underwhelmed.

I love working this way though...not all do.

[Anonymous]

It is a little scary...

It's like I can't even do small talk anymore...

What shows have you been watching? Gosh, I just fall asleep before I even finish 2 episodes!
Books? Ha ha ha ha. What?
Back to FTF work yet? God no. Just trying not to eff things up!
Holiday plans? What! I have to plan something?
Any ambitions? Well, I do--but I really need to decompress for like 2 months before I remember what they were...
Is Larla signed up for [XYZ impressive activity]? Jesus, I need a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think of a vacation post-Covid, I think "all I want is a week (or a couple days) where nobody needs anything from me." I don't want to get someone a drink of milk, or help with a homework problem, or respond to a work email, or fill out a form, or schedule something, or make any kind of decision at all. Just nothing.

Bliss! (But I'd want 2 weeks. Particularly no forms!)

[Anonymous]

You're not alone OP! If I had a fix I'd share it. Just trying to accept the state I'm in and not add "feeling bad about it" to the mix.

[Anonymous]

I feel the exact same! It is definitely burn out and pandemic stress. Parenting has made it even harder. I don't know about you, but I went through an incredible amount of stress around late August and early September with worrying about my kids going back to in-person school with Delta, and that wiped out any final reserves I had.

I don't have an answer except that you should be easy on yourself. This is normal, and it's okay. Take care of yourself and try to find happiness and peace and joy, but recognize that it's okay if you really just crave sleep and a break right now. Try to find a way to get it - even in small doses.

The other thing I have found is that socializing or doing things outside of the house help tremendously. WAH has been great but also is isolating. I take my kids to school, come home to work, and pick them up again. If I can find a way to have one in-person meeting occasionally outdoors with a colleague or client, or if I can talk with a neighbor or meet with a friend, it really does make me feel better. Even going to the store for a bit makes me feel better. It is much more exhausting than it was pre-pandemic because I'm not used to it, but it does make me much happier.