DH doesn’t see baby Monday to Thursday

[Anonymous]

Baby sleeps 7pm - 7ish sometimes 8am. DH just returned to the office and leaves for work around 8am, gets home after 7pm and often doesn’t see baby for days if baby sleeps in. It’s been so hard because during work from home, he could see baby for 5 mins snippets all day, could take half an hour off at lunch to feed baby, and at bath time could just pause work and do a bath. Now with the commute it’s just not possible. Anyone going through this and struggling? I’m still WFH so I’m not feeling it yet. We were spoiled by wfh. Is this just the way it is with working parents with a commute?

[Anonymous]

I’m the mom and had a job that I commonly didn’t see my child from Monday- Thursday. It was really a once in a lifetime opportunity but it was definitely hard. Be on the lookout for you resenting him for all the work you do. My husband really struggled with doing it all while I was away from 7am to many times 10 or 11. My child was a little older (12 months when I started) so she wasn’t nursing anymore. I stayed in that position 2 years and now have a much better job with flexible hours. Unfortunately many times that is just how it is.

[Anonymous]

How long is his commute? Can he WFH a few days a week?

[Anonymous]

That sucks for all of you. We dealt with this with my first and I told my husband he should be home at 6:30 at least. He was used to working later and just had to change how he did it. He probably got dad tracked a bit - also with the long paternity leave he took with our 2nd but to me and really to him it’s non negotiable that you don’t see your child during the week. Now he is still wfh and I don’t think we can go back to what we did before 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is his commute? Can he WFH a few days a week?

Ranges from 30-45 mins depending on conditions. He can wfh fridays but not other days. Tonight he said goodnight to baby and in a really sad voice went “I ll probably see you Friday” and it broke my heart.

[Anonymous]

My husband traveled mon - thurs with my first, due to covid he didn’t with our second. It’s definitely doing but his relationship with the second is much stronger bc he’s a consistent presence vs someone that wasn’t seen for days at a time. Ds1 has become more attached to him since he’s been home for the last year so it’s not necessarily a permanent problem

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think he should look for a new job. I would not be comfortable, either as you or as your husband with a parent being away 11 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is his commute? Can he WFH a few days a week?

Ranges from 30-45 mins depending on conditions. He can wfh fridays but not other days. Tonight he said goodnight to baby and in a really sad voice went “I ll probably see you Friday” and it broke my heart.

Can he leave at 5pm and then work after your baby goes down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think he should look for a new job. I would not be comfortable, either as you or as your husband with a parent being away 11 hours a day.

+1. That’s awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is his commute? Can he WFH a few days a week?

Ranges from 30-45 mins depending on conditions. He can wfh fridays but not other days. Tonight he said goodnight to baby and in a really sad voice went “I ll probably see you Friday” and it broke my heart.

Can he leave at 5pm and then work after your baby goes down?

He’s been able to do this twice since RTTO, but often has back to back calls scheduled till 6-630 and doesn’t make it home till past baby’s bedtime

[Anonymous]

OP
My DH traveled for the first 15 years of our marriage. Six kids and he was gone from Monday morning til basically Friday night.

He has an awesome relationship with our kids. Did not impact them at all. And there were no cell phones then.

After those 15 years, he worked from home. Honestly, that was really hard to get used to, LOL.

When he finally got a job in town we had dinner every night mandatory, no cell phones (they were around now) and focus was on family period. We also did Sunday morning. We are not relgious we did Dim Sum LOL no matter whether kids slept out or not we all met for lunch every week. It's funny now my adult children pre pandemic Dim Sum brunch every week whatever city they are in.

Little ones will be fine. It's middle school and up that kids really need that support.

I understand my story is not for everyone, and I know we are lucky.

[Anonymous]

How old is the baby?

Can you video call him while you and baby are sitting down for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Can you see if you could gradually nudge baby's schedule forward a bit so bedtime is after DH gets home?

[Anonymous]

Why do you refer to your child as baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think he should look for a new job. I would not be comfortable, either as you or as your husband with a parent being away 11 hours a day.

Doesn't sound like they are comfortable. A different job would be great, but not always feasible.