Afraid “exhausted” is my main character trait…

[Anonymous]

Same here, OP. Between work (even though still 75% WFH), the house, and my two girls (5yo who just started K and 1yo in daycare), I'm on ALL THE TIME. It is both physically and mentally exhausting. DH is in his own little world, friends are all either not local or struggling with similar issues, family is either remote or elderly (which has turned into something else for me to manage), and I'm just...done with it all. Except there's no break, no one who can step in even for half a day, and no end to this in sight.
Similar to what a PP mentioned, I dream of going for even just a day where no one needs anything from me. I know it sounds selfish, but I can't even remember the last time anyone asked me what I needed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. All the moms I know are completely burnt out. It’s been a long, long time of uncertainty and moving goalposts. My motivation for everything is sapped. Last year I was planning holidays and pandemic activities with gusto to make sure the kids had something to carry them through. Now they are back in school in person and I can’t muster up the slightest enthusiasm for anything. It’s really sad. But it’s also ok. I think the scales are balancing out. I am trying to be extra kind to myself, and make time long baths or whatever once the kids have gone to bed. Hugs — we’ll make it through this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. All the moms I know are completely burnt out. It’s been a long, long time of uncertainty and moving goalposts. My motivation for everything is sapped. Last year I was planning holidays and pandemic activities with gusto to make sure the kids had something to carry them through. Now they are back in school in person and I can’t muster up the slightest enthusiasm for anything. It’s really sad. But it’s also ok. I think the scales are balancing out. I am trying to be extra kind to myself, and make time long baths or whatever once the kids have gone to bed. Hugs — we’ll make it through this!

Also I will say to some extent it’s just the uncertainty of the future that’s depleting my ability to plan or get excited. When we were in “crisis” mode and it was defined as this special period of time I coped fine. But now that is dragged out indefinitely and everything is different and we have no idea when it’ll go back, it’s just pretty demoralizing. I have a feeling though by summer things will look a little different.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same. Constant brain fog. My dream is not a vacation, it’s a week - maybe two? - off work, in my own house, BY MYSELF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. Constant brain fog. My dream is not a vacation, it’s a week - maybe two? - off work, in my own house, BY MYSELF.

LOL I mentioned that to my husband today. He said immediately, “I don’t think I can make that happen.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. Constant brain fog. My dream is not a vacation, it’s a week - maybe two? - off work, in my own house, BY MYSELF.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think of a vacation post-Covid, I think "all I want is a week (or a couple days) where nobody needs anything from me." I don't want to get someone a drink of milk, or help with a homework problem, or respond to a work email, or fill out a form, or schedule something, or make any kind of decision at all. Just nothing.

Also this.

[Anonymous]

Hi exhausted masses, OP here again. Perusing all you thoughtful replies after waking up at 5:45... which, I realize, underscores what an astute PP noted--that is, why not work on your sleep first if you are exhausted? So point taken! But I fear it is the burnout and low-level anxiety that is causing me to wake up (or not be able to get back to sleep after a kid, cat, etc. wakes me) in that witching period of 5-7 am. Not the lack of sleep leading to the burnout, though it certainly exacerbates it.

Which underscores what a vicious cycle this all is... In order to figure out how to rest and recharge (and do life again), we need to rest and recharge.

Well, not sure this is a plan, but all the talk of staycations means that I'm vowing to actually take those 1-2 weeks of PTO that I am going to lose at year-end anyway. And try to do nothing in those breaks. And try to start keeping a regular, sane bedtime. And maybe find some CBT gummies or something to put me asleep.

(So yes, I guess that makes the "plan" um, (1) "nothing" and (2) pot. Told you I wasn't exactly working on all cylinders...!)

[Anonymous]

If you have a spouse, you should be able to sleep in sometimes or take a day off. I don't understand why your spouses aren't making that happen for you. I'm a single parent so I know I'll never get time off but there's no reason (barring a spouse being ill/disabled, incarcerated, abroad, etc) why they can't give you a day or weekend off.

[Anonymous]

I think your plan sounds wise, OP. I always find sufficient sleep, exercise, and scheduled alone time (which I virtually always spend reading) are helpful for funks. We got a Peloton during the pandemic, and it was incredibly helpful for my mood. So nice to just shut the door on everything and everyone else and spend time either on a class or scenic ride. Outdoor walks, runs or hiking are great too. I’m personally not a fan of the idea of weed or gummies as a sleep aid. I think you’re better off in the long run trying to deal with the anxiety/stress through self-care or treatment.

[Anonymous]

Gretchen Rubin wrote the Happiness Project because she was so tired. You might like reading it.

I read it (and I did like it) but I’m still tired all the time lol.

[Anonymous]

Ladies you should outsource as much as possible! Grocery delivery, home cleaning, yard work, get carryout sometimes. It makes things a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies you should outsource as much as possible! Grocery delivery, home cleaning, yard work, get carryout sometimes. It makes things a lot easier.

+2

[Anonymous]

And don’t forget to add a nanny to that list!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies you should outsource as much as possible! Grocery delivery, home cleaning, yard work, get carryout sometimes. It makes things a lot easier.

+2

That's great of course, and I'm fully in favor, but just wanted to note that all of these things take management and therefore mental space. You have to schedule the deliveries, manage and pay the home cleaners and yard workers, sometimes there is some issue with billing and you have to look into it..... Of course, those who can afford these things are quite fortunate, but this is what women are talking about when they talk about the mental load. Wouldn't it be nice if these things weren't assumed to be all our responsibility and men managed some of this too?