DH doesn’t see baby Monday to Thursday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you refer to your child as baby?

Op- he IS a baby! He’s 8 months old

Did your dh have a different job/different hours before you got pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Pick two nights that DH blocks his calendar at 5pm and comes home. Logs back on at 7:30 when the baby is sleeping.

It takes some willingness for him to say "I'm busy at that time, can we connect at 4pm or 7:30pm instead?", but if it's worth it to see his kid a few days, then he should do it.

Ultimately, I don't think it's the end of the world. He can spend lots of time with the baby on the weekend. But, even though sleep schedules will change, if your husband is out of the house for 12 hours every week day, he's never going to be very involved. So that has to give.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised by the amount of people that say for DH to quit his job. Of course if he is able to find something with better hours that pays what he wants it to that would be better but finding new work is not always so easy and we really know nothing about his work situation or the family’s financial situation.

OP, I’m sure this is hard for both you and DH. Unfortunately, inflexible work hours and less time at home is common for a lot of working people (especially those not further along in their careers). It sounds like DH does have time with the baby 3 days a week and that’s a better situation than many have. Try experimenting with shifting your baby’s sleep schedule and make sure the time DH gets with the baby is quality time. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

This is very common in this area. It really doesn't last that long. Baby gets older, stays awake longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the amount of people that say for DH to quit his job. Of course if he is able to find something with better hours that pays what he wants it to that would be better but finding new work is not always so easy and we really know nothing about his work situation or the family’s financial situation.

OP, I’m sure this is hard for both you and DH. Unfortunately, inflexible work hours and less time at home is common for a lot of working people (especially those not further along in their careers). It sounds like DH does have time with the baby 3 days a week and that’s a better situation than many have. Try experimenting with shifting your baby’s sleep schedule and make sure the time DH gets with the baby is quality time. Good luck!

It is an employee's market right now. Like unusually so, even waiters and cleaners are demanding better working conditions.

[Anonymous]

If your DH can't make it home earlier for some number of days a week I would just start waking the baby up at 7am. DH can get ready prior to 7am then have an hour in the morning to get baby dressed, eat and play a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in this area. It really doesn't last that long. Baby gets older, stays awake longer.

+1. Very common and very temporary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in this area. It really doesn't last that long. Baby gets older, stays awake longer.

+1. Very common and very temporary.

+2 Yep, welcome to the club Op

[Anonymous]

What does your DH say? If he's concerned about not seeing his child, does he have ideas as to how to change that?

[Anonymous]

Yes that’s our life. We were spoiled by the pandemic wfh. Our almost 3 year old is dropping her nap so she’s 7-7 sleeping now. Around her bed time we’ll call dad so they can chat for a minute. If you can FaceTime for a bit before bed that may be helpful. It’s an inconvenience feeling like a single mom M-Tr (he wfh on Fridays). But a demanding job affords us our lifestyle which we’re not willing to give up, it’s all about choices. They get daddy daughter time during the weekend she looks forward and they have a great relationship.

[Anonymous]

My dad wasn't around a lot when me and my siblings were small. He was going to grad school and working, sometimes overnights, to support us.

It hasn't impacted our relationship at all. We are all close to him and I hardly ever even thought about him not being around much in the early years. The work he did then set the foundation for us all to have a middle class life. That matters a lot, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in this area. It really doesn't last that long. Baby gets older, stays awake longer.

This. If it’s important to him and he can find something with better hours, great. But if not, this is a short period of time in a child’s life. Bedtimes shift often in these early years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those kinds of hours would be a dealbreaker for me (and I'm hardly super-hands-on as a parent; I leave my child in daycare for 9h a day).

PP here -- I would add that it may be worth him talking to his boss about it, at least about some WFH options even if they're dead set on long hours. That might not have been a helpful suggestion 2 years ago, but this is post-pandemic life where even senior managers have to deal with the reality of family/life balance. I work in a very traditionally overwork-y industry and my managers have still been very, very accommodating of childcare issues and family needs because the pandemic has laid it bare in everyone's face how much tension there is between long hours and family life with young kids.

Plus, no one can find experienced workers right now, so he is in a strong position to demand a second WFH day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in this area. It really doesn't last that long. Baby gets older, stays awake longer.

+1. Very common and very temporary.

+2 Yep, welcome to the club Op

+3

Older DCs are awake longer and see DH, by the third baby he had more seniority, job security, and could come home for 6-7 and then work from home for the evening.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation when my kids were little and I also worked. All kids turned out just fine. We spent all weekend together.