I'm non existent in MIL's world

[Anonymous]

OP, why the need for validation from MIL?
Be thankful MIL is DH's responsibility.

Live your own life......

[Anonymous]

You're situation sounds ideal to me. Different strokes for different folks

[Anonymous]

*Your

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many posts that seem to be the MIL venting about the DIL.

Now I am a DIL with an issue. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My MIL I feel sometimes forgets that my husband is married with a wife and that she has a DIL and I exist.

Examples of this being we will be flying somewhere and she will just text my husband to have a safe flight instead despite the fact that we are both flying and texting in a group chat to both of us have a safe flight.

When we come to visit she will just text my husband saying she is looking forward to seeing him again instead of simply texting both of us which isn't hard to do and takes zero effort and saying I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.

When we get her a gift for mother's day she will just text my husband to thank him.

When we flew up for her birthday she just texted my husband it was so great to see you instead of us both again despite the fact me her DIL was present as well.

I want my husband to address this slight to his mother as it will be perceived better coming from him.

Seriously OP. I have been married for 29 years. My DH and my parents get along great, and my DH even calls my mom just to chat sometimes. Even so:

When we travel, my mom texts just me to say "have a safe flight."
When we visit, my mom texts just me to make plans, and after we leave, she texts just me to say they enjoyed having us.
When we send my mom flowers for her birthday, she texts a pic of the flowers and a thank you...just to me.

This seems normal to me? At any rate, my DH is not in the least bit offended by any of this.

DH and I have a grown son who has a long-time girlfriend whom he lives with. We adore her, she's wonderful. But though we do have an occasional group text and I occasionally send a text just to GF, about 90% of the time I text/call just my son. Because he's my son.

Also, I worked very hard to get my MIL to communicate with DH, her son, instead of always assuming I was in charge of everything social. But MIL is 95 and doesn't text anyone, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful that you don’t have to deal with texts from her!

[Anonymous]

This is beyond bizarre. When I am sitting next to my husband on an airplane about to take off and my MIL texts or calls to say “have a safe trip”, my assumption is that these well wishes are imputed to me as well. You are really borrowing trouble if you think this is a problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do this same thing to my BIL and it doesn’t mean I don’t love him or don’t mean for my cate and concern to not include him. But most of my not-in-person communication is with my sister, and I assume she relays information, well wishes, etc to her husband/my brother in law.

It sounds like you wish for a direct and regular communication with your MIL. Call her, start texting her, etc. She may be very happy for you to do so! I think I would be with my children’s future spouses (and as a PP said, based on the vitriol for mothers-in-law on this board, I would feel reluctant to reach out to them too often!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many posts that seem to be the MIL venting about the DIL.

Now I am a DIL with an issue. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My MIL I feel sometimes forgets that my husband is married with a wife and that she has a DIL and I exist.

Examples of this being we will be flying somewhere and she will just text my husband to have a safe flight instead despite the fact that we are both flying and texting in a group chat to both of us have a safe flight.

When we come to visit she will just text my husband saying she is looking forward to seeing him again instead of simply texting both of us which isn't hard to do and takes zero effort and saying I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.

When we get her a gift for mother's day she will just text my husband to thank him.

When we flew up for her birthday she just texted my husband it was so great to see you instead of us both again despite the fact me her DIL was present as well.

I want my husband to address this slight to his mother as it will be perceived better coming from him.

Honestly none of that seems unusual.

How often do you text her? How does she respond?

[Anonymous]

Count your lucky stars OP. My MIL used to only text me to get a hold of my husband since he isn't much of a texter. The real kicker is when she would text me she wouldn't even greet me in the text like by saying good morning for example or asking how things are going in my life. It would just be straight, "is Mike sleeping?" Or "did Mike get my text?"

I would always answer her right away because in my twisted mind I thought I had to. Until one day in my head I thought screw this I am not my MIL's personal secretary and I don't have to give her access to everything at the drop of a pen. She doesn't even seem to give a shit how I'm doing or what's going on in my life.

I finally grew a spine and snapped one day when she texted me to get ahold of my husband for the millionth time and I told her to please stop texting me to get a hold of her son as his phone works perfectly fine and it's up to him to text/call her back and I'm not his personal secretary or babysitter. I also added on at the end how you never bother to even ask how I am.

Of course she texted back arguing with me about how of course she doesn't see me as a secretary and I should know that by now.

Then the next day she called DH up to tattle on me about how I was so "mean" to her simply because I grew a spine and wasn't taking her bullshit anymore and setting boundaries for myself.

So the point of that story and tangent was to point out how you should be thankful that your MIL isn't like mine and always goes straight to DH and doesn't use you as her own personal secretary because it could be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is beyond bizarre. When I am sitting next to my husband on an airplane about to take off and my MIL texts or calls to say “have a safe trip”, my assumption is that these well wishes are imputed to me as well. You are really borrowing trouble if you think this is a problem.

This 100%
Take note of the rare consensus of opinion on a DCUM thread, OP. This is not a problem.

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Anonymous]

I mean, does your mom include him in all her communications to you? That would be weird.

[Anonymous]

I am a SIL and I only text my SIL when it’s either her birthday or I need her input for a decision. That’s because I don’t really care about her (I don’t hate her but don’t love her either and I don’t always like her as a person).
I don’t know why you expect your mil to love you.
She doesn’t hate you and that’s as much as you can hope for.
Sorry I am just being honest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been many posts that seem to be the MIL venting about the DIL.

Now I am a DIL with an issue. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My MIL I feel sometimes forgets that my husband is married with a wife and that she has a DIL and I exist.

Examples of this being we will be flying somewhere and she will just text my husband to have a safe flight instead despite the fact that we are both flying and texting in a group chat to both of us have a safe flight.

When we come to visit she will just text my husband saying she is looking forward to seeing him again instead of simply texting both of us which isn't hard to do and takes zero effort and saying I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.

When we get her a gift for mother's day she will just text my husband to thank him.

When we flew up for her birthday she just texted my husband it was so great to see you instead of us both again despite the fact me her DIL was present as well.

I want my husband to address this slight to his mother as it will be perceived better coming from him.

What? These aren’t slights. When you are altogether, does she ignore you? That’s a slight.

Yes you sound insane, OP. It's fine to just text one person!

[Anonymous]

Your overly dramatic subject line tells me all I need to know. Opening this I thought for sure she ignores you all the time, which is what your subject line implies.